I shoukd really remember to take my more espresso less depresso pills. I keep forgetting until someone reminds me and they take a while to take effect so I have to take them early. Also I hate the stupid side effect of headaches. I get enough of those already I don't need more. Whatever, I need these pills before I have a mental breakdown anyway.
I guess I'm a trending topic at school now because I told this girl that I thought one of her friends were cute and she fucking told him and her whole lunch table and they even pointed me out. And the girl literally asked me to keep one of her secrets and the secret was literally that she was going to the movies with her ex.
Now the person who told me is making it seem like it's my fault that I wanted to find out who was talking abt me and why and I did mention names bcz Idgaf
Basically, this morning everyone went to the mall and I kinda didn't wanna go bit at the same time I did wanna go. I thought, well I might regret it if I don't go so I went. And it was OK ig at first. We went to this ice cream place and got mint chocolate chip ice cream. Then we went to thise store that mainly sells plushies and products like face masks or handbags or books and I got this fun thing like a cape hoodie thing... it might've been for babies but who gives a fuck. Then we went to this other place and I got a thing to write Korean in to help me learn some words. I think after this is where it kinda of started to... downhill. We went wherever blah blah uh... I wanted to go to this place to look at stuff cuz it was really cool and we met my sisters there whatever blah blah and we looked at the play station stuff and there was Gang Beasts there and Little Nightmares. I really wanted them and clearly I wasn't the only one. Instead they got funko pops, my sisters. Idk why... I felt kinda upset. They were funko pops I actually wanted btw, Black Clover funko pops which is so cool. This was when I started to feel back pain and hate walking so much without sitting down. We basically went broke cuz of the funky papas and so we looked at other stuff but didn't buy anything. Basically, since we need to eat, they concluded we return some stuff we bought blah blah whatever. Our other fried cam, right one of our friends was already there anyway our other friend came... we'll call her Sloth and the first friend is Bear. Anyway Bear brought her boyfriend, who is rude as shit. Ugh whatever whatever Then we got burgers from Wendy's and we mis-ordered a burger, my sister wanted beef and they said chicken so... she was gonna just not eat it. Instead, I gave her my burger and offered I take hers. We swapped and... I didn't want to eat that burger but I was hungry and I'm not gonna say "no I want my burger back, you can starve" so I just ate it and desperately missed my own burger. But what're you gonna do. I felt crap. The rest of the day was even more crap. My sister won't let me sleep on the couch even tho I want to, I don't know I just idk. It wasn't even that bad a day... I just... I don't know.
My life currently is that scene in the new episode of TOH with Willow where she's basically having a mental breakdown but trying to keep everything together and just going "I can do this I can do this I can do this" over and over.
Just forget it, this was stupid, I don't even know why I'm upset, it wasn't that bad.
A mf tried to fucking spit on me then missed and spat on my friend and he's been dick riding me so much bro he's gonna need a damn plan b. And he literally said he doesn't like me (only bcz I don't like him) yet he always gets in my convos and starts convos with me
I want to be honest with my therapist, I really do, but I don't wanna be like "Yeah, sometimes I get so angry and upset I feel like I want to stab myself or destroy things around me" then end up in a fckn psych ward.
And I was venting abt it to a semi-ex friend (he just started being different) and he said "what's so wrong with flirting with you", completely misunderstanding the point
I hate this. I hate school. I try so hard. I'm done trying. I just wanna stop. I just feel so out of place and lost and I feel so stupid.
"school is good for you"
"You need school to get a job"
"It's important"
"You'll be thankful when you're older"
I DONT CARE I JUST WANNA GET OUT JUST GET ME OUT OF HERE ITS ENOUGH IM DONE JUST GET ME OUT
I don't wanna do this anymore. I want it to end I just want all of this to end I don't have to wanna do this anymore why won't anyone listen to me "it's not that bad" "you're overreacting" "you're too young to know what you want" THEY NEVER LISTEN THEY JUST TALK TALK TALK AND ITS LIKE I DONT EXIST
I JUST WANNA DISAPPEAR JUST GO AWAY FROM EXISTENCE
I want so bad just to get away from it all but I've experienced what it's like to be on the receiving end of suicide and I don't think I'd ever forgive myself if I did that to everyone else. I wish I was just never born. I'd wake up one day and... nothing. I never existed in the first place. But that's impossible.
A couple months ago on my bday we went to an indoor Zipline thingy (like Jordan's furniture) and I told my dad that I didn't want to go and he said "cut it out" so while I was doing the thingy thing I couldn't breathe and I basically froze up and I was scared asf, so I got down and my dad saw me get down and he was like "you know you're being payed for right? Everyone here is having fun and you're just sitting down" and I told him that I fr couldn't breathe and he literally fucking said "just try" WHAT THE HELL-
My best friend is moving next year and I'm basically going to be all alone, I don't want her to forget abt me or anything, I just want her to stay with me and I thought this guy likes me but I don't think so and everyone has been on my fucking dick about the way I look and I don't want to take it anymore.
Try to keep contact with her but if you do actually end up drifting apart don't worry abt it too much. People change and they leave sometimes and there's nothing you can do but that's life and people change so you'll change too and you'll find someone new. Friends will come and go in school, that's just how it is, but it doesn't have to be a bad thing if you don't want it to be.
