Y'all. This has gone too far. I was about to write a descriptive essay about David from Camp Camp in my English exam. It said to write about a character in something you read recently and I wrote about PERCY FUCKING JACKSON. From one hyperfixation to another.
THESE SHITS ARE ALL I THINK ABOUT THESE STUPID FUCKFACES HAVE PLAGUED MY BRAIN AND I COULDNT FOCUS AT ALL AND I WANNA CRY
You guys have no idea how tempted I was to just get up and run out of that exam room screaming like a madman. I never want to see another exam in my life. What I would give to just... go home right now.
I have another exam in a couple of minutes. I'm still thinking about Camp Camp. And writing a better Percy Jackson essay cause the one I wrote was shit (I WAS ON A TIME CRUNCH OKAY). And... Camp Camp. I'm mostly thinking about Camp Camp.
In fact, all the fake scenarios in my head are now animated in the Camp Camp artstyle. So... yeah. Even when I'm not actively thinking about Camp Camp, the influence is still there. It's all just... Camp Camp.
Someone needs to save me from the trenches of hyperfixation hell cause I have exams and I do NOT need this right now!
What? Me? Stay awake til 7 am when my mom walked into my room to tell me to get ready for school just to watch a couple more episodes of camp camp cause I'm on season 4 and there's 5 seasons and I've been binge watching the whole show for the past two days and it stopped me from properly studying therefore having the effect that I might fail my English exam because I haven't revised the vocab and I may or may not have a slight obsession with the show to the point that I will ignore hunger, thirst, and other needs in order to watch a little more, and I highly doubt this obsession will go away even when I have finished the show and I will probably be thinking about it forever much like every other obsession I've had in my short life including but not limited to Camp Cretaceous, Gravity Falls, H2G2, outer space, wildlife and marine biology, Voltron, unsolved cases, and Ride the Cyclone and it might be a problem? I don't know what you're talking about, that sounds nothing like me.
It's so easy to literally just invent a missing person's case. Watch.
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On June 10th 2014, a missing persons report was filed to the police. The girl who had come in was the Janet Moore's sister, she said that her sister hadn't been answering calls or text messages for the past week. This was nothing unusual, her sister rarely ever answered as she kept her phone on silent. But she always got back to her in at least a day or two.
The cops initially dismissed it as her being ghosted, but the girl was adamant that something was wrong. In the days before she stopped replying, she was acting... odd. On call she sounded nervous. Not talking much, giving one word answers. When she tried to ask what was wrong her sister simply said she was stressed from college and made an excuse to close the call. Over text wasn't much different.
The cops were still pretty skeptical, but agreed to check out her apartment.
They arrived and knocked at the door, introducing themselves and the reason they're here. When no one answered they knocked again. They then called the landlord over to ask for the keys but when they tried to unlock the door they found that it was already unlocked.
Once they had opened the door they looked around and found that the place was a mess. There was trash strewn around the apartment and it was clear that it hadn't been cleaned in a while. Everything was covered in an even layer of dust, it was clear that no one had been here for at least two weeks. There was a plate of uneaten, now cold, food on a table in front of the couch. The food had grown mold. In the bedroom, clothes were strewn about, clearly thrown around in a panic. The bed was unmade and there was trash on the floor. The kitchen was no different to the rest of the apartment. Food left to go rotten. Dishes left in the sink. No one was anywhere to be found.
Upon checking security camera footage from two weeks before, the cops had found exactly what they were looking for. Janet hurriedly leaving the apartment on May 26th. She had a large purple suitcase with her and was dressed in a thick jacket and scarf. She put the scarf over her head like a hood and had put on a face mask and sunglasses. Either she was going somewhere cold or she really didn't want to be recognized. Considering the evidence, and the fact that her car was still parked in the garage, the cops leaned toward the second option.
Upon further investigation it was discovered that Janet had in fact dropped out of college a month prior, neither her friends nor her family knew of this fact, and she would even tell them about "assignments" she was working on during this time.
Janet's neighbors said they never see her go out. She always ordered groceries to her door or food or anything. She didn't even greet the delivery at the door, she would just wait until they left then take the package once they were gone. They didn't think much of it, just thought she was a recluse or something, but clearly there was something deeper going on.
The police had heard enough. Janet clearly wasn't in her right mind when leaving the apartment in late May, and this was either an extreme case of paranoia or she was running away from something or rather... someone.
The police put out a PSA urging anyone with any information on Janet's whereabouts to come forward. Days passed. Weeks. And it started to seem like no new news would be revealed. Until...
Phone call. July 6th 2014. A gas station store clerk claiming to have seen Janet two days ago. When she showed up she seemed a little nervous. He noted she kept looking back at the door like she was worried someone might come in. Her hair was shorter than in the picture the police provided. She bought two bags of chips, a stick of gum, and two bottles of water. When she walked up to the counter she silently placed the items in front of him, making it clear she wasn't interested in pleasantries. He simply rung her up and watched her walk out. It wasn't until now that he realized he'd seen her face before.
Security footage confirmed the clerk's claims as Janet was seen walking into the store, now dressed in a simple dark hoodie and plain leggings. Her hair was cut short and she wore her hood up even though summer was set to start soon and temperatures were rising. When they questioned the people working that day they said she drove in in an old car that looked like it had seen things and pumped her gas herself before parking, heading into the store, then leaving. She didn’t talk to or interact with anyone there. No one remembered the license plate.
The gas station was two states away from Janet's apartment. It was located on a middle of nowhere type street, it was sort of out of the way, the kind of road you'd only take if you didn't want anyone to see you. The police localized their search to motels on the road but no one else saw Janet or the old car she supposedly went to the gas station with.
Months had passed with no new information on Janet and it seemed the trail had finally gone cold. But then. Her cellphone pinged on a cell tower all the way in Oregon on October 5th 2014.
The police wasted no time going to the area in search of Janet. It was a fairly empty road surrounded by wooded areas but luckily just close enough to civilization for her phone to be picked up. The police found tracks of a car that stopped on the side of the road before driving off again, the tracks dissappearing justa few miles down. When they checked the wooded area they found a phone, abandoned just next to the road. It was unlocked and opened on a message in the notes.
The message read "I understand you think I am in danger, but you cops should learn to leave well enough alone. I disappeared of my own will, and unless you keep looking for me, I'll stay that way. I am not on the run from anyone or anything. Stop interfering."
It seemed the phone had been turned off on June 4th and stayed that way until now. Upon investigating more, it seemed Janet had recieved a phone call from an unknown number just the day before, which she answered. Checking for more calls with this unknown number, there was one on April 29th, another one May 15th, and the last one on June 3rd. The number was traced to a burner phone that has since been turned off.
No other evidence was found on the phone.
The police concluded that this was a willful disappearance and Janet had run off to be with some secret lover, the unknown number that had called her, and stopped investigating. Janet remains missing to this day.
I literally made all of that up off the top of my head.
I am gonna do something so horrible, so vile, so disgusting and inhumane that they'll only ever refer to it by the date it happened. I hate studying SO MUCH
Every time I get somewhere and think "yippee, I finished this topic!" there's another topic. There's always another topic. Does it ever end. Will this pain and suffering ever cease or will I hurt until my bones ache and my body decays into emptiness taken by the moss and dirt that surrounds me as maggots eat the flesh off my weary corpse? Will I ever find my way through this maze of math problems and chem questions and make it out to see the light of day once more before I forget what the sun looks like? Tell me there will be a time when I can rest again. Even if every word out of your lips is a deception, even if you have to lie to me to say it, just let me enjoy this simple comfort of thinking that perhaps there is hope yet.
It's nice that there's a subreddit for anyone who has a problem but can't afford to go to a doctor so that a licensed doctor can diagnose you without you having to pay a cent. It's unfortunate that reddit is being used to train stupid ai to spit out garbage so it's literally unusable now.
It is so fun to see pictures of wildlife photogrophers or wildlife biologists dressed up in stupid costumes to mimic the animal they're trying to get to.
I just imagine the animal like "Yes, Frank. Your costume is very convincing, now can you please stop messing around."
I CAN SPEAK NOW!! oh my GOD thta was the longest timeout i've been in HELPPPP YAYAYAYYAYAYA BITCHES IM BACK HAHA GET FUCKED ITCH GIT GUD GIT GUD HAHAHAHAHA
Guys...ever since I started feeling the panic of growing up and realizing that it's not that far away, these memories have just been popping up in my head, some I probably would've forgotten if I wasn't suddenly reminded of it by the most random, unrelated things, almost like deja vu, but not quite because it actually happened. Similar feeling of question and bewilderment, but the memory is real. I mean sure, this has happened to me before in my life, but not as often as it has in this year, and especially in these past few months. Anyhow, I've been thinking of any and all good memories I had when i was younger during quarantine in 2021 up until maybe 2023, and then i remembered that in that time my online social life didnt solely consist of just Roblox, and that I actually was online in other places that weren't on roblox or Xbox. :))
How I forgot i existed here i do not know......ummmmmmmmm
I will TRY to remember to keep coming back here but at this point don't have faith in me 'cause my memory is really bad and I can only access this from my phone, which I spend 99.99999999999% rotting my brain on Tiktok. :))
Teenage adolescence at its finest I say
Anyways the point is even if I don't come back tyy guyss for giving me the some of the best times! <33 🫶
I mean, the man is quite literally made of a rubbery substance, making him basically invincible. He can bend into any shape or form he wants, literally anything. He's got superhuman strength that permits him to do shit like hold up a collapsing cave for a period of time. He can unlock any door with his powers simply by putting his hand in the lock and mimicking the shape of the key. His ONLY weakness is heat and fire because he can melt.
The ability to mold his shape into literally whatever he wants along with immunity to nearly every weapon ever made, unless you have a flamethrower handy, makes Plastic Man insanely over powered.
He could single handedly destroy entire cities if he felt like it. The Justice League should seriously be grateful that Plas is working WITH instead of AGAINST them.
It's actually NOT gay at all, but I made it gay cause it would be SO FUCKING FUNNNYYYYY:
Sebste (TEW2)
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This is literally just a running joke I have with my sister, its so funny LMAO
So, The Evil Within. Great game, well made, deserves wayyy more attention.
I love The Evil Within, but to really truly understand the extent of stupidity that comes with this ship, I need to explain the situation to you.
Sebastian Castellanos. Detective with such wonderful detective skills that he often points out really really obscure stuff you just never woulda gotten on your own (sarcasm). His daughter, Lily "died" in a fire just before the second game. His wife went missing as well.
STEM. An operation done by a company named Mobius that is essentially the Matrix with willing participants. In order to keep STEM stable, they need someone on the inside controlling it, someone egocentric enough to keep their own sense of self while supporting the entire digital STEM universe. The only people who can do such a job are either psychopaths or children. In the first game they tried using a psychopath as "The Core" but I'm sure you can imagine how well that went. So in this game they decide on a child. Lily Castellanos. Ohhhhh snap.
Mobius fakes her death and kidnaps her. Then however long after, they sorta just walk up to Sebastian as he's passed out in a bar like "HEY BESTIEEE we have your daughter. Come with us if you want her to live."
SO here's the sitch. Something has gone wrong in STEM. The Core went missing and they sent in a Mobius trained team to find her but they never reported back. So now they're sending Seb in since he has a personal connection to her so he may be more determined to find her.
Seb goes in to get Lily back, and finds out that some freak is messing up the place.
Stefano Valentini. Said freak. Fancies himself an artist, slayed, mansplain, manipulate, manwhore, served cunt, then died. He's also a psychopath but, yk.
