Vent Chat

My life is just one big fat mistake isn't it.

I wish I was never born.

I have an exam tomorrow. I just... wish everything could dissappear.

I'm gonna fail, I'm gonna have to repeat this year, I'm a failure, I'm gonna go to summer school, and everyone else is gonna be on vacation all smiley and happy while I'm still in school cause I'm just a dumb fucking idiot who can't do the simplest things without messing it all up.

I'm trying my best... but my best is never good enough. I'm not good enough. I'll never be good enough. I'm a failure. My parents deserve a better child. I'm just a disappointment. Everyone deserves better than me. Why do they even talk to me anymore? They don't like me. They don't have to pretend. It's fine, I get it, I wouldn't like me either. I don't like me either.

Haha I hate myself.

What did I do to piss God off so much? Did I commit some kind of horrible crime?

I wish I could just dissappear. 

Maybe a truck might run me over on my way to school. Wishful thinking.

I just want to grab a knife and stab it right through my ear. I hate this. I hate everything.

Just kill me already. Please just kill me. I don't wanna do this anymore. I don't wanna be here anymore.

Why? I do so much. For what? My friends treat me like some- some ragdoll they can just toss around and throw away whenever they're bored with it.

I give so much, I do so much. But I'm only their friend when it's convenient for them. They only remember I exist when it's convenient for them, but what about me? Do my opinions matter to you at all? Does it matter to you what I want?

You just barge into my home unannounced and decide we should hang out all of a sudden like- when did I agree? When did I say yes? "Cmon just come with usss" I DONT WANT TO OKAY I JUST WANT TO BE ALONE RIGHT NOW SO LEAVE ME ALONE

I'm a horrible friend. What do I think I'm better than them? They don't deserve to be treated like this. They didn't do anything, they just wanted to hang out with me. I'm too distant. I always lose friends like this. Because I'm too distant. I always just wanna be alone. This is why they all hate me. They're all gonna get sick of me. I know they will. They all hate me. I'm sorry. I'm a horrible person. Please don't hate me. Please don't hate me I'm sorry. Why. Why do I keep doing this. All I do is mess things up. It's what I'm good for I guess. Making a mess of things.

I hate myself. I hate everyone. I hate this. Please just kill me.

Hehe

getting ready 4 skwl. My mom saw me crying on the floor in my room cause of skwl. She was all like "I know going back tos chool after vacation can be hard"

She doesn't get it. She'll never get it. Whatever. I don't even care anymore.

lmaooooo I'm like cryingggg rn.

Not because I'm sad or anything... more of just... I hate life.

I don't even care anymore. I would rather be dead than have to go through this. 

Why did I have to get stuck like this?

If I won't be put through anything I can't take... why do I feel like I can't take this now. I feel like I'm suffocating and idk what to do.

I'm hopeless. At everything. All I do is make a mess of things.

I'm failing my exams.

I can barely function as a human being and I genuinely feel like absolute garbage.

I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I don't understand... I don't understand what's wrong with me.

Sometimes it feels like I'm just... defective or... wrong.

I'm just one big fat mistake.

I can't study for the life of me and school is just white noise to me. Society is completely built around neurotypicals. It makes it... tough... almost suffocating for me to try and live in society.

Sometimes it feels like drawing is all I have.

Everything sucks.