Just because some people don't appreciate or care about you, doesn't mean no one will. I don't even know you that well but I'm willing to give up my whole life to save yours. I don't care if you look like an alley cat that got into 20 different fights in the span of a day or like a dying blobfish, how someone else looks is none of my business. If I'm like this, someone else out there is too and you just need to find them. There's someone out there who will care about you other than me. You will find someone who cares about you enough but it'll never happen if you give up. You don't wnat to take it but you have to. Things won't get better if you don't try to make them better.
Also totally random question would you call yourself a competitive person?
I do realize I am painting my mom in a not very good light, but honestly she's just doing her best. She doesn't know any better, there's no "how to raise a child" lessons in school. Don't get me wrong, I am hurt by the way she treats me, but I love my mom, and I know she loves me, and that's enough for me.
My dad was never really there too much, he had work and all, he's a doctor. Busy saving lives yk. My dad is the best, he takes us to go places on weekends and he watches movies with us and spends as much time with us as he can. I'm not a huge fan of football but I'm trying to get into it for my dad especially since it's the world cup! Wow, can you believe it's already been 4 years since the last one? I can't.
I don't know what you're going through, I can't even begin to imagine it but whatever it is I assure you with everything in my soul that you don't have to do this. It won't make anything better.
Plenty of scuicide survivors have said they regretted it. That in that moment where they were dying they wished they hadn't done it. That they just wanted to touch safe ground again and be saved. They didn't want to die. Is that not proof enough that scuicide doesn't solve anything.
Life is short, but death is super long. Life is about suffering, and perceviering through it to come out the other side victorious. You are stronger than your pain. Sometimes it helps to look at your suffering from funny angles. Laugh at it a bit. It makes it a bit easier to fight. You're better than whatever life throws at you. I know you are.
I understand that right now you feel like its the right choice you have to do it you cant take it anymore you just want to get rid of it all but there are better ways to help yourself than this.
I'm not a professional, I don't know what to say to stop you or help you or anything ok. But you can't do this, please.
time to start venting bc if i dont ill probs go insane and i trust yall
ANYWAYS.
so today b4 i left for skl, (this was abt 15 hrs ago) i changed like i always do, and looked around for my phone, bc i didnt know the time. quite normal so far
I couldn't find it, so i thought maybe my brother hid it to piss me off. I ask him and he swears multiple times he doesn't have it, and even if he did, he doesn't know the password. I ask him where he thinks it is, and he says it was on the one-person couch with my dad.
I get worried bc my dad obviously doesn't know what the meaning of privacy of kids is, so i go to him and sit down, and i see him holding myphone. I wait for him to put down my phone but he doesn't. He looks up at me, opens up my instagram, then my messages, then a dm of a guy in my class. Mind you, me and that guy have never had a conversation face-to-face. EVER. Issue is, he swears a lot on text, but im used to it since its the same thing with my whole class. anyways
"What's between you and him to the point he swears at you?"
"There's nothing between us, wdym?"
"WHY DOES HE SWEAR AT YOU ?!"
"Dad, its normal, so does the whole class."
"This is a boy."
"And?"
"Why are you talking to a boy?"
"I've never had a conversation with him, and I told you, he's like this."
cue the lovely slap on my face and confusion on my face.
"WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO A BOY ??"
i just stare at him bc when my dad's angry, theres nothing i can really do
"ANSWER ME ."
Cue the other slap which makes me fall down and cry lol
"I'm taking your phone away."
"WAIT WHAT ?! WHY ? YOU COULD JUST BLOCK HIM I DON'T CARE ?"
"YOU'RE NOT TRUSTWORTHY."
I run to my mom and cry, my face full of tears, my glasses dirty
I tell her what happened, and when my dad comes in I just glare at him.
"The whole class swears, not only that boy, and there's nothing between your daughter and him."
"I'm still taking your phone away."
"SO YOU CAN CUT ME OFF CONTACT FROM EVERYONE I KNOW ?! HAVEN'T YOU DONE THIS FOR ALMOST A YEAR ALREADY ?! I CAN'T EVEN KEEP MY STUFF PRIVATE ANYMORE."
continuing this later bc i think he woke up lol haha
I tried to educate my friend abt BLM cuz I was just jokin around (I don't rlly remember what I said) but then he said ALM ( all lives matter) and I was like "oh um...nah..." And I started to educate and that bitch brought up his political views and proceeded to say black ppl were conservatives too as if that had anything to do with me teachimg him that alm is kind of dismissive and I actually thought he was one of the good ones
So, I just wanted to kind of say something because things have been really bad recently and idk, I guess I just wanted to talk to someone about it. My family is short on money. I’ve been trying my best to help, not that I could do much, I’m a 13 year old child, but I’ve tried to help with some stuff. And my mom said that we have to go to my school tomorrow to get my ID so I can enter when school starts, and to get that ID we need money which we don’t have. And I just, I don’t know. My idiot ass sisters don’t even care, they’re asking to travel to see some stupid concert for some stupid kpop group, LIKE YEAH DONT WORRY ABOUT IT WE CAN PAY HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS FROM THE MONEY WE DONT AHVE SO YOU CAN GO TO SOME DUMB CONCERT YOU DONT AHVE TO GO TO AND DOESNT EVEN MATTER ANYWAY ITS FINE ITS NOT LIKE WERE NOT BROKE OR ANYTHING
That’s like when my best friend had another friend and I was jealous because she acted like me and I thought she talked to her more than me, but when I started talking to her more, we got along really well and it turns out that I was jealous over nothing because she didn’t talk to one more than the other we just both happened to always talk to her at the same time- 💀
So uh idk talk to her. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer- no don’t do that she’s not your enemy. Just talk to her-
I feel like my art has been really good recently, and I think that’s because I’m under less stress and I guess I feel kinda less shit than usual, still feel like shit tho, but that’s not gonna last long cuz school’s starting soon and I’m gonna go back to hating myself to an unhealthy degree and idk what to do about it bcs it’s not like I can just not go to school. So I’m having a great day and totally not crying rn :)
Idk why' but I can't say "I love you" to my family..I say it but it's really hesitant and soft. I'm fuckin stupid and I wanna get a coffin bed and just sleep in it.