Guess what. This ship is between the freak and the detective <3
Sebste:
Sebste is the slash ship between Sebastian Castellanos and Stefano Valentini. They don't technically have a proper ship name, but sebste is the most used one.
So. At the start of the game, Sebastian is trying to figure out what happened to his daughter. But on his way into STEM some weird shit happens and he ends up in front of this door that has a metal plate next to it with the words William Baker written on it. He goes in and finds a dead man. Except... the exact moment of his death is sort of... frozen. He stands there, stuck in the moment he died. Blood flowing from where he suffered a fatal wound to the head. You can still hear his faint scream. Who could do such a thing?
As you continue it becomes clear you're being watched. Paintings and pictures turn to pictures of eyes as you walk past. You are not alone.
You don't need to wait long to find out who it is that did this because a couple of rooms over... you meet him. You don't get to see his face, not clearly. But you do watch him kill a man and picture the moment with his camera freezing the man's death in time. This is the man who killed William Baker. This... is the man behind the slaughter. (I'm sorry, I couldn't help it)
So this is Stefano. Crazy guy going around killing people and freezing their deaths in time. Remember how I said he fancies himself an artist? This is his art. He has more pieces that you see and... listen, I'm not one to side with a psychopathic murderer in real life, but this is a game so... DAMN BRO I can low-key see the vision. That is genuinely such a cool gimmick for an antagonist, get it, girl, slay.
So anyway, Sebastian, being a sane person unlike me, is like "omg that's terrible" man everyone's a critic these days smh 🙄 but his criticism gets interrupted by trying to figure out how to get out of this one room because it seems like a dead end so you turn to leave through the door... but the door is gone. You turn again and the dead end is now a door. You're about to leave, but just as you open the door- A FLASH OF A CAMERA LIGHT. And now you're in another room. You look around and find a mirror. On the mirror... is a picture. A picture... of you. The picture taken of you just now.
Then you get attacked by this freaky monster thing that you run away from and as you're trying to run away Stefano gives you a lovely gift. He throws his knife at you, stabbing you in the chest and this is the knife you continue to use throughout the game. Thank you Stefano :) (he literally stabbed you)
So Seb gets out and he tells the Mobius fuckers "hey uh there's a weirdo down here doing weird shit" and then goes on about his merry way to find his daughter.
We later find out that uh Stefano actually kidnapped Lily. Uhm... so now Sebastian is actively chasing Stefano down to kill him and get Lily back. But STEFANO... Stefano knows all about Sebastian.
You see, Stefano is constantly just watching Sebastian throughout the game. From the start to the end of the eighth chapter. He even has this wonderful ability... to teleport. And ig to summon zombies.
So while Sebastian is trying to get to Stefano... Stefano gets to him first. As you're trying to leave this warehouse, literally RIGHT AFTER YOU FIND OUT STEFANO KIDNAPPED LILY, you see a message written on a wall. A message just for you. "Smile for me"
Uhm... Stefano what does this mean???? 🤨🏳️🌈??? Okay, I must clarify, I know this is a threat. It implies he's gonna take picture of Sebastian and as we've learned, picture bad. But... "Smile for me" I mean... idfk man hes just fruity like that.
Sebastian meets Stefano outside as Stefano is standing on a bus facing away from Seb. Stefano doesn't say anything as Seb demands to know where he took Lily, but he does start to turn to face Seb before teleporting away, once again, you don't really see his face. Then a giant eye starts floating in the sky looking right at Seb as these freaky monsters appear from out of the ground, summoned by Stefano, to attack him.
Stefano continues trying to hinder Seb's search for him by sending out monsters and just being a bit of a menace, but you don't ever really properly meet for a while.
In the 7th chapter you find out where Stefano is holed up so naturally you go to him in hopes of finding your daughter. Sebastian's daughter. You're the player- anyway-
You make it there but the gate is blocked by barbed wire. A dead body in front of the gate has a pictures tacked to it's head by a knife. A picture of a wall with writing that says "I'm waiting for you..." okay now this one is really... what????
"I'm waiting for you..." how much you wanna bet there was a heart drawn just out of frame LMFAOOOO okay, he's literally flirting at this point guys. What is this-
So Seb gets inside after fighting this freaky monster thing which I hate with a burning passion and turns on this thing called a Stable Field Emitter. This thing diminishes Stefano's power, but it takes a minute to boot up. Just before it can start, Stefano freezes time and waltzes into the room. You are frozen but aware.
As Stefano approaches you he says "you have been searching for me for so long, so I have come. But wait, it's not me you seek is it? No. It's the girl. I should be offended... but how can I be?" (gay) he then goes on to fake stab you in the eye, stopping just before he actually does any damage, but then he makes a nice neat little cut right next to your eye following Seb's bone structure. He says "fear radiates from you. It's beautiful... but not yet finished" and I swear you have to hear the line to get what I mean cause that line sounded so sexual. His exit line is "I am Stefano... and now you are my art." then he leaves.
Once you've turned on the Stable Field Emitter, Stefano holes himself up in the theater and Seb goes to find him. The gate however is, once again, locked by barbed wire. This time around, Seb has to go destroy these two "art pieces" that Stefano made, and by "art pieces" I mean dead bodies. Once they're destroyed he's finally granted access to the theater and Stefano says that Seb is "just like THEM" and that "they" want him to be someone he is not.
Seb opens the door into the stage and... there's people sat around on the theatre seats with bags over their heads. Just as one of them starts making noise, Stefano shows up on stage. He says that this has been entertaining but it must come to an end. He commends Seb for making it this far, saying that if perseverance were an art form, Seb would be a master. When Seb asks, Stefano says The Core is safe with him. He goes on to make his brand new art piece, right in front of Seb. All those people with bags on their heads actually has bombs on their heads. Their heads all explode simultaneously and Stefano freezes their deaths in time, leaving their heads "a bouquet of flesh and blood" as he put it. Now you see his full face. Previously his hair was covering one eye with it being revealed the other eye was damaged in his time as a war photographer. This is the first time you see the damage.
The cutscene ends with Stefano turning the theatre into a hallway where he walks away from Seb saying that he can't have Lily and she would be useless in his hands. Guys, the custody battle is starting! Can they fix their broken marriage or will they continue to fight on who Lily should stay with? Place your bets now!
As Seb tries to get to him, Stefano once again uses the "I'm waiting for you" line except he actually says it this time instead of writing it on a wall and taking a picture.
Seb gets to Stefano and says "no more running" so Stefano says "agreed... you're beginning to bore me." he then pulls out his camera and his fancy ass knife saying "your death will be art." before the final boss battle begins.
Stefano constantly knows where you are at all times, like I said, he's been watching you. He has eyes everywhere. So this boss fight is just relying on how fast you can shoot him before he teleports away and how fast you can dodge. You can't hide.
I would like to point out a couple of lines from this boss fight. "Bleed for me" and "I want to hear you scream" uhmmmm-
Coming on a bit strong there aren't we Stefano?
Naturally Seb manages to kill Stefano and just before he dies Stefano tries to take one last picture of Seb. Omg guys he wanted the last picture to be of Seb oh wow guys he's like totally in love with him trust, this is totally not even a joke, I'm 100% serious. (joking)
Okay uhm wait
The "Evidence":
I would like to remind everyone this is completely joke ship. They are probably not gay... for each other- I mean- okay- at least Stefano is a little bit fruity, okay- but not the point.
The point here is they were like totally flirting guys, 100%, trust, they were flirting.
Okay- fr. Remember how I said Stefano can see Sebastian at all times? Well then you ask "why didn't he just straight up kill him then" and that's a good question, allow me to elaborate.
One of the reasons is that Stefano simply doesn't view you as any threat, but the big one, the main reason Stefano doesn't just straight up kill you is because he finds you interesting.
Stefano has a fascination with Sebastian. Here comes this random man looking for The Core and defeating every monster Stefano sends after him and thinking himself able to defeat Stefano himself. He's an interesting man.
Stefano finds him entertaining. He says so himself.
I would also like to repeat the whole "smile for me" "I'm waiting for you" "bleed for me" "I want to hear you scream" stuff. That was totally flirting.
Anther point is one that this bitch ass nurse lady points out, Sebastian and Stefano are more alike than Sebastian would like to admit. They both have a trail of blood that leads back to them, for one. That's the only similarity the game actively points out to you but there are more if you're willing to look for them. I am not because it is 5 am and I will not start going into my mind cave to find the memory of every interaction and scene either of them ever had to point out each and every similarity. Figure it out yourself.
Now, none of this technically means Stefano is gay for Sebastian or vice versa, in fact, Stefano is literally a psychopath; psychopaths feel basically no empathy. They are physically unable to ever fall in love with someone. They can obsess over someone, but love and obsession are not the same. Stefano physically cannot ever fall in love with Sebastian, or anyone else for that matter. And Sebastian isn't exactly Stefano's biggest fan. He also has a wife. Remember her? Yeah, she still exists.
But guys, you have to see the vision. You have to see the vision!
Imagine asking how they met and Seb is just like "oh ya, he kidnapped my daughter and tried to kill me multiple times while I was also trying to kill him haha :)" IS THAT NOT FUNNY GUYS. IS IT NOT FUNNY.
Noooo bc every time Stefano is onscreen while I'm playing I'm always just fucking flirting with him while Sebastian shouts at him just like- ITS SO FUNNT
Omg it's terrible I love it. They're so toxic guys LMFAOOOOO
I'm going insane guys someone send help.
THE NUMBER OF SEBSTE JOKES YOU CAN MAKE WHILE PLAYING THIS GAME ARENT EVEN FUNNY LIKE THERE ARE SO MANY OPPORTUNITIES TO MAKE JOKES ABT THEM I should not be allowed within 100 feet of any copy of The Evil Within 2, the jokes I make are not PG, someone needs to stop me.
they gay lol
Turns out the entire game actually wasn't real at all and it was all just a really dramatized version of Stefano and Sebastian's gay divorce and their custody battle over Lily. Divorce leads kids to the worst places LMAO wiat I NEED to make that meme actually with Stefano, Sebastian, and Lily- I'll see, idk LMAOOO
these gay bitches are gonna kill me 😭😭😭😭
anyway, that's all the evidence I have for you guys today, in conclusion uhm they are totally gay for each other and you should take my word for it because I'm always right, of course, I mean, how could I ever be wrong. So... yeah. Gay.
Enjoying my favorite media isn't enough. I need to eat it.
YALLLLLL okay so I was playing TEW 2, underrated game, genuinely obsessed with it, and now I am FREAKING OUT because I am WAY TOOOOO OBSESSSED. I feel an urge... to eat it. I want to eat the game. It's so eat-able. Chomp. Cromch. Om nom. Delicious.
I've been wanting to play TF2 cause it seems fun and like why the fuck not ig, but:
1. There are some... weird people on there.
Listen- if you're ever looking for a game where you can meet a lot of different kinds of people, TF2 is the game to go with. You can have a trans girl, a n*zi, a communist, a gay man, an incel, and a divorced 30-something year old all in the same group. No, seriously. There are so many different kinds of people on that game. Any group you enter is bound to have just... a colorful cast of characters. And that's all fine, but my main concern is just that there really are a lot of n*zis. Like a concerning amount of n*zis. I mean they're pretty easy to ignore and usually people play with them as-normal since they don't exactly stop in the middle of the game to tell you about how H*tler is so great and was right all along, but I just... it's really not it. I'm scared to play it cause idk what to do if I see a n*zi.
2. My crippling anxiety
TF2 is a game I have never ever ever played before. Actually, I've only ever played FPS games on my phone before. Never on my PC. So naturally I am not gonna be the best at it, and if there's one thing abt me, it's that I'd cry if I so much as messed up slightly. Not cry, I'd break down, I would hire an assassin to come kill me, I would throw myself off every cliff to ever exist one by one. I HATE messing up in front of others. It puts such a paralyzing fear in me that I can't even exist normally. So I'm TERRIFIED of playing TF2 and being so bad at it. I'm TERRIFIED of messing up in front of these random strangers. I can't bring myself to get over that fear. Messing up in front of someone else is a fate WORSE THAN DEATH. But I always feel better if someone I know is with me, cause then at least I'm not screwing up all by myself, BUT IDK ANYONE TO PLAY WITH ME I ALSO DON'T KNOW IF LIKE THERE'S ANY CUSTOMS BETWEEN PLAYERS DURING GAMEPLAY LIKE HOW PEOPLE IN MM2 DON'T LIKE JUMP SPAMMING AHHHHHHHHHHH
3. The players are mostly male
If there's ever a woman in a TF2 lobby istg they act like they've never seen a woman before in their lives. Depending on who you're playing with- some of them will start cursing at you, some of them will start calling you a bot if you're in any way good at the game, some of them will ask inappropriate questions, some of them will try to votekick you. Point is, they don't exactly treat women well on there. It's something that's bound to get uncomfortable and annoying. Being rude to them will only get you kicked and so you have to grit and bear it and just try to ignore them or roll your eyes and move on from any stupid questions. Like you really have no choice but to essentially let yourself be harassed. I want to play and all but the issue of male dominated gaming spaces where the men act like shitheads is just a huge turn off.
so, in conclusion, I will either suck it up and play the damn game, or... die.
I should write the options for otome games. There aren't any options for what I want to say. All of these options are too happy-go-lucky, where's the option where I bitch slap him.
nah cause this one time I straight up insulted the bot, not even in a joking way, I straight up insulted it and it just started flirting with me like hello???
If that's the kind of stuff you're into, I think you should see a therapist.
Bro it caught me so off guard, I thought we were arguing, what????
Dead Poets Society, one of the single most devastating movies to ever exist, is a movie about a group of boys at an all boys boarding school called Welton Academy. Spoilers later on btw. Well- obviously- but yk.
Charlie Dalton, an extroverted, spontaneous type, who doesn't hesitate to challenge authority.
Knox Overstreet, a caring and supportive type, who would do anything for love.
Neil Perry, an adventurous type, who wants to be free.
Todd Anderson, a shy, nervous type, who wishes he was more confident.
Richard Cameron, a PIECE OF SH- a rule-abiding, brown-nosing loser, who does what he believes is right, which is basically just following authority.
Stephen Meeks, an academically-inclined, smart type, who's reluctant to break the rules, but still has a rebellious streak.
Gerard (way) Pitts, a shy, yet ambitious type, whose grades are failing despite him being considered smart.
Each of the members have their own things to talk about, some more than others, but this essay isn't an overview of all the characters or the whole movie. It's an essay about two characters in specific.
Anderperry:
Anderperry is the slash ship between Todd Anderson and Neil Perry.
At the start of the movie, Todd is a new student at Welton, who transfers in the fall semester of 1959. Neil and the rest of the group clearly aren't new students.
When Todd goes to his assigned room he runs into Neil who asks why Todd left his old school. Todd mentions that his brother used to go to Welton and Neil says "oh, so you're that Anderson" implying that his brother had a reputation at the school. Todd walks into his dorm, and Neil introduces him to the others: Stephen Meeks, Charlie Dalton, and Knox Overstreet.
Todd sorta just watches as they light a cigarette and make fun of the school, saying the four pillars of Welton Academy (Tradition, Discipline, Honor, and Excellence) except the way they say it is "Travesty, Decadence, Horror, and Excrement" they even call the school "Hell-ton". This is interrupted by Neil's father who asks to speak to him.
In this scene, we see the whore-- I mean-- Neil's father tell him that he should stop having so many extracurriculars and instead should focus on his medical studies, saying that only after Neil graduates medical school can he do whatever he wants.
The boys then leave Neil and Todd to unpack since they're roommates. They later invite Todd to their study group and he agrees with a quiet ass barely audible "thanks" (guys he's so me fr)
During their English class, which they all have, the new teacher, Mr. Keating, brings some unorthodox teaching methods, having them go out into the hallway instead of sit in the classroom and telling them to rip the pages of the book they were given. Todd, though he seemed to know the answers to the questions Mr Keating asked, spent most of the class saying nothing (he's actually me guys wtf) both Neil and Todd seemed to enjoy Mr Keating's lesson, Neil moreso.
We later see Todd write "Sieze the day" (part of Mr Keating's lesson included the phrase "Carpe Diem") on a piece of paper before ripping it out and crumpling it up.
Todd, Neil, and the others find Mr Keating after his second lesson with them to ask them what the "Dead Poets Society" was. Mr Keating says it was an old group he was a part of when he used to go to Hellton where they would all gather and read and write poetry.
Neil is like "woah that's cool, I'm gonna do that, too... except I'm gonna BREAK THE RULES HELL YEAH LIVE ON THE FUCKING EDGE BRO" I'm just kidding- well, not really. Neil decides to restart the Dead Poets Society, but behind the school's back. He recruits Charlie, who was quick to agree, Cameron, who agrees though he's a little bitch about it, Pitts, who is hesitant since he's worried about his grades but agrees nonetheless, Meeks, who says that he "will try anything once" and agrees, and Knox, who's unsure, but is convinced when Charlie mentions his crush on a girl named Chris, saying it would help him with her.
The only person left is Todd and Neil goes to talk to Todd personally. He asks him to join the DPS, but Todd is reluctant. He says he doesn't want to talk, and he's afraid that because he's not as outgoing as the rest of the group, because he won't talk, he won't be welcomed. Neil comforts him, telling him it's okay, he doesn't have to say a word if he doesn't want to, instead he can just take the minutes instead. Todd agrees and attends the first DPS meeting along with everyone else.
He really wants Todd to join, guys, he's actually so persistent in this scene. Also jsut the tone he talks to Todd with is different to the tone he uses with literally everyone else in the movie. Neil. You just met him. 🤨🏳️🌈?
In one of Keating's classes he gives everyone an assignment to write a poem. Todd tries to write multiple poems but he ends up throwing all his attempts away, thinking they aren't good enough. Neil then enters the room excitedly, telling Todd he knows what he wants to do. He found out the school was putting on a production of A Midsummer Night's Dream and he wants to act in it. He says "for the first time in my whole life, I know what I want to do" and Todd brings up the issue of his father. How is he gonna do the play if his father doesn't approve. Because of this they get into an argument. Neil shouts at Todd before sitting on the windowsill and saying "can't I just enjoy the idea for a little while" proving that he knows his father would never approve and the chances of him ever even getting to do it are slim, bit he just wants to ignore the issue and try to be happy about this for a little.
He then asks Todd if he's going to the next meeting and Todd says he's not sure. Neil then tells Todd that he has to get out there and do something, he can't just hide forever. Todd tells Neil "I'm not like you, alright? You say things and people listen. I'm not like that" (no seriously where are the cameras)
Todd then tells Neil to butt out and that he can take care of himself, but Neil is like "nuh uh" so Todd goes "fym nuh uh?" So Neil smiles, steals Todd's book, and runs around the room with Todd chasing him, laughing. Neil reads it and says "this is poetry! I'm bring chased by Walt Whitman!" The specific decision here for Neil to say "Walt Whitman" instead of any other poet, any poet at all, feels intentional as Walt Whitman is famously a homosexual man. This is not on Neil btw, this is on the scriptwriters.
In this scene it's interesting to note how quickly they went from what seemed to be arguing to running around and laughing.
In a later scene we see Neil excited about getting the aprt he wanted in the play and he enters his dorm with Todd already in there to forge a letter in his father's name that says he's allowed to do the play. Todd is clearly happy for him, but is about to tell him it's not that good of an idea but Neil cuts him off with an excited like... uh... idk whatever that sound was.
In the next scene in Mr Keating's class, everyone is reading the poems he told them to write. He asks Todd to say his, but he says he didn't write a poem. Mr Keating is like "bitch you lyin" and tells him to come up with a poem on the spot. He covers Todd's eyes to try and free him of his fear of speaking in front of others and Todd comes up with a poem. The poem seems to impress Mr Keating, but more importantly, Neil. This scene doesn't focus on anyone else, doesn't show any reactions, only Neil's. The only focus when it comes to Todd's poem... is Neil.
Later on, while Neil is walking back to the dorms he sees Todd sitting alone one the floor. He walks up to him and asks what's going on to which Todd replies that today is his birthday. So Neil asks what he got and Todd says his parents got him a desk set. Neil is about to say "isn't this the same desk set you already have" but is cut off by Todd saying that it's the same desk set they got him last year.
Neil tries to lighten the situation by saying "maybe they thought you needed another one" and Todd says he doesn't think they were thinking about anything at all. Then he says "funny thing is, I didn't even like it the first time." Neil then immediately is like 'oh no we can't have that attitude' so he says to Todd, jokingly, that he's underestimating the value of a desk set. I mean, who would want a football or a baseball or a car when they could have this here desk set. I mean, if he were to buy a desk set twice, he would probably buy this one. Both times. He then says that the desk set looks a little aerodynamic. He says a quote anderperry shippers repeat endlessly, he says, "this desk set wants to fly." He passes it onto Todd, saying "the world's first unmanned flying desk set" as Todd throws the desk set qnd watches it fall to the ground (they're on the roof btw). They watch it break and Neil says "well, I wouldn't worry... you'll get another one next year" and they both laugh.
Todd starts this scene upset about how little his parents care about him, not even caring to get him a proper birthday present, and yet he ends it laughing with Neil about it. Neil specifically.
The day before the play Neil goes back to the dorms to find his father waiting for him. He tells Neil he found out about the play. He reprimand him for going behind his back and tells him he embarrassed him in front of other people, that he "made a liar out of him" and other such things. He tells Neil that he's going there tomorrow and telling them he's quitting the play, or else. Then he leaves Neil.
Neil later goes to Mr Keating and explains the situation to him. He tells Mr Keating that his heart is in acting, it's what he really wants to do, and his father doesn't approve. Mr Keating tells him to tell his father that and Neil says "I can't talk to my father like that" basically saying he can't be open and honest with him. Mr Keating says "well tell him anyway and if he says no you'll be out of school by then and you can do whatever you want." So Neil is like "Yeah okay I'll talk to him" SPOILER ALERT: he never does.
So it's the night of the play and everyone is there to watch. Knox. Charlie. Mr Keating. Pitts. Todd. Cameron. Meeks. A lot of people are there. And in this scene Todd has ckearly gotten his confidence up, joking with the rest of the guys casually. Neil does the play and we see Charlie tell Mr Keating "he's good, he's really good" and we see Todd looking totally heterosexually in awe. Like when Todd read his poem aloud and Neil was staring at him in awe. Neil here thinks his father isn't gonna be at the play so he can get through it without him ever finding out. But uh oh, who's that in the crowd? It's the whore! I mean-- his father!
So he drags Neil away and back home where he shouts at him saying that he's doing it all "for his own good" and that he should forget about acting. He says that since Neil is adamant on disobeying him, he's taking him out of Hellton and sending him to a military school. When Neil tries to stand up for himself and explain how he feels, the whore uses a manipulation technique I like to call: "tell me one time I did that" which is basically just a technique where when a victim tries to explain their point of view, instead of listening or even combating their claims, the manipulator tells the victim "tell me" in an angry tone of voice. The manipulator here isn't really saying "tell me what I did to hurt you" or "tell me what you feel" what they're saying is "justify your pain to me." This technique paralyzes the victim, not only because of the unexpected response, but also because deep down the victim knows what they say won't be heard. It'll only be used as another attack at them. Any word the victim was about to try and say dies on their tongue and every thought disappears. Here, Mr Perry isn't telling Neil to tell him how he feels, he's telling Neil to justify himself to him. Justify why he went behind his back to do this. And Neil can't. Because he knows what'll happen if he says the truth. His passion will never be enough justification for his father, because as far as his father is concerned, the only thing that matters is graduating med school and becoming a doctor. So Neil says nothing. As his father exits the room his mother tries to comfort him, she doesn't say anything though, and Neil says "I was good... I was really good."