I want a coffin bed too- or at least like a cool bed. Anyway it’s perfectly normal. I mean, I never said I love you at all either until recently. The reason differs so I wouldn’t know why but if you can figure it out you can solve it.
Why the fuck do I always get punished for being a fucking human. I'm supposed to have emotions and I shouldn't feel the need to hide them from my mother but I have to.
(read this when you get the time bcz it's actually pretty long..)
(The longest I've ever made 🚶)
I like this person, I've liked them since the second grade, I left the school and still always thought abt them, I came back n we became fast friends low-key, I developed the old crush I had on them and I told my friends that I MIGHT like him. The next day I asked him to sit with us and he said 'yes' and of course my friend told him and I ofc defended myself while my other friend was denying it. He didn't respond he just looked around and y'know kept silent. (They did that with another person I liked.. I feel as if they ruined my very small chances) then like the next week the friend that was denying me saying I might like him was telling me that the other friend liked him while we were walking home, when I got upstairs I kinda started crying..(I have issues with sharing..idk what it's called..prob called "issues with sharing") the next day I told her that our friend told me that she liked him and she said "I told her not to tell you.." so I imidately said "is it because you knew I might like him?" But ofc in my head bcz she'd say "no" and I'd be mad. She'd flirt with him and stuff and I'd just sit there, me and him started getting kinda distant and then she texted him and told him she liked him. He rejected her and of course I comforted her and I surprisingly wasnt happy that he did. So one day we were making bracelets, I made one that was black and red (ik the colours don't matter but it does bcz all he wears is black and red so like-) and I said "imma give this to ____ bcz I don't have a lot of black and red.." and the next day I did (AND HE WORE IT FOR THE REST OF THE FUCKIN SCHOOL YEAR). And the day after I gave it to him the friend that told me that our other friend liked him said that she liked him (we're gonna call her..dog, not in an insulting way but bcz she has a dog) and I asked Dog if she told our other friend (bcz she was rejected by him and may or may not be over it) and she said she was gonna..SO ANYWAY SHE MADE A FUCKING ALL PURPLE BRACELET ANR GAVE IT TO HIM AS IF HE LIKES PURPLE BRO- and he threw it away.. during the end of the year I got his number and we started texting, I told my friend and she texted him using my phone (I told ya abt this ready) and it was rlly uneccary bcz she maybe could've asked for his number (but I do understand that she may not wanna seem weird) and yeah at one of our free days I was talking to him like the whole time and she would butt in and start flirting with him, telling him to lift his shirt, rubbing his arm, asking for hugs and trying to kiss him... I know it's kinda toxic that I am mad because I didn't explain myself but if I do she's still gonna do it and would probably tell him. And he sent me a photo of his new haircut and ofc his face was showing, I sent the photo to my friend (bcz his new haircut is a drastic change from his old one) and she was fawning over him and even saved the photo..I kinda have feelings for him but I know if I say something somebody's gonna get mad? If she ends up liking him I'm gonna force myself to stop liking him (I've done it before and I'll do it again) I just can't with this anymore, I shouldn't have "sharing issues" I should be able to live freely. I want to tell her my feelings but I can't I simply just can't. ( I don't even tell them my crushes anymore because they'd tell them or would tease me about it.. or call them ugly.)
Maybe it's not sharing issues maybe it's jealous I sounded stupid.
I'd just like to say that he prob liked me more than the two of them, I was actually nice to him, I wasn't awkward, I hyped them up when they talked to him. Idk bro I was having a moment and started crying heavy.
imma be honest, he probably likes you more than them and if they don’t appreciate the fact that you’re hyping them up putting your own possible feelings aside, then they’re low key assholes.
Someone told me to kms and I literally said "what if I was actually suicidal" and they said "I hope you are" and I was explaining some shit and they blocked me. They're such a fucking pussy.
So me and my mum were driving and we saw a car accident. Come to find out it was my sisters and my ccousin. I told my friend bcz my sister's in an ambulance. And all my friend said was "oh". Any time she says something bad that's happened to her Im always there but all she had to say was "oh" 😕
Uhm..I told my friend that I had a dream abt this guy and when we were in school I was talkin abt how I found him attractive and he had a nice personality but I didn't have a crush on him..
Today she told me that he said he ddreamt abt her and she keeps talking about it
I know that she might not think I'm jealous but I kept said "oh" in hopes that she stops talking abt it.
Shes playing with him rn and talking to him and saying she has a crush on him or whatever. That's all she does, plays with people's emotions. I feel really bad because her first bf in the school year actually liked her but she didn't even like him. I'm so tired of everyone liking her more and her always talking about it.
I literally told my dad u got a cut and he was literally walking off and wasn't saying anything like "I'll see if I can get you a bandaid" or trying to do anything. He only cares abt his stupid fireworks and I'm not even watching them bcz I have to take care of my dog bcz my sister is an idiot and left home because my mother asked her why she was mad. She didn't put the dog in consideration and I'm not super fazed that she left but I got a lot of responsibility put onto me and I barely even got to have a good summer.