Later on we see Neil taking off only his shirt and opening the windows of his room letting the snow in. He puts on the crown of his costume as he stares out the window. We then see him sneaking into his father's study and using a key to open a drawer... with a gun in it.
His father wakes up to the sound of a bang and goes into Neil's room to check on him only to find he's not there and his window is open with the crown of his costume left on the sill. He goes downstairs and sees the door to his study open so he enters. He smells smoke. Gunfire smoke. And it hits him. You see his eyes go wide as he checks behind his desk to find Neil. Dead. He shouts "No! My boy! My poor boy!" As if he has any right to.
Neil killed himself.
We cut to Todd sleeping. Charlie waking him up gently. Todd asks what's going on and Charlie tells him what happened. Neil's dead.
We cut to the outside in the snow. Todd walks out into the open, the rest of the group follows behind him, confused. Todd looks around the snow before saying "it's so beautiful" and then... he starts breaking down. He kneels down in the snow and starts crying. He says that Neil didn't do this, he would never do this, he would never leave us. His father did it, his father killed him, he made him do it. He gets up and starts running, shouting Neil's name. Here he specifically runs toward the dock. There's a deleted scene where Todd helps Neil memorize his lines on the dock. Todd running to the dock here is probably in reference to that scene. He's looking for him. And the scene ends.
At the end of the movie, Mr Keating is kicked out of the school because the whore, instead of admitting that he was a whore, blamed Mr Keating for "filling Neil's head with ideas" and all that bullshit. Cameron is quick to throw Mr Keating under the bus to save his own skin cause he's a dumbfuck ass-kisser and Charlie gets expelled after punching him for it. Everyone else is forced to comply and throw Mr Keating under the bus so they're not expelled too. As Mr Keating enters class in the middle of English with a substitute teacher just to collect some of his stuff, everyone goes silent. Just as he's about to leave, Todd is the one who stands up on his desk and says "O' Captain! My Captain!" This is the name of a poem by Walt Whitman. The first poem Mr Keating ever taught to the class. It's why, throughout the movie, everyone calls him "captain". Knox follows suit. Standing on his desk, saying "O' Captain! My Captain!" Then Pitts. More people stand up. The entire cast of known characters except for Cameron, who's a little bitch and stayed seated, Neil, who's dead and his desk lay empty, and Charlie, who's expelled. Even if he was fired, Mr Keating still left an impact on all these people. Everyone who stood up that day. Todd most of all. Going from being shy and barely able to say a word for the crippling fear of messing up of disappointing others to standing up on a desk in the middle of class.
And the movie ends.
Throughout the movie we see Neil help Todd get out of his shell more and more. We see Todd be supportive of Neil's dream of being an actor. We see them become close friends. We see them smile at each other with such profound affection in their eyes, we see them joke together at their lowest, we see them grow as people side by side. And it sucks that, when Neil needed someone else the most... his father took him away from his only support. His friends. And all that growth never continued. It sucks that Neil never got to see Todd take that bold move, stand up on that desk and say "O' Captain, My Captain" that Todd had to blame Mr Keating for an action Neil took because of his own father, that Charlie had to get expelled for standing up for Mr Keating even though he was right, that all of this happened in the first place.
But it did. And for a moment. Even if for just a moment. Everything was perfect. Neil was living out his dream of acting. Todd was more confident in himself. Charlie was... well, Charlie. Knox got together with his crush, Chris. Everyone was prouder, bolder, happier. They siezed the day. And though it may not have ended the way anyone wanted. At least it happened. They were all happy for a moment. Even if for just a moment. It's a bittersweet ending.
The movie was made in 1989 so even if Todd and Neil were intended to be gay, they definitely wouldn't have been allowed to do that, at least not without controversy. But if you ask me, I don't want that. The point of the movie isn't that Todd and Neil are in love. It's that, no matter what, you need to get up and sieze the day. If there's one thing the movie wants you to walk away with. It's to be bold. Carpe diem! Sieze the day! Whatever you want to call it. That's the point.
But yes, Neil and Todd were 100% intended to be coded as queer. Choices like Walt Whitman being the poet they mention throughout the film, a poet known for being gay, choices like focusing on Neil's reaction to Todd's poem, and Neil specifically, choices like that and scenes like that and things like that make it clear that the writer's intent is for them to be gay. It's queercoding. Anyway yeah, I had to relive Neil's death scene to write this essay, so you better appreciate it cause I fucking cried.
Bonus:
Girl- who tf stares at their best friend like this without being gay
Ah yes. A heterosexual staring lovingly at his best friend after he recites an impromptu poem during class:
Idk about you guys but I am not staring at my best friend like this so either they're gay... or they're gay.
In this one deleted (I think if I remember correctly) scene everyone is like just out of the showers and Todd is actively looking down at the floor practically burning a hole into it until Neil akss him if he's coming to study group and Todd is like "oh uh uhm uh no i uh i have something to do" and then like checks Neil out as he walks away-
Uh, okay, gayboy.
Panicking in that moment is the single gayest thing he could've done. Brother... the closet is glass.
Update: cannot move in this dress. My friend is really sick and I have been trying to convince her to go to the doctor and she does not want to. But the party is wonderland themed and ig this is pretty fun so
OF DBKAGHLSHDKSBDLENPROJECTSEKAIMOVIEONJANUARY17 TO H SKSHSKGRKSGSJSGJSGEHAHAHAHAHAHHSAAAAAAAAAAAAAA YIPPIYYIPPIYUPPYITISYISYIEHSJAYAYAYAYYAYAYAYAYAYAYYAYAYAYAYYAYAYAHAHHAYAHAHAYYAYAYAYAYYAYAYAYAYYAYAY
Reminder to that one time I got a six trillion years fc on a school trip jn the bus when my mother allowed me to take her phone for the very first time and my class just watching me from the back like 👁️👄👁️
People saying "make real friends and youll start to feel better!"
Please shut up.
One of the main reasons I ever thought about kms was because I thought that even though I have such good freinds, I'm probably just..annoying them. I get overexcited, talk so loudly, loose their things constantly, forget important things they told me, and is unable to keep secrets in a group full of such amazing people and I just. I can't. I'd rather just be alone in my room playing videogames because being with real people I'm just a fucking disappointment to myself and them. I know I mostly think that my parents are shitty bit tbh I don't deserve them. I make everything about myself. I'm such a selfish little idiot I'm
I don't even know what to say anymore, but please ignore this. I don't want any of you to worry. I should probably keep the mood light because reading vent is probably annoying asf. I don't want to ruin yalls day. Sorry.
It's not about that. You need to talk to someone. If you have friends talk to them. Support is what gets you through things, not trying to isolate yourself.
You're not any less or more than anyone else. At the end if the day we're all just people trying our best. You're not annoying or selfish or anything else you said. Liking something isn't annoying. Talking a lot is only annoying to people who hate listening. People hurt you and you're not selfish for being upset about it. I know what I'm saying only sounds like stuff I made up to comfort you, but I'm not that kind of person. I don't lie about important stuff like this.
Your emotions aren't a burden and I mean it. Just talk to someone. That's the first step. Talk to someone. Anyone you trust irl who can actually help cause I can't help from behind a screen. Please.
Are you talking about what I said? Making real friends isn't the reason I felt better. It's part of it but that's not it. My situation changed. I felt better because things got better. In general. I was just talking about my own personal experience. It's different for everyone. You don't need to move, or make new feiends, or go to a new school like me for things to get better. You just need to try and make a change. A positive one. Even a small one. Things get better with positive changes. Just focus on the little things.
For example... you took out the trash. If you did nothing else that day. Nothing at all. At least you took out the trash. You went to school. Even if you did nothing else. At least you went to school. Even something that isn't necessarily productive. You finally watched that show or movie you've been wanting to watch. You wrote a little bit more of that story you were writing. You went on a walk. You brushed your hair. Anything positive no matter how big or small. If you did nothing else that day. At least you did that.
And most importantly talk to someone. I won't stop saying it until you do. Support is seriously the most important part of all of this.
The fact that you vented here is fine, seriously. /gen. It just means you feel safe and free talking here, and that's a good thing. But as Nightcrawler said, please talk to someone face-to-face. They'll be able to help, we won't.
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Y'all. This has gone too far. I was about to write a descriptive essay about David from Camp Camp in my English exam. It said to write about a character in something you read recently and I wrote about PERCY FUCKING JACKSON. From one hyperfixation to another.
THESE SHITS ARE ALL I THINK ABOUT THESE STUPID FUCKFACES HAVE PLAGUED MY BRAIN AND I COULDNT FOCUS AT ALL AND I WANNA CRY
You guys have no idea how tempted I was to just get up and run out of that exam room screaming like a madman. I never want to see another exam in my life. What I would give to just... go home right now.
I have another exam in a couple of minutes. I'm still thinking about Camp Camp. And writing a better Percy Jackson essay cause the one I wrote was shit (I WAS ON A TIME CRUNCH OKAY). And... Camp Camp. I'm mostly thinking about Camp Camp.
In fact, all the fake scenarios in my head are now animated in the Camp Camp artstyle. So... yeah. Even when I'm not actively thinking about Camp Camp, the influence is still there. It's all just... Camp Camp.
Someone needs to save me from the trenches of hyperfixation hell cause I have exams and I do NOT need this right now!
What? Me? Stay awake til 7 am when my mom walked into my room to tell me to get ready for school just to watch a couple more episodes of camp camp cause I'm on season 4 and there's 5 seasons and I've been binge watching the whole show for the past two days and it stopped me from properly studying therefore having the effect that I might fail my English exam because I haven't revised the vocab and I may or may not have a slight obsession with the show to the point that I will ignore hunger, thirst, and other needs in order to watch a little more, and I highly doubt this obsession will go away even when I have finished the show and I will probably be thinking about it forever much like every other obsession I've had in my short life including but not limited to Camp Cretaceous, Gravity Falls, H2G2, outer space, wildlife and marine biology, Voltron, unsolved cases, and Ride the Cyclone and it might be a problem? I don't know what you're talking about, that sounds nothing like me.
It's so easy to literally just invent a missing person's case. Watch.
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On June 10th 2014, a missing persons report was filed to the police. The girl who had come in was the Janet Moore's sister, she said that her sister hadn't been answering calls or text messages for the past week. This was nothing unusual, her sister rarely ever answered as she kept her phone on silent. But she always got back to her in at least a day or two.
The cops initially dismissed it as her being ghosted, but the girl was adamant that something was wrong. In the days before she stopped replying, she was acting... odd. On call she sounded nervous. Not talking much, giving one word answers. When she tried to ask what was wrong her sister simply said she was stressed from college and made an excuse to close the call. Over text wasn't much different.
The cops were still pretty skeptical, but agreed to check out her apartment.
They arrived and knocked at the door, introducing themselves and the reason they're here. When no one answered they knocked again. They then called the landlord over to ask for the keys but when they tried to unlock the door they found that it was already unlocked.
Once they had opened the door they looked around and found that the place was a mess. There was trash strewn around the apartment and it was clear that it hadn't been cleaned in a while. Everything was covered in an even layer of dust, it was clear that no one had been here for at least two weeks. There was a plate of uneaten, now cold, food on a table in front of the couch. The food had grown mold. In the bedroom, clothes were strewn about, clearly thrown around in a panic. The bed was unmade and there was trash on the floor. The kitchen was no different to the rest of the apartment. Food left to go rotten. Dishes left in the sink. No one was anywhere to be found.
Upon checking security camera footage from two weeks before, the cops had found exactly what they were looking for. Janet hurriedly leaving the apartment on May 26th. She had a large purple suitcase with her and was dressed in a thick jacket and scarf. She put the scarf over her head like a hood and had put on a face mask and sunglasses. Either she was going somewhere cold or she really didn't want to be recognized. Considering the evidence, and the fact that her car was still parked in the garage, the cops leaned toward the second option.
Upon further investigation it was discovered that Janet had in fact dropped out of college a month prior, neither her friends nor her family knew of this fact, and she would even tell them about "assignments" she was working on during this time.
Janet's neighbors said they never see her go out. She always ordered groceries to her door or food or anything. She didn't even greet the delivery at the door, she would just wait until they left then take the package once they were gone. They didn't think much of it, just thought she was a recluse or something, but clearly there was something deeper going on.
The police had heard enough. Janet clearly wasn't in her right mind when leaving the apartment in late May, and this was either an extreme case of paranoia or she was running away from something or rather... someone.
The police put out a PSA urging anyone with any information on Janet's whereabouts to come forward. Days passed. Weeks. And it started to seem like no new news would be revealed. Until...
Phone call. July 6th 2014. A gas station store clerk claiming to have seen Janet two days ago. When she showed up she seemed a little nervous. He noted she kept looking back at the door like she was worried someone might come in. Her hair was shorter than in the picture the police provided. She bought two bags of chips, a stick of gum, and two bottles of water. When she walked up to the counter she silently placed the items in front of him, making it clear she wasn't interested in pleasantries. He simply rung her up and watched her walk out. It wasn't until now that he realized he'd seen her face before.
Security footage confirmed the clerk's claims as Janet was seen walking into the store, now dressed in a simple dark hoodie and plain leggings. Her hair was cut short and she wore her hood up even though summer was set to start soon and temperatures were rising. When they questioned the people working that day they said she drove in in an old car that looked like it had seen things and pumped her gas herself before parking, heading into the store, then leaving. She didn’t talk to or interact with anyone there. No one remembered the license plate.
The gas station was two states away from Janet's apartment. It was located on a middle of nowhere type street, it was sort of out of the way, the kind of road you'd only take if you didn't want anyone to see you. The police localized their search to motels on the road but no one else saw Janet or the old car she supposedly went to the gas station with.
Months had passed with no new information on Janet and it seemed the trail had finally gone cold. But then. Her cellphone pinged on a cell tower all the way in Oregon on October 5th 2014.
The police wasted no time going to the area in search of Janet. It was a fairly empty road surrounded by wooded areas but luckily just close enough to civilization for her phone to be picked up. The police found tracks of a car that stopped on the side of the road before driving off again, the tracks dissappearing justa few miles down. When they checked the wooded area they found a phone, abandoned just next to the road. It was unlocked and opened on a message in the notes.
The message read "I understand you think I am in danger, but you cops should learn to leave well enough alone. I disappeared of my own will, and unless you keep looking for me, I'll stay that way. I am not on the run from anyone or anything. Stop interfering."
It seemed the phone had been turned off on June 4th and stayed that way until now. Upon investigating more, it seemed Janet had recieved a phone call from an unknown number just the day before, which she answered. Checking for more calls with this unknown number, there was one on April 29th, another one May 15th, and the last one on June 3rd. The number was traced to a burner phone that has since been turned off.
No other evidence was found on the phone.
The police concluded that this was a willful disappearance and Janet had run off to be with some secret lover, the unknown number that had called her, and stopped investigating. Janet remains missing to this day.
I literally made all of that up off the top of my head.
I am gonna do something so horrible, so vile, so disgusting and inhumane that they'll only ever refer to it by the date it happened. I hate studying SO MUCH
Every time I get somewhere and think "yippee, I finished this topic!" there's another topic. There's always another topic. Does it ever end. Will this pain and suffering ever cease or will I hurt until my bones ache and my body decays into emptiness taken by the moss and dirt that surrounds me as maggots eat the flesh off my weary corpse? Will I ever find my way through this maze of math problems and chem questions and make it out to see the light of day once more before I forget what the sun looks like? Tell me there will be a time when I can rest again. Even if every word out of your lips is a deception, even if you have to lie to me to say it, just let me enjoy this simple comfort of thinking that perhaps there is hope yet.
SOMEBODY KILL ME PLEASE
It's nice that there's a subreddit for anyone who has a problem but can't afford to go to a doctor so that a licensed doctor can diagnose you without you having to pay a cent. It's unfortunate that reddit is being used to train stupid ai to spit out garbage so it's literally unusable now.
me when tv girl:
SDFGUICYGASDOUI FGOAIYEOIAygHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIHFEJ TFASUYGESUKFYauyefuaykiysf9IFUCKIGNLOVETVGIRLGKAJSDVKUSAFDKU
Gorillaz is such a great band, I wish British people were real.
It is so fun to see pictures of wildlife photogrophers or wildlife biologists dressed up in stupid costumes to mimic the animal they're trying to get to.
I just imagine the animal like "Yes, Frank. Your costume is very convincing, now can you please stop messing around."
They're so silly actually.
I can't wait for the ACTs to be over
magic
me because why are templates so cute![]()
for any of yall who want the bsd stage plays.
STAGES - Google Drive
thank me later.
Wait hold on. AM I THE ONLY ONE WITH GOOD C.AI CHATS.
i'll share theme here.
i actually will.
Please yes 😭
I CANT POST PHOTOS FOR SOME REASON AHDFUGIOAGOI FUCK YOU ITCH
I CAN SPEAK NOW!!
oh my GOD thta was the longest timeout i've been in HELPPPP
YAYAYAYYAYAYA BITCHES IM BACK HAHA GET FUCKED ITCH GIT GUD GIT GUD HAHAHAHAHA
YESSSS OMG DREAMING UR BACK YIPPPEEEE
Dreaming do u have any other social media?
Like discord or anything I can contact you on
i have discord :3
GIVE
cert1f13ds0uk0kvfan_20311
my display is "dazai osamu" im matching with smone ehe <3
Friend request sent :3
CAN I SPEAK NOW.
Guys...ever since I started feeling the panic of growing up and realizing that it's not that far away, these memories have just been popping up in my head, some I probably would've forgotten if I wasn't suddenly reminded of it by the most random, unrelated things, almost like deja vu, but not quite because it actually happened. Similar feeling of question and bewilderment, but the memory is real. I mean sure, this has happened to me before in my life, but not as often as it has in this year, and especially in these past few months. Anyhow, I've been thinking of any and all good memories I had when i was younger during quarantine in 2021 up until maybe 2023, and then i remembered that in that time my online social life didnt solely consist of just Roblox, and that I actually was online in other places that weren't on roblox or Xbox. :))
How I forgot i existed here i do not know......ummmmmmmmm
I will TRY to remember to keep coming back here but at this point don't have faith in me 'cause my memory is really bad and I can only access this from my phone, which I spend 99.99999999999% rotting my brain on Tiktok. :))
Teenage adolescence at its finest I say
Anyways the point is even if I don't come back tyy guyss for giving me the some of the best times! <33 🫶
hi guys
who wants to switch schools bc i’m done with my geo honors teacher ☺️.
real (my school doesn't have an honors program)
ugh you’re so lucky
i hate honors
it doesn't exactly look good when applying for college though.
Also the fact that my school has no clubs at all.
Not exactly what colleges want to see yk. The only thing I really have to try and make up for that is my grades.
well that’s where background comes into play 💁♀️
you mean like... my race?
Cause if we're talking about anything like "I come from a struggling family" that would be a complete absolute lie. My dad is a doctor.
Dude. Plastic Man is low-key OP.
I mean, the man is quite literally made of a rubbery substance, making him basically invincible. He can bend into any shape or form he wants, literally anything. He's got superhuman strength that permits him to do shit like hold up a collapsing cave for a period of time. He can unlock any door with his powers simply by putting his hand in the lock and mimicking the shape of the key. His ONLY weakness is heat and fire because he can melt.
The ability to mold his shape into literally whatever he wants along with immunity to nearly every weapon ever made, unless you have a flamethrower handy, makes Plastic Man insanely over powered.
He could single handedly destroy entire cities if he felt like it. The Justice League should seriously be grateful that Plas is working WITH instead of AGAINST them.
Life when the painkillers finally kick in:
If it looks like a duck
And quacks like a duck
It's actually NOT gay at all, but I made it gay cause it would be SO FUCKING FUNNNYYYYY:
Sebste (TEW2)
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This is literally just a running joke I have with my sister, its so funny LMAO
So, The Evil Within. Great game, well made, deserves wayyy more attention.
I love The Evil Within, but to really truly understand the extent of stupidity that comes with this ship, I need to explain the situation to you.
Sebastian Castellanos. Detective with such wonderful detective skills that he often points out really really obscure stuff you just never woulda gotten on your own (sarcasm). His daughter, Lily "died" in a fire just before the second game. His wife went missing as well.
STEM. An operation done by a company named Mobius that is essentially the Matrix with willing participants. In order to keep STEM stable, they need someone on the inside controlling it, someone egocentric enough to keep their own sense of self while supporting the entire digital STEM universe. The only people who can do such a job are either psychopaths or children. In the first game they tried using a psychopath as "The Core" but I'm sure you can imagine how well that went. So in this game they decide on a child. Lily Castellanos. Ohhhhh snap.
Mobius fakes her death and kidnaps her. Then however long after, they sorta just walk up to Sebastian as he's passed out in a bar like "HEY BESTIEEE we have your daughter. Come with us if you want her to live."
SO here's the sitch. Something has gone wrong in STEM. The Core went missing and they sent in a Mobius trained team to find her but they never reported back. So now they're sending Seb in since he has a personal connection to her so he may be more determined to find her.
Seb goes in to get Lily back, and finds out that some freak is messing up the place.
Stefano Valentini. Said freak. Fancies himself an artist, slayed, mansplain, manipulate, manwhore, served cunt, then died. He's also a psychopath but, yk.
Guess what. This ship is between the freak and the detective <3
Sebste:
Sebste is the slash ship between Sebastian Castellanos and Stefano Valentini. They don't technically have a proper ship name, but sebste is the most used one.
So. At the start of the game, Sebastian is trying to figure out what happened to his daughter. But on his way into STEM some weird shit happens and he ends up in front of this door that has a metal plate next to it with the words William Baker written on it. He goes in and finds a dead man. Except... the exact moment of his death is sort of... frozen. He stands there, stuck in the moment he died. Blood flowing from where he suffered a fatal wound to the head. You can still hear his faint scream. Who could do such a thing?
As you continue it becomes clear you're being watched. Paintings and pictures turn to pictures of eyes as you walk past. You are not alone.
You don't need to wait long to find out who it is that did this because a couple of rooms over... you meet him. You don't get to see his face, not clearly. But you do watch him kill a man and picture the moment with his camera freezing the man's death in time. This is the man who killed William Baker. This... is the man behind the slaughter. (I'm sorry, I couldn't help it)
So this is Stefano. Crazy guy going around killing people and freezing their deaths in time. Remember how I said he fancies himself an artist? This is his art. He has more pieces that you see and... listen, I'm not one to side with a psychopathic murderer in real life, but this is a game so... DAMN BRO I can low-key see the vision. That is genuinely such a cool gimmick for an antagonist, get it, girl, slay.