ANYONE WANNA HEAR ABOUT MY TRASHY CHILDHOOD! NO? I DON'T CARE, HERE WE GO!
so I was basically the screw up of the family. I broke everything I touched and left a mess everywhere I went. I was "boyish" in my mother's words, and I was really really clumsy. Which my sisters took as an invitation. Everything that happened would be blamed on- you guessed it- your mom! It was all blamed on me because I was an easy target. It was so believable that I would make these mistakes. Eventually, mistakes were just what was expected of me. It's always Sprinkle's fault. Sprinkle did it. Even now I'm blamed for things I didn't do. And even now I blame myself for things I didn't do. Like your mom- I'm sorry I'll stop saying your mom. My defense mechanism is comedy. It comes with being the youngest. Funny haha to lighten the mood. Argument? Funny haha. Awkward silence? Funny haha. Said something too depressing? Funny haha. My childhood was absolute garbage. I grew up thinking I was the worst at everything. And that made me stop trying. And here I am with grades slipping through my fingers and no passion left for anything at all.
Apparently I don't use my brain because I told my mother that my friend and her mother were about to go to the movie and she told me to get in the house. I'm so sick of her. It wasn't my fault. And she was yelling at ME and now I don't get the see the movie I was dying to see for the past two weeks
My sister left..I'm so scared I've been trying not to cry a lot and I got into an argument with my friend for smth stupid..and they said "it didn't seem like we were arguing" and that they could give me space if they made me mad
I'm sick and tired of all of them. I just want to go back to time where I had 1 friend and we would just talk and I wasn't worried about my looks or body. I'm just mad and scared and I've been harming myself less but it's getting worse. I've been thinking about life and I don't know if I want to live it anymore.
please... I know you feel like shit right now and you wish you didn't have to feel that way anymore... but this isn't gonna stop it... it's not gonna fix anything... trust me it'll only make things a whole lot worse.
I’m not a professional so take what I say with a grain of salt and also please seek help from a real therapist because idk if this does more harm than good or what. But something that helps me when I think about that is to
just imagine the closest people to you. The ones who care the most about you. And how you would feel if they… left like that. I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy.
... so I got glasses recently. Along with my glasses came a special glasses cleaner from one of the companies that made the lens on my main glasses. So we recently traveled to some vacation place or whatever nd it was a disaster and all anyway we came back and my mom had my glasses cleaner. I didn't ask for it until now because I had another cheaper glasses cleaner and I'm lazy. So today I was talking with my mom and my sisters and I saw my glasses cleaner... or is it called a cloth... whatever, I saw it next to my mom so I asked for it and she gave me it but instantly said right after "hey that's mine." and I was like "what?" I kept telling her it wasn't hers it was mine and I know that for a fact because of the stains, but she kept on insisting it was hers, and I thought she was joking but she continued on about how it was her glasses cleaner and mine didn't look like that, mine looked different. She eventually told me to just get out of her room and I happily did with my sisters siding with her on the argument, I though at least one of my sisters would side with me because she saw me open the packet the glasses cloth was held in, she used that cloth and was amazed by the quality, she even asked for it a few times, but no, mom's always right apparently. Now I know, I KNOW it's my cleaner, but because of the years of doubt and insecurity that my mother has put on me, I'm starting to doubt myself. I keep checking the cloth, I keep wondering if my memories are failing me. I can't believe this. She's been gaslighting me since forever but this... it's just too far. She's not coming back from this. I can't wait to never have to see her face ever again.
Just had a great crying sesh...I almost threw up about 5 or 6 times... I'm not supposed to be on my phone right now but who cares? I feel like I make everything worse. When I was born my dad's birthday was practically forgotten, my sister's felt like the other choices and felt like I was the top priority, I always break things and I make people feel bad without even realizing. I just want to be happy...I want to feel safe..
Every time my father gets drunk he threatens to punch me..I know he's just messing around but every time he says it I get scared because what if he actually does it..I know he cares about me a lot..whenever I had a concert, dance, game, ect he was always there and my mother was always at work..I made my father my favourite and my mum thought it was a cute 'daddy's girl' thing..but soon I started disliking him, he started comparing me to my sister, saying homophobic things and keeping secrets.. of course I had one of my sister, I love her and she loves me too but she's leaving for college and holidays are gonna be so terrible without her and I'm scared and she can't protect me anymore..😕
I'm white and it's a problem. How is being white a problem? I'm "not supposed to be white."
I come from a generally black country, most of my family is black (not all, my mom as an example) and I was born white.
School was basically a nightmare. I was given nicknames like "ghost" or "vampire" and when people ask where I'm from and I tell them where they say "really? I thought you were from *insert place* because you're so white." or "what? But your skin is so light!"
These comments hurt me, they made me feel like I was wrong for being born the way I was, they made me feel like I didn't belong.
And when it really went too far was when I was playing an online game. I had made my character after me, so I made her white but I did give her rasta hair because I had always wanted it, it just never matched me, and when I had entered a game, a black girl walked up to me and said I was being offensive for wearing my hair in the game like that. She said I was disrespectful and I didn't deserve to wear her culture because I was white. I was heartbroken. I didn't know what to do so I left the game and cried.
I can no longer participate in my own culture because of my skin tone. I've been excluded from my own community because I look different.
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I shoukd really remember to take my more espresso less depresso pills. I keep forgetting until someone reminds me and they take a while to take effect so I have to take them early. Also I hate the stupid side effect of headaches. I get enough of those already I don't need more. Whatever, I need these pills before I have a mental breakdown anyway.