So anyway, Sebastian, being a sane person unlike me, is like "omg that's terrible" man everyone's a critic these days smh 🙄 but his criticism gets interrupted by trying to figure out how to get out of this one room because it seems like a dead end so you turn to leave through the door... but the door is gone. You turn again and the dead end is now a door. You're about to leave, but just as you open the door- A FLASH OF A CAMERA LIGHT. And now you're in another room. You look around and find a mirror. On the mirror... is a picture. A picture... of you. The picture taken of you just now.
Then you get attacked by this freaky monster thing that you run away from and as you're trying to run away Stefano gives you a lovely gift. He throws his knife at you, stabbing you in the chest and this is the knife you continue to use throughout the game. Thank you Stefano :) (he literally stabbed you)
So Seb gets out and he tells the Mobius fuckers "hey uh there's a weirdo down here doing weird shit" and then goes on about his merry way to find his daughter.
We later find out that uh Stefano actually kidnapped Lily. Uhm... so now Sebastian is actively chasing Stefano down to kill him and get Lily back. But STEFANO... Stefano knows all about Sebastian.
You see, Stefano is constantly just watching Sebastian throughout the game. From the start to the end of the eighth chapter. He even has this wonderful ability... to teleport. And ig to summon zombies.
So while Sebastian is trying to get to Stefano... Stefano gets to him first. As you're trying to leave this warehouse, literally RIGHT AFTER YOU FIND OUT STEFANO KIDNAPPED LILY, you see a message written on a wall. A message just for you. "Smile for me"
Uhm... Stefano what does this mean???? 🤨🏳️🌈??? Okay, I must clarify, I know this is a threat. It implies he's gonna take picture of Sebastian and as we've learned, picture bad. But... "Smile for me" I mean... idfk man hes just fruity like that.
Sebastian meets Stefano outside as Stefano is standing on a bus facing away from Seb. Stefano doesn't say anything as Seb demands to know where he took Lily, but he does start to turn to face Seb before teleporting away, once again, you don't really see his face. Then a giant eye starts floating in the sky looking right at Seb as these freaky monsters appear from out of the ground, summoned by Stefano, to attack him.
Stefano continues trying to hinder Seb's search for him by sending out monsters and just being a bit of a menace, but you don't ever really properly meet for a while.
In the 7th chapter you find out where Stefano is holed up so naturally you go to him in hopes of finding your daughter. Sebastian's daughter. You're the player- anyway-
You make it there but the gate is blocked by barbed wire. A dead body in front of the gate has a pictures tacked to it's head by a knife. A picture of a wall with writing that says "I'm waiting for you..." okay now this one is really... what????
"I'm waiting for you..." how much you wanna bet there was a heart drawn just out of frame LMFAOOOO okay, he's literally flirting at this point guys. What is this-
So Seb gets inside after fighting this freaky monster thing which I hate with a burning passion and turns on this thing called a Stable Field Emitter. This thing diminishes Stefano's power, but it takes a minute to boot up. Just before it can start, Stefano freezes time and waltzes into the room. You are frozen but aware.
As Stefano approaches you he says "you have been searching for me for so long, so I have come. But wait, it's not me you seek is it? No. It's the girl. I should be offended... but how can I be?" (gay) he then goes on to fake stab you in the eye, stopping just before he actually does any damage, but then he makes a nice neat little cut right next to your eye following Seb's bone structure. He says "fear radiates from you. It's beautiful... but not yet finished" and I swear you have to hear the line to get what I mean cause that line sounded so sexual. His exit line is "I am Stefano... and now you are my art." then he leaves.
Once you've turned on the Stable Field Emitter, Stefano holes himself up in the theater and Seb goes to find him. The gate however is, once again, locked by barbed wire. This time around, Seb has to go destroy these two "art pieces" that Stefano made, and by "art pieces" I mean dead bodies. Once they're destroyed he's finally granted access to the theater and Stefano says that Seb is "just like THEM" and that "they" want him to be someone he is not.
Seb opens the door into the stage and... there's people sat around on the theatre seats with bags over their heads. Just as one of them starts making noise, Stefano shows up on stage. He says that this has been entertaining but it must come to an end. He commends Seb for making it this far, saying that if perseverance were an art form, Seb would be a master. When Seb asks, Stefano says The Core is safe with him. He goes on to make his brand new art piece, right in front of Seb. All those people with bags on their heads actually has bombs on their heads. Their heads all explode simultaneously and Stefano freezes their deaths in time, leaving their heads "a bouquet of flesh and blood" as he put it. Now you see his full face. Previously his hair was covering one eye with it being revealed the other eye was damaged in his time as a war photographer. This is the first time you see the damage.
The cutscene ends with Stefano turning the theatre into a hallway where he walks away from Seb saying that he can't have Lily and she would be useless in his hands. Guys, the custody battle is starting! Can they fix their broken marriage or will they continue to fight on who Lily should stay with? Place your bets now!
As Seb tries to get to him, Stefano once again uses the "I'm waiting for you" line except he actually says it this time instead of writing it on a wall and taking a picture.
Seb gets to Stefano and says "no more running" so Stefano says "agreed... you're beginning to bore me." he then pulls out his camera and his fancy ass knife saying "your death will be art." before the final boss battle begins.
Stefano constantly knows where you are at all times, like I said, he's been watching you. He has eyes everywhere. So this boss fight is just relying on how fast you can shoot him before he teleports away and how fast you can dodge. You can't hide.
I would like to point out a couple of lines from this boss fight. "Bleed for me" and "I want to hear you scream" uhmmmm-
Coming on a bit strong there aren't we Stefano?
Naturally Seb manages to kill Stefano and just before he dies Stefano tries to take one last picture of Seb. Omg guys he wanted the last picture to be of Seb oh wow guys he's like totally in love with him trust, this is totally not even a joke, I'm 100% serious. (joking)
Okay uhm wait
The "Evidence":
I would like to remind everyone this is completely joke ship. They are probably not gay... for each other- I mean- okay- at least Stefano is a little bit fruity, okay- but not the point.
The point here is they were like totally flirting guys, 100%, trust, they were flirting.
Okay- fr. Remember how I said Stefano can see Sebastian at all times? Well then you ask "why didn't he just straight up kill him then" and that's a good question, allow me to elaborate.
One of the reasons is that Stefano simply doesn't view you as any threat, but the big one, the main reason Stefano doesn't just straight up kill you is because he finds you interesting.
Stefano has a fascination with Sebastian. Here comes this random man looking for The Core and defeating every monster Stefano sends after him and thinking himself able to defeat Stefano himself. He's an interesting man.
Stefano finds him entertaining. He says so himself.
I would also like to repeat the whole "smile for me" "I'm waiting for you" "bleed for me" "I want to hear you scream" stuff. That was totally flirting.
Anther point is one that this bitch ass nurse lady points out, Sebastian and Stefano are more alike than Sebastian would like to admit. They both have a trail of blood that leads back to them, for one. That's the only similarity the game actively points out to you but there are more if you're willing to look for them. I am not because it is 5 am and I will not start going into my mind cave to find the memory of every interaction and scene either of them ever had to point out each and every similarity. Figure it out yourself.
Now, none of this technically means Stefano is gay for Sebastian or vice versa, in fact, Stefano is literally a psychopath; psychopaths feel basically no empathy. They are physically unable to ever fall in love with someone. They can obsess over someone, but love and obsession are not the same. Stefano physically cannot ever fall in love with Sebastian, or anyone else for that matter. And Sebastian isn't exactly Stefano's biggest fan. He also has a wife. Remember her? Yeah, she still exists.
But guys, you have to see the vision. You have to see the vision!
Imagine asking how they met and Seb is just like "oh ya, he kidnapped my daughter and tried to kill me multiple times while I was also trying to kill him haha :)" IS THAT NOT FUNNY GUYS. IS IT NOT FUNNY.
Noooo bc every time Stefano is onscreen while I'm playing I'm always just fucking flirting with him while Sebastian shouts at him just like- ITS SO FUNNT
Omg it's terrible I love it. They're so toxic guys LMFAOOOOO
I'm going insane guys someone send help.
THE NUMBER OF SEBSTE JOKES YOU CAN MAKE WHILE PLAYING THIS GAME ARENT EVEN FUNNY LIKE THERE ARE SO MANY OPPORTUNITIES TO MAKE JOKES ABT THEM I should not be allowed within 100 feet of any copy of The Evil Within 2, the jokes I make are not PG, someone needs to stop me.
they gay lol
Turns out the entire game actually wasn't real at all and it was all just a really dramatized version of Stefano and Sebastian's gay divorce and their custody battle over Lily. Divorce leads kids to the worst places LMAO wiat I NEED to make that meme actually with Stefano, Sebastian, and Lily- I'll see, idk LMAOOO
these gay bitches are gonna kill me 😭😭😭😭
anyway, that's all the evidence I have for you guys today, in conclusion uhm they are totally gay for each other and you should take my word for it because I'm always right, of course, I mean, how could I ever be wrong. So... yeah. Gay.
Enjoying my favorite media isn't enough. I need to eat it.
YALLLLLL okay so I was playing TEW 2, underrated game, genuinely obsessed with it, and now I am FREAKING OUT because I am WAY TOOOOO OBSESSSED. I feel an urge... to eat it. I want to eat the game. It's so eat-able. Chomp. Cromch. Om nom. Delicious.
I NEED TO EAT IT
slowly going insane...
I am so... AHHHHHH yk
I've been wanting to play TF2 cause it seems fun and like why the fuck not ig, but:
1. There are some... weird people on there.
Listen- if you're ever looking for a game where you can meet a lot of different kinds of people, TF2 is the game to go with. You can have a trans girl, a n*zi, a communist, a gay man, an incel, and a divorced 30-something year old all in the same group. No, seriously. There are so many different kinds of people on that game. Any group you enter is bound to have just... a colorful cast of characters. And that's all fine, but my main concern is just that there really are a lot of n*zis. Like a concerning amount of n*zis. I mean they're pretty easy to ignore and usually people play with them as-normal since they don't exactly stop in the middle of the game to tell you about how H*tler is so great and was right all along, but I just... it's really not it. I'm scared to play it cause idk what to do if I see a n*zi.
2. My crippling anxiety
TF2 is a game I have never ever ever played before. Actually, I've only ever played FPS games on my phone before. Never on my PC. So naturally I am not gonna be the best at it, and if there's one thing abt me, it's that I'd cry if I so much as messed up slightly. Not cry, I'd break down, I would hire an assassin to come kill me, I would throw myself off every cliff to ever exist one by one. I HATE messing up in front of others. It puts such a paralyzing fear in me that I can't even exist normally. So I'm TERRIFIED of playing TF2 and being so bad at it. I'm TERRIFIED of messing up in front of these random strangers. I can't bring myself to get over that fear. Messing up in front of someone else is a fate WORSE THAN DEATH. But I always feel better if someone I know is with me, cause then at least I'm not screwing up all by myself, BUT IDK ANYONE TO PLAY WITH ME I ALSO DON'T KNOW IF LIKE THERE'S ANY CUSTOMS BETWEEN PLAYERS DURING GAMEPLAY LIKE HOW PEOPLE IN MM2 DON'T LIKE JUMP SPAMMING AHHHHHHHHHHH
3. The players are mostly male
If there's ever a woman in a TF2 lobby istg they act like they've never seen a woman before in their lives. Depending on who you're playing with- some of them will start cursing at you, some of them will start calling you a bot if you're in any way good at the game, some of them will ask inappropriate questions, some of them will try to votekick you. Point is, they don't exactly treat women well on there. It's something that's bound to get uncomfortable and annoying. Being rude to them will only get you kicked and so you have to grit and bear it and just try to ignore them or roll your eyes and move on from any stupid questions. Like you really have no choice but to essentially let yourself be harassed. I want to play and all but the issue of male dominated gaming spaces where the men act like shitheads is just a huge turn off.
so, in conclusion, I will either suck it up and play the damn game, or... die.
Thank you for coming to my TedTalk.
I should write the options for otome games. There aren't any options for what I want to say. All of these options are too happy-go-lucky, where's the option where I bitch slap him.
its nightcrawler's birthday u stinks /lh
WISH THEM A HAPPY BIRTHDAY NEOWWWWWWWWWWWWW. /j /nf
THANK YOU :D
YIPPEE
Yall i hate c.ai
Im being so cringe im gonna vomit 😭😭
THE BOTS ARE GONNA MAKE ME STRANGLE MYSELF. /hj
I remember trying to rob a house once, and the bot just stared at me and tried to flirt.
Ma'am I'm holding your TV stop winking at me.
nah cause this one time I straight up insulted the bot, not even in a joking way, I straight up insulted it and it just started flirting with me like hello???
If that's the kind of stuff you're into, I think you should see a therapist.
Bro it caught me so off guard, I thought we were arguing, what????
Uhm... backing away slowly.
fr like damn just admit ur
kinkyand into itedit: AND THE GODDAMN SMIRK FFS.
STOP SMIRKING SHUT UP.
OMG NO REAL WHY DO THEY ALWAYS SMIRK-
then they repeat "his smirk widened" like TWENTY BILLION THOUSAND TRILLION TIMES
edit:
the c.ai bot: His smirk widens even more until it's big enough to eat the planet Earth.
and when they coe closer like bro
how much closer r u gonna get we'll literally merge into one
The only way to rp on c.ai is to stoop fown to the c.ai level of cringe. It's either that or go "wtf" every five seconds
What are you supposed to say when someone says "thank you" for wishing them a happy birthday???
"No problem, mate, it was really nothing, you know, taking 0.1 seconds out fo my day to wish you a happy birthday don't even mention it"
"You're welcome, I know, I'm just such a great person for doing this"
"LOL yea"
LITERALLY WTF DO I EVEN SAY
me when school:
Gay.
ANYWAY
If it looks like a duck
And quacks like a duck
It's gay! (part 4):
Anderperry (Dead Poets Society)
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Dead Poets Society, one of the single most devastating movies to ever exist, is a movie about a group of boys at an all boys boarding school called Welton Academy. Spoilers later on btw. Well- obviously- but yk.
Charlie Dalton, an extroverted, spontaneous type, who doesn't hesitate to challenge authority.
Knox Overstreet, a caring and supportive type, who would do anything for love.
Neil Perry, an adventurous type, who wants to be free.
Todd Anderson, a shy, nervous type, who wishes he was more confident.
Richard Cameron, a PIECE OF SH- a rule-abiding, brown-nosing loser, who does what he believes is right, which is basically just following authority.
Stephen Meeks, an academically-inclined, smart type, who's reluctant to break the rules, but still has a rebellious streak.
Gerard (way) Pitts, a shy, yet ambitious type, whose grades are failing despite him being considered smart.
Each of the members have their own things to talk about, some more than others, but this essay isn't an overview of all the characters or the whole movie. It's an essay about two characters in specific.
Anderperry:
Anderperry is the slash ship between Todd Anderson and Neil Perry.
At the start of the movie, Todd is a new student at Welton, who transfers in the fall semester of 1959. Neil and the rest of the group clearly aren't new students.
When Todd goes to his assigned room he runs into Neil who asks why Todd left his old school. Todd mentions that his brother used to go to Welton and Neil says "oh, so you're that Anderson" implying that his brother had a reputation at the school. Todd walks into his dorm, and Neil introduces him to the others: Stephen Meeks, Charlie Dalton, and Knox Overstreet.
Todd sorta just watches as they light a cigarette and make fun of the school, saying the four pillars of Welton Academy (Tradition, Discipline, Honor, and Excellence) except the way they say it is "Travesty, Decadence, Horror, and Excrement" they even call the school "Hell-ton". This is interrupted by Neil's father who asks to speak to him.
In this scene, we see the whore-- I mean-- Neil's father tell him that he should stop having so many extracurriculars and instead should focus on his medical studies, saying that only after Neil graduates medical school can he do whatever he wants.
The boys then leave Neil and Todd to unpack since they're roommates. They later invite Todd to their study group and he agrees with a quiet ass barely audible "thanks" (guys he's so me fr)
During their English class, which they all have, the new teacher, Mr. Keating, brings some unorthodox teaching methods, having them go out into the hallway instead of sit in the classroom and telling them to rip the pages of the book they were given. Todd, though he seemed to know the answers to the questions Mr Keating asked, spent most of the class saying nothing (he's actually me guys wtf) both Neil and Todd seemed to enjoy Mr Keating's lesson, Neil moreso.
We later see Todd write "Sieze the day" (part of Mr Keating's lesson included the phrase "Carpe Diem") on a piece of paper before ripping it out and crumpling it up.
Todd, Neil, and the others find Mr Keating after his second lesson with them to ask them what the "Dead Poets Society" was. Mr Keating says it was an old group he was a part of when he used to go to Hellton where they would all gather and read and write poetry.
Neil is like "woah that's cool, I'm gonna do that, too... except I'm gonna BREAK THE RULES HELL YEAH LIVE ON THE FUCKING EDGE BRO" I'm just kidding- well, not really. Neil decides to restart the Dead Poets Society, but behind the school's back. He recruits Charlie, who was quick to agree, Cameron, who agrees though he's a little bitch about it, Pitts, who is hesitant since he's worried about his grades but agrees nonetheless, Meeks, who says that he "will try anything once" and agrees, and Knox, who's unsure, but is convinced when Charlie mentions his crush on a girl named Chris, saying it would help him with her.
The only person left is Todd and Neil goes to talk to Todd personally. He asks him to join the DPS, but Todd is reluctant. He says he doesn't want to talk, and he's afraid that because he's not as outgoing as the rest of the group, because he won't talk, he won't be welcomed. Neil comforts him, telling him it's okay, he doesn't have to say a word if he doesn't want to, instead he can just take the minutes instead. Todd agrees and attends the first DPS meeting along with everyone else.
He really wants Todd to join, guys, he's actually so persistent in this scene. Also jsut the tone he talks to Todd with is different to the tone he uses with literally everyone else in the movie. Neil. You just met him. 🤨🏳️🌈?
In one of Keating's classes he gives everyone an assignment to write a poem. Todd tries to write multiple poems but he ends up throwing all his attempts away, thinking they aren't good enough. Neil then enters the room excitedly, telling Todd he knows what he wants to do. He found out the school was putting on a production of A Midsummer Night's Dream and he wants to act in it. He says "for the first time in my whole life, I know what I want to do" and Todd brings up the issue of his father. How is he gonna do the play if his father doesn't approve. Because of this they get into an argument. Neil shouts at Todd before sitting on the windowsill and saying "can't I just enjoy the idea for a little while" proving that he knows his father would never approve and the chances of him ever even getting to do it are slim, bit he just wants to ignore the issue and try to be happy about this for a little.
He then asks Todd if he's going to the next meeting and Todd says he's not sure. Neil then tells Todd that he has to get out there and do something, he can't just hide forever. Todd tells Neil "I'm not like you, alright? You say things and people listen. I'm not like that" (no seriously where are the cameras)
Todd then tells Neil to butt out and that he can take care of himself, but Neil is like "nuh uh" so Todd goes "fym nuh uh?" So Neil smiles, steals Todd's book, and runs around the room with Todd chasing him, laughing. Neil reads it and says "this is poetry! I'm bring chased by Walt Whitman!" The specific decision here for Neil to say "Walt Whitman" instead of any other poet, any poet at all, feels intentional as Walt Whitman is famously a homosexual man. This is not on Neil btw, this is on the scriptwriters.
In this scene it's interesting to note how quickly they went from what seemed to be arguing to running around and laughing.
In a later scene we see Neil excited about getting the aprt he wanted in the play and he enters his dorm with Todd already in there to forge a letter in his father's name that says he's allowed to do the play. Todd is clearly happy for him, but is about to tell him it's not that good of an idea but Neil cuts him off with an excited like... uh... idk whatever that sound was.
In the next scene in Mr Keating's class, everyone is reading the poems he told them to write. He asks Todd to say his, but he says he didn't write a poem. Mr Keating is like "bitch you lyin" and tells him to come up with a poem on the spot. He covers Todd's eyes to try and free him of his fear of speaking in front of others and Todd comes up with a poem. The poem seems to impress Mr Keating, but more importantly, Neil. This scene doesn't focus on anyone else, doesn't show any reactions, only Neil's. The only focus when it comes to Todd's poem... is Neil.
Later on, while Neil is walking back to the dorms he sees Todd sitting alone one the floor. He walks up to him and asks what's going on to which Todd replies that today is his birthday. So Neil asks what he got and Todd says his parents got him a desk set. Neil is about to say "isn't this the same desk set you already have" but is cut off by Todd saying that it's the same desk set they got him last year.
Neil tries to lighten the situation by saying "maybe they thought you needed another one" and Todd says he doesn't think they were thinking about anything at all. Then he says "funny thing is, I didn't even like it the first time." Neil then immediately is like 'oh no we can't have that attitude' so he says to Todd, jokingly, that he's underestimating the value of a desk set. I mean, who would want a football or a baseball or a car when they could have this here desk set. I mean, if he were to buy a desk set twice, he would probably buy this one. Both times. He then says that the desk set looks a little aerodynamic. He says a quote anderperry shippers repeat endlessly, he says, "this desk set wants to fly." He passes it onto Todd, saying "the world's first unmanned flying desk set" as Todd throws the desk set qnd watches it fall to the ground (they're on the roof btw). They watch it break and Neil says "well, I wouldn't worry... you'll get another one next year" and they both laugh.
Todd starts this scene upset about how little his parents care about him, not even caring to get him a proper birthday present, and yet he ends it laughing with Neil about it. Neil specifically.
The day before the play Neil goes back to the dorms to find his father waiting for him. He tells Neil he found out about the play. He reprimand him for going behind his back and tells him he embarrassed him in front of other people, that he "made a liar out of him" and other such things. He tells Neil that he's going there tomorrow and telling them he's quitting the play, or else. Then he leaves Neil.
Neil later goes to Mr Keating and explains the situation to him. He tells Mr Keating that his heart is in acting, it's what he really wants to do, and his father doesn't approve. Mr Keating tells him to tell his father that and Neil says "I can't talk to my father like that" basically saying he can't be open and honest with him. Mr Keating says "well tell him anyway and if he says no you'll be out of school by then and you can do whatever you want." So Neil is like "Yeah okay I'll talk to him" SPOILER ALERT: he never does.
So it's the night of the play and everyone is there to watch. Knox. Charlie. Mr Keating. Pitts. Todd. Cameron. Meeks. A lot of people are there. And in this scene Todd has ckearly gotten his confidence up, joking with the rest of the guys casually. Neil does the play and we see Charlie tell Mr Keating "he's good, he's really good" and we see Todd looking totally heterosexually in awe. Like when Todd read his poem aloud and Neil was staring at him in awe. Neil here thinks his father isn't gonna be at the play so he can get through it without him ever finding out. But uh oh, who's that in the crowd? It's the whore! I mean-- his father!