Hoorayy6 fuck me I hate my life
my friend just almost killed herself and... why does everyone around me want to die?
Did I do something? Am I just... cursed or... a bad person. Idk what to do
I guess I'm a trending topic at school now because I told this girl that I thought one of her friends were cute and she fucking told him and her whole lunch table and they even pointed me out. And the girl literally asked me to keep one of her secrets and the secret was literally that she was going to the movies with her ex.
That's a shitty thing of her to do. Not to curse out someone I don't know, but what a bitch.
and I just found out that my name has been brought into a 7th grade group chat
Now the person who told me is making it seem like it's my fault that I wanted to find out who was talking abt me and why and I did mention names bcz Idgaf
Is. It just me or do you know a lot of uh... not the greatest of people.
And the problem is I was just trying to find out who was talking about me not even trying to fight them
dude, I'm banned from the MGM comments lol
I hate myself. Idk, whatever.
Basically, this morning everyone went to the mall and I kinda didn't wanna go bit at the same time I did wanna go. I thought, well I might regret it if I don't go so I went. And it was OK ig at first. We went to this ice cream place and got mint chocolate chip ice cream. Then we went to thise store that mainly sells plushies and products like face masks or handbags or books and I got this fun thing like a cape hoodie thing... it might've been for babies but who gives a fuck. Then we went to this other place and I got a thing to write Korean in to help me learn some words. I think after this is where it kinda of started to... downhill. We went wherever blah blah uh... I wanted to go to this place to look at stuff cuz it was really cool and we met my sisters there whatever blah blah and we looked at the play station stuff and there was Gang Beasts there and Little Nightmares. I really wanted them and clearly I wasn't the only one. Instead they got funko pops, my sisters. Idk why... I felt kinda upset. They were funko pops I actually wanted btw, Black Clover funko pops which is so cool. This was when I started to feel back pain and hate walking so much without sitting down. We basically went broke cuz of the funky papas and so we looked at other stuff but didn't buy anything. Basically, since we need to eat, they concluded we return some stuff we bought blah blah whatever. Our other fried cam, right one of our friends was already there anyway our other friend came... we'll call her Sloth and the first friend is Bear. Anyway Bear brought her boyfriend, who is rude as shit. Ugh whatever whatever Then we got burgers from Wendy's and we mis-ordered a burger, my sister wanted beef and they said chicken so... she was gonna just not eat it. Instead, I gave her my burger and offered I take hers. We swapped and... I didn't want to eat that burger but I was hungry and I'm not gonna say "no I want my burger back, you can starve" so I just ate it and desperately missed my own burger. But what're you gonna do. I felt crap. The rest of the day was even more crap. My sister won't let me sleep on the couch even tho I want to, I don't know I just idk. It wasn't even that bad a day... I just... I don't know.
My life currently is that scene in the new episode of TOH with Willow where she's basically having a mental breakdown but trying to keep everything together and just going "I can do this I can do this I can do this" over and over.
Just forget it, this was stupid, I don't even know why I'm upset, it wasn't that bad.
Your feelings aren't irrational,just remember bro
I know. I just don't know. It wasn't supposed to be like this. I don't know. Whatever.
A mf tried to fucking spit on me then missed and spat on my friend and he's been dick riding me so much bro he's gonna need a damn plan b. And he literally said he doesn't like me (only bcz I don't like him) yet he always gets in my convos and starts convos with me
Bro, that's annoying as shit
I want to be honest with my therapist, I really do, but I don't wanna be like "Yeah, sometimes I get so angry and upset I feel like I want to stab myself or destroy things around me" then end up in a fckn psych ward.
I know how you feel bro, I say just tell online ppl bcz they cant send you away 💡
You are correct.
He liked me.. he actually liked me and we flirted with each other and he even told me to meet him in an empty gym..but now he has a gf 😟
And I was venting abt it to a semi-ex friend (he just started being different) and he said "what's so wrong with flirting with you", completely misunderstanding the point
I wouldn't know anything about this, so I'm not sure what to say, but... maybe it just wasn't meant to be. You'll find someone better.
I hate this. I hate school. I try so hard. I'm done trying. I just wanna stop. I just feel so out of place and lost and I feel so stupid.
"school is good for you"
"You need school to get a job"
"It's important"
"You'll be thankful when you're older"
I DONT CARE I JUST WANNA GET OUT JUST GET ME OUT OF HERE ITS ENOUGH IM DONE JUST GET ME OUT
I don't wanna do this anymore. I want it to end I just want all of this to end I don't have to wanna do this anymore why won't anyone listen to me "it's not that bad" "you're overreacting" "you're too young to know what you want" THEY NEVER LISTEN THEY JUST TALK TALK TALK AND ITS LIKE I DONT EXIST
I JUST WANNA DISAPPEAR JUST GO AWAY FROM EXISTENCE
I want so bad just to get away from it all but I've experienced what it's like to be on the receiving end of suicide and I don't think I'd ever forgive myself if I did that to everyone else. I wish I was just never born. I'd wake up one day and... nothing. I never existed in the first place. But that's impossible.
I don't even know anymore.
A couple months ago on my bday we went to an indoor Zipline thingy (like Jordan's furniture) and I told my dad that I didn't want to go and he said "cut it out" so while I was doing the thingy thing I couldn't breathe and I basically froze up and I was scared asf, so I got down and my dad saw me get down and he was like "you know you're being payed for right? Everyone here is having fun and you're just sitting down" and I told him that I fr couldn't breathe and he literally fucking said "just try" WHAT THE HELL-
"Just try"
ong, like dad wtf-
that's messed up.
My best friend is moving next year and I'm basically going to be all alone, I don't want her to forget abt me or anything, I just want her to stay with me and I thought this guy likes me but I don't think so and everyone has been on my fucking dick about the way I look and I don't want to take it anymore.
Try to keep contact with her but if you do actually end up drifting apart don't worry abt it too much. People change and they leave sometimes and there's nothing you can do but that's life and people change so you'll change too and you'll find someone new. Friends will come and go in school, that's just how it is, but it doesn't have to be a bad thing if you don't want it to be.
Just because some people don't appreciate or care about you, doesn't mean no one will. I don't even know you that well but I'm willing to give up my whole life to save yours. I don't care if you look like an alley cat that got into 20 different fights in the span of a day or like a dying blobfish, how someone else looks is none of my business. If I'm like this, someone else out there is too and you just need to find them. There's someone out there who will care about you other than me. You will find someone who cares about you enough but it'll never happen if you give up. You don't wnat to take it but you have to. Things won't get better if you don't try to make them better.
Also totally random question would you call yourself a competitive person?
ty, also it would depend on what I'm competing for I think
alr
I do realize I am painting my mom in a not very good light, but honestly she's just doing her best. She doesn't know any better, there's no "how to raise a child" lessons in school. Don't get me wrong, I am hurt by the way she treats me, but I love my mom, and I know she loves me, and that's enough for me.
My dad was never really there too much, he had work and all, he's a doctor. Busy saving lives yk. My dad is the best, he takes us to go places on weekends and he watches movies with us and spends as much time with us as he can. I'm not a huge fan of football but I'm trying to get into it for my dad especially since it's the world cup! Wow, can you believe it's already been 4 years since the last one? I can't.
she did it again ladies and gentlemen and all others! My mother really is world class.
She should just make it her professional job to make people feel even more shit than they already do.
After all, if you're good at something, never do it for free!
I've been thinking abt killing myself since 2019...I think that day is coming.
you can't
I don't know what you're going through, I can't even begin to imagine it but whatever it is I assure you with everything in my soul that you don't have to do this. It won't make anything better.
Plenty of scuicide survivors have said they regretted it. That in that moment where they were dying they wished they hadn't done it. That they just wanted to touch safe ground again and be saved. They didn't want to die. Is that not proof enough that scuicide doesn't solve anything.
Life is short, but death is super long. Life is about suffering, and perceviering through it to come out the other side victorious. You are stronger than your pain. Sometimes it helps to look at your suffering from funny angles. Laugh at it a bit. It makes it a bit easier to fight. You're better than whatever life throws at you. I know you are.
I understand that right now you feel like its the right choice you have to do it you cant take it anymore you just want to get rid of it all but there are better ways to help yourself than this.
I'm not a professional, I don't know what to say to stop you or help you or anything ok. But you can't do this, please.
I'm rlly trying not to, it's just rlly hard to find ppl who actually care, so thank you..so much
have you told anyone?
Yeah, they just thought I was joking or brushed it off
Tell them you're serious
My mom after invalidating my feelings or turning it into something religious everytime I open up to her:
wowies just found this
time to start venting bc if i dont ill probs go insane and i trust yall
ANYWAYS.
so today b4 i left for skl, (this was abt 15 hrs ago) i changed like i always do, and looked around for my phone, bc i didnt know the time. quite normal so far
I couldn't find it, so i thought maybe my brother hid it to piss me off. I ask him and he swears multiple times he doesn't have it, and even if he did, he doesn't know the password. I ask him where he thinks it is, and he says it was on the one-person couch with my dad.
I get worried bc my dad obviously doesn't know what the meaning of privacy of kids is, so i go to him and sit down, and i see him holding my phone. I wait for him to put down my phone but he doesn't. He looks up at me, opens up my instagram, then my messages, then a dm of a guy in my class. Mind you, me and that guy have never had a conversation face-to-face. EVER. Issue is, he swears a lot on text, but im used to it since its the same thing with my whole class. anyways
"What's between you and him to the point he swears at you?"
"There's nothing between us, wdym?"
"WHY DOES HE SWEAR AT YOU ?!"
"Dad, its normal, so does the whole class."
"This is a boy."
"And?"
"Why are you talking to a boy?"
"I've never had a conversation with him, and I told you, he's like this."
cue the lovely slap on my face and confusion on my face.
"WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO A BOY ??"
i just stare at him bc when my dad's angry, theres nothing i can really do
"ANSWER ME ."
Cue the other slap which makes me fall down and cry lol
"I'm taking your phone away."
"WAIT WHAT ?! WHY ? YOU COULD JUST BLOCK HIM I DON'T CARE ?"
"YOU'RE NOT TRUSTWORTHY."
I run to my mom and cry, my face full of tears, my glasses dirty
I tell her what happened, and when my dad comes in I just glare at him.
"The whole class swears, not only that boy, and there's nothing between your daughter and him."
"I'm still taking your phone away."
"SO YOU CAN CUT ME OFF CONTACT FROM EVERYONE I KNOW ?! HAVEN'T YOU DONE THIS FOR ALMOST A YEAR ALREADY ?! I CAN'T EVEN KEEP MY STUFF PRIVATE ANYMORE."
continuing this later bc i think he woke up lol haha
yikes, not to be rude but your dad sounds like he's not exactly the nicest person on the planet
It's alr, it's true
I'm so sorry u have to deal with that
Its ok dw abt it
ty tho
I tried to educate my friend abt BLM cuz I was just jokin around (I don't rlly remember what I said) but then he said ALM ( all lives matter) and I was like "oh um...nah..." And I started to educate and that bitch brought up his political views and proceeded to say black ppl were conservatives too as if that had anything to do with me teachimg him that alm is kind of dismissive and I actually thought he was one of the good ones
oh... people just never understand.
So, I just wanted to kind of say something because things have been really bad recently and idk, I guess I just wanted to talk to someone about it. My family is short on money. I’ve been trying my best to help, not that I could do much, I’m a 13 year old child, but I’ve tried to help with some stuff. And my mom said that we have to go to my school tomorrow to get my ID so I can enter when school starts, and to get that ID we need money which we don’t have. And I just, I don’t know. My idiot ass sisters don’t even care, they’re asking to travel to see some stupid concert for some stupid kpop group, LIKE YEAH DONT WORRY ABOUT IT WE CAN PAY HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS FROM THE MONEY WE DONT AHVE SO YOU CAN GO TO SOME DUMB CONCERT YOU DONT AHVE TO GO TO AND DOESNT EVEN MATTER ANYWAY ITS FINE ITS NOT LIKE WERE NOT BROKE OR ANYTHING
Idk what to do. Idk what to do anymore.
That’s like when my best friend had another friend and I was jealous because she acted like me and I thought she talked to her more than me, but when I started talking to her more, we got along really well and it turns out that I was jealous over nothing because she didn’t talk to one more than the other we just both happened to always talk to her at the same time- 💀
So uh idk talk to her. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer- no don’t do that she’s not your enemy. Just talk to her-
you ever wanted to talk to someone but couldn’t because you were afraid they hated you
I feel like my art has been really good recently, and I think that’s because I’m under less stress and I guess I feel kinda less shit than usual, still feel like shit tho, but that’s not gonna last long cuz school’s starting soon and I’m gonna go back to hating myself to an unhealthy degree and idk what to do about it bcs it’s not like I can just not go to school. So I’m having a great day and totally not crying rn :)
I hate it when you're venting to sw and you say that ur chubby and they say "no ur not, ur beautiful" LIKE SHUT THE FUCK UP PLEAAAAASSSEEEE
“no ur not, ur beautiful”
…the phrasing of that is wrong on so many levels as well
like, I never said I wasn't 🙅🏾♀️
No I was just saying. Anyway yeah, I get what you mean.
oh yeah ik-
I accidentally deleted your post while tryna reply 🤡
it's good
Idk why' but I can't say "I love you" to my family..I say it but it's really hesitant and soft. I'm fuckin stupid and I wanna get a coffin bed and just sleep in it.
I want a coffin bed too- or at least like a cool bed. Anyway it’s perfectly normal. I mean, I never said I love you at all either until recently. The reason differs so I wouldn’t know why but if you can figure it out you can solve it.
Why the fuck do I always get punished for being a fucking human. I'm supposed to have emotions and I shouldn't feel the need to hide them from my mother but I have to.
well that’s trash
(read this when you get the time bcz it's actually pretty long..)
(The longest I've ever made 🚶)
I like this person, I've liked them since the second grade, I left the school and still always thought abt them, I came back n we became fast friends low-key, I developed the old crush I had on them and I told my friends that I MIGHT like him. The next day I asked him to sit with us and he said 'yes' and of course my friend told him and I ofc defended myself while my other friend was denying it. He didn't respond he just looked around and y'know kept silent. (They did that with another person I liked.. I feel as if they ruined my very small chances) then like the next week the friend that was denying me saying I might like him was telling me that the other friend liked him while we were walking home, when I got upstairs I kinda started crying..(I have issues with sharing..idk what it's called..prob called "issues with sharing") the next day I told her that our friend told me that she liked him and she said "I told her not to tell you.." so I imidately said "is it because you knew I might like him?" But ofc in my head bcz she'd say "no" and I'd be mad. She'd flirt with him and stuff and I'd just sit there, me and him started getting kinda distant and then she texted him and told him she liked him. He rejected her and of course I comforted her and I surprisingly wasnt happy that he did. So one day we were making bracelets, I made one that was black and red (ik the colours don't matter but it does bcz all he wears is black and red so like-) and I said "imma give this to ____ bcz I don't have a lot of black and red.." and the next day I did (AND HE WORE IT FOR THE REST OF THE FUCKIN SCHOOL YEAR). And the day after I gave it to him the friend that told me that our other friend liked him said that she liked him (we're gonna call her..dog, not in an insulting way but bcz she has a dog) and I asked Dog if she told our other friend (bcz she was rejected by him and may or may not be over it) and she said she was gonna..SO ANYWAY SHE MADE A FUCKING ALL PURPLE BRACELET ANR GAVE IT TO HIM AS IF HE LIKES PURPLE BRO- and he threw it away.. during the end of the year I got his number and we started texting, I told my friend and she texted him using my phone (I told ya abt this ready) and it was rlly uneccary bcz she maybe could've asked for his number (but I do understand that she may not wanna seem weird) and yeah at one of our free days I was talking to him like the whole time and she would butt in and start flirting with him, telling him to lift his shirt, rubbing his arm, asking for hugs and trying to kiss him... I know it's kinda toxic that I am mad because I didn't explain myself but if I do she's still gonna do it and would probably tell him. And he sent me a photo of his new haircut and ofc his face was showing, I sent the photo to my friend (bcz his new haircut is a drastic change from his old one) and she was fawning over him and even saved the photo..I kinda have feelings for him but I know if I say something somebody's gonna get mad? If she ends up liking him I'm gonna force myself to stop liking him (I've done it before and I'll do it again) I just can't with this anymore, I shouldn't have "sharing issues" I should be able to live freely. I want to tell her my feelings but I can't I simply just can't. ( I don't even tell them my crushes anymore because they'd tell them or would tease me about it.. or call them ugly.)
Maybe it's not sharing issues maybe it's jealous I sounded stupid.
I'd just like to say that he prob liked me more than the two of them, I was actually nice to him, I wasn't awkward, I hyped them up when they talked to him. Idk bro I was having a moment and started crying heavy.
Not really sure what to say-
imma be honest, he probably likes you more than them and if they don’t appreciate the fact that you’re hyping them up putting your own possible feelings aside, then they’re low key assholes.
Someone told me to kms and I literally said "what if I was actually suicidal" and they said "I hope you are" and I was explaining some shit and they blocked me. They're such a fucking pussy.
I hope a truck runs them over 🥰
I was legit abt to tell them off and they hit that block button in case I say some shit that hits close to home
These types of people are just insecure cowards who are projecting their own problems onto other people because they’re stupid idiots.
Istg he's so annoying but I was nice to him bcz I made fun of him. N he was rude but then nice 🤷🏾♀️
If he talks to me next time I see him I might slap him (I may or may not have slapped him before)
So me and my mum were driving and we saw a car accident. Come to find out it was my sisters and my ccousin. I told my friend bcz my sister's in an ambulance. And all my friend said was "oh". Any time she says something bad that's happened to her Im always there but all she had to say was "oh" 😕
I can barely breathe, I'm kinda shaking and all she had to say was "oh"
I can't even go in the hospital to see her.
maybe she doesn’t know what to say?
That’s really bad. I hope ur ok.
I'm better, she's not super good with emotions so she sends me a funny video or tells me shes rlly sorry that happened to me, normally
and then I called her and she started asking me questions bur I told her that I couldn't go inside and she was laughing
Uhm..I told my friend that I had a dream abt this guy and when we were in school I was talkin abt how I found him attractive and he had a nice personality but I didn't have a crush on him..
Today she told me that he said he ddreamt abt her and she keeps talking about it
I know that she might not think I'm jealous but I kept said "oh" in hopes that she stops talking abt it.
Shes playing with him rn and talking to him and saying she has a crush on him or whatever. That's all she does, plays with people's emotions. I feel really bad because her first bf in the school year actually liked her but she didn't even like him. I'm so tired of everyone liking her more and her always talking about it.
One time I was rlly down abt it and tried to talk to one of my other friends and she made it about herself.
I keep telling you, you need better friends
if I dumped them my mum would definitely have s something to say..
why?
because the last time I tried to stop being friends with someone she took away my phone and said I was bullying..
I literally told my dad u got a cut and he was literally walking off and wasn't saying anything like "I'll see if I can get you a bandaid" or trying to do anything. He only cares abt his stupid fireworks and I'm not even watching them bcz I have to take care of my dog bcz my sister is an idiot and left home because my mother asked her why she was mad. She didn't put the dog in consideration and I'm not super fazed that she left but I got a lot of responsibility put onto me and I barely even got to have a good summer.
I'm legit crying on the steps of a house that idon't even mine, nobody here is gonna talk to me, none of them are my age
I want my sister back. I really do
My dad hasn't even come to check on me
I wanna leave this place.
There's really not much I can say here other than, that's really bad but... would a virtual hug help by any chance? 🤷♀️
I'm not very good at this.
Yea it would
Virtual hug 🫂
And if it’s not enough, have some frog, the pics aren’t loading for me, but I hope they are for you:
ANYONE WANNA HEAR ABOUT MY TRASHY CHILDHOOD! NO? I DON'T CARE, HERE WE GO!
so I was basically the screw up of the family. I broke everything I touched and left a mess everywhere I went. I was "boyish" in my mother's words, and I was really really clumsy. Which my sisters took as an invitation. Everything that happened would be blamed on- you guessed it- your mom! It was all blamed on me because I was an easy target. It was so believable that I would make these mistakes. Eventually, mistakes were just what was expected of me. It's always Sprinkle's fault. Sprinkle did it. Even now I'm blamed for things I didn't do. And even now I blame myself for things I didn't do. Like your mom- I'm sorry I'll stop saying your mom. My defense mechanism is comedy. It comes with being the youngest. Funny haha to lighten the mood. Argument? Funny haha. Awkward silence? Funny haha. Said something too depressing? Funny haha. My childhood was absolute garbage. I grew up thinking I was the worst at everything. And that made me stop trying. And here I am with grades slipping through my fingers and no passion left for anything at all.
I wish I could give you a hug, you really need one, or a high five if you're into that. I'm always here to listen
Thank you.
np
Apparently I don't use my brain because I told my mother that my friend and her mother were about to go to the movie and she told me to get in the house. I'm so sick of her. It wasn't my fault. And she was yelling at ME and now I don't get the see the movie I was dying to see for the past two weeks
Parents. The CEOs of taking their anger that has nothing to do with their children out on their children. For the dumbest reasons too.
Yikes. Your dad just gets shittier and shittier by the day.
you ever felt like such poop that you couldn’t sleep no matter how much u wanted to
it’s 12 pm and I haven’t slept since 11 am yesterday.
shut uop kid
SH mention