So he drags Neil away and back home where he shouts at him saying that he's doing it all "for his own good" and that he should forget about acting. He says that since Neil is adamant on disobeying him, he's taking him out of Hellton and sending him to a military school. When Neil tries to stand up for himself and explain how he feels, the whore uses a manipulation technique I like to call: "tell me one time I did that" which is basically just a technique where when a victim tries to explain their point of view, instead of listening or even combating their claims, the manipulator tells the victim "tell me" in an angry tone of voice. The manipulator here isn't really saying "tell me what I did to hurt you" or "tell me what you feel" what they're saying is "justify your pain to me." This technique paralyzes the victim, not only because of the unexpected response, but also because deep down the victim knows what they say won't be heard. It'll only be used as another attack at them. Any word the victim was about to try and say dies on their tongue and every thought disappears. Here, Mr Perry isn't telling Neil to tell him how he feels, he's telling Neil to justify himself to him. Justify why he went behind his back to do this. And Neil can't. Because he knows what'll happen if he says the truth. His passion will never be enough justification for his father, because as far as his father is concerned, the only thing that matters is graduating med school and becoming a doctor. So Neil says nothing. As his father exits the room his mother tries to comfort him, she doesn't say anything though, and Neil says "I was good... I was really good."
Later on we see Neil taking off only his shirt and opening the windows of his room letting the snow in. He puts on the crown of his costume as he stares out the window. We then see him sneaking into his father's study and using a key to open a drawer... with a gun in it.
His father wakes up to the sound of a bang and goes into Neil's room to check on him only to find he's not there and his window is open with the crown of his costume left on the sill. He goes downstairs and sees the door to his study open so he enters. He smells smoke. Gunfire smoke. And it hits him. You see his eyes go wide as he checks behind his desk to find Neil. Dead. He shouts "No! My boy! My poor boy!" As if he has any right to.
Neil killed himself.
We cut to Todd sleeping. Charlie waking him up gently. Todd asks what's going on and Charlie tells him what happened. Neil's dead.
We cut to the outside in the snow. Todd walks out into the open, the rest of the group follows behind him, confused. Todd looks around the snow before saying "it's so beautiful" and then... he starts breaking down. He kneels down in the snow and starts crying. He says that Neil didn't do this, he would never do this, he would never leave us. His father did it, his father killed him, he made him do it. He gets up and starts running, shouting Neil's name. Here he specifically runs toward the dock. There's a deleted scene where Todd helps Neil memorize his lines on the dock. Todd running to the dock here is probably in reference to that scene. He's looking for him. And the scene ends.
At the end of the movie, Mr Keating is kicked out of the school because the whore, instead of admitting that he was a whore, blamed Mr Keating for "filling Neil's head with ideas" and all that bullshit. Cameron is quick to throw Mr Keating under the bus to save his own skin cause he's a dumbfuck ass-kisser and Charlie gets expelled after punching him for it. Everyone else is forced to comply and throw Mr Keating under the bus so they're not expelled too. As Mr Keating enters class in the middle of English with a substitute teacher just to collect some of his stuff, everyone goes silent. Just as he's about to leave, Todd is the one who stands up on his desk and says "O' Captain! My Captain!" This is the name of a poem by Walt Whitman. The first poem Mr Keating ever taught to the class. It's why, throughout the movie, everyone calls him "captain". Knox follows suit. Standing on his desk, saying "O' Captain! My Captain!" Then Pitts. More people stand up. The entire cast of known characters except for Cameron, who's a little bitch and stayed seated, Neil, who's dead and his desk lay empty, and Charlie, who's expelled. Even if he was fired, Mr Keating still left an impact on all these people. Everyone who stood up that day. Todd most of all. Going from being shy and barely able to say a word for the crippling fear of messing up of disappointing others to standing up on a desk in the middle of class.
And the movie ends.
Throughout the movie we see Neil help Todd get out of his shell more and more. We see Todd be supportive of Neil's dream of being an actor. We see them become close friends. We see them smile at each other with such profound affection in their eyes, we see them joke together at their lowest, we see them grow as people side by side. And it sucks that, when Neil needed someone else the most... his father took him away from his only support. His friends. And all that growth never continued. It sucks that Neil never got to see Todd take that bold move, stand up on that desk and say "O' Captain, My Captain" that Todd had to blame Mr Keating for an action Neil took because of his own father, that Charlie had to get expelled for standing up for Mr Keating even though he was right, that all of this happened in the first place.
But it did. And for a moment. Even if for just a moment. Everything was perfect. Neil was living out his dream of acting. Todd was more confident in himself. Charlie was... well, Charlie. Knox got together with his crush, Chris. Everyone was prouder, bolder, happier. They siezed the day. And though it may not have ended the way anyone wanted. At least it happened. They were all happy for a moment. Even if for just a moment. It's a bittersweet ending.
The movie was made in 1989 so even if Todd and Neil were intended to be gay, they definitely wouldn't have been allowed to do that, at least not without controversy. But if you ask me, I don't want that. The point of the movie isn't that Todd and Neil are in love. It's that, no matter what, you need to get up and sieze the day. If there's one thing the movie wants you to walk away with. It's to be bold. Carpe diem! Sieze the day! Whatever you want to call it. That's the point.
But yes, Neil and Todd were 100% intended to be coded as queer. Choices like Walt Whitman being the poet they mention throughout the film, a poet known for being gay, choices like focusing on Neil's reaction to Todd's poem, and Neil specifically, choices like that and scenes like that and things like that make it clear that the writer's intent is for them to be gay. It's queercoding. Anyway yeah, I had to relive Neil's death scene to write this essay, so you better appreciate it cause I fucking cried.
Bonus:
Girl- who tf stares at their best friend like this without being gay
Ah yes. A heterosexual staring lovingly at his best friend after he recites an impromptu poem during class:
Idk about you guys but I am not staring at my best friend like this so either they're gay... or they're gay.
Oh and something I totally forgot about.
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In this one deleted (I think if I remember correctly) scene everyone is like just out of the showers and Todd is actively looking down at the floor practically burning a hole into it until Neil akss him if he's coming to study group and Todd is like "oh uh uhm uh no i uh i have something to do" and then like checks Neil out as he walks away-
Uh, okay, gayboy.
Panicking in that moment is the single gayest thing he could've done. Brother... the closet is glass.
backflips
Double backflips
Update: cannot move in this dress. My friend is really sick and I have been trying to convince her to go to the doctor and she does not want to. But the party is wonderland themed and ig this is pretty fun so
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wonderland..
wonderlands..... x .....show...time..
Was dreaming's account suspended ? whats happening
yea idk what happened
sighs
I hope they'll be back
They're probably not suspended for that long.
hopefully yeah
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Miku please.
PLEASE MIKU EVEN ONE AKITO FES 4* I'LL BE SO HAPPY I'LL WORSHIP YOU FOR TWO MONTHS PLEADE I'LL EVEN FC MAGICAL CURE MIKU LOVE SHOT FOR IT PLEASEE
yall idk what to wear. I mean I'm probably gonna wear a dress but I don't even really wanna get up. Sigh 😞
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Me:"Okay, so I'd like an Akito 4*.."
Miku:"Right so which KAITO 4*?"
Me:"Uhm..no, an AKITO 4*"
Miku:"Riightt....so which Rin 4*?"
Me:"NO! An *AKITO 4 STAR*"
Miku:"YEAH?? WHICH SAKI 4*??"
Me:"AN AKITO 4*!!!"
Miku:"WHICH RUI 4* DO YOU WAAANT???"
Maybe one day.. I'll get my akito 4*... 🙏🏻😔
(Although I'm kot complaining about the rilliane card I love rilliane <3)Those gave no right to be that aesthetic
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Ikr...but have you SEEN akito 4*???
(My personal favourites)
MIKU PLEASE MIKU JUST OEN AKITO 4* I BEG OF YOU PLEASE MIKU PLEASEEE
this
pjsk chars are yummy i love them
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I lied when I said enough project sekai.
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Okay I think that's enough project sekai for the day.
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PROJECTSEKAIMOVIEPROJECTSEKAIMOVIEPROJECTSEKAIMOVIEPROJECTSEKAIMOVIEPROJECTSEKAIMOVIEPROJECTSEKAIMOVIEPROJECTSEKAIMOVIEPROJECTSEKAIMOVIEPROJECTSEKAIMOVIEPROJECTSEKAIMOVIEPROJECTSEKAIMOVIEPROJECYTSEKAIMOVIE
I AM TOTALLY CALM ABOUT THIS
DEFINITELY CALM
OF DBKAGHLSHDKSBDLENPROJECTSEKAIMOVIEONJANUARY17 TO H SKSHSKGRKSGSJSGJSGEHAHAHAHAHAHHSAAAAAAAAAAAAAA YIPPIYYIPPIYUPPYITISYISYIEHSJAYAYAYAYYAYAYAYAYAYAYYAYAYAYAYYAYAYAHAHHAYAHAHAYYAYAYAYAYYAYAYAYAYYAYAY
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Reminder to that one time I got a six trillion years fc on a school trip jn the bus when my mother allowed me to take her phone for the very first time and my class just watching me from the back like 👁️👄👁️
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Nah I'd cry.
Anyone else hear that omnious bell tolling?🤣🤣🤣no?? Just me??🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣Show post...
People saying "make real friends and youll start to feel better!"
Please shut up.
One of the main reasons I ever thought about kms was because I thought that even though I have such good freinds, I'm probably just..annoying them. I get overexcited, talk so loudly, loose their things constantly, forget important things they told me, and is unable to keep secrets in a group full of such amazing people and I just. I can't. I'd rather just be alone in my room playing videogames because being with real people I'm just a fucking disappointment to myself and them. I know I mostly think that my parents are shitty bit tbh I don't deserve them. I make everything about myself. I'm such a selfish little idiot I'm
I don't even know what to say anymore, but please ignore this. I don't want any of you to worry. I should probably keep the mood light because reading vent is probably annoying asf. I don't want to ruin yalls day. Sorry.
It's not about that. You need to talk to someone. If you have friends talk to them. Support is what gets you through things, not trying to isolate yourself.
You're not any less or more than anyone else. At the end if the day we're all just people trying our best. You're not annoying or selfish or anything else you said. Liking something isn't annoying. Talking a lot is only annoying to people who hate listening. People hurt you and you're not selfish for being upset about it. I know what I'm saying only sounds like stuff I made up to comfort you, but I'm not that kind of person. I don't lie about important stuff like this.
Your emotions aren't a burden and I mean it. Just talk to someone. That's the first step. Talk to someone. Anyone you trust irl who can actually help cause I can't help from behind a screen. Please.
Are you talking about what I said? Making real friends isn't the reason I felt better. It's part of it but that's not it. My situation changed. I felt better because things got better. In general. I was just talking about my own personal experience. It's different for everyone. You don't need to move, or make new feiends, or go to a new school like me for things to get better. You just need to try and make a change. A positive one. Even a small one. Things get better with positive changes. Just focus on the little things.
For example... you took out the trash. If you did nothing else that day. Nothing at all. At least you took out the trash. You went to school. Even if you did nothing else. At least you went to school. Even something that isn't necessarily productive. You finally watched that show or movie you've been wanting to watch. You wrote a little bit more of that story you were writing. You went on a walk. You brushed your hair. Anything positive no matter how big or small. If you did nothing else that day. At least you did that.
And most importantly talk to someone. I won't stop saying it until you do. Support is seriously the most important part of all of this.
You didn't ruin anyone's day, I promise.
The fact that you vented here is fine, seriously. /gen. It just means you feel safe and free talking here, and that's a good thing. But as Nightcrawler said, please talk to someone face-to-face. They'll be able to help, we won't.
Please take Nightcrawler's advice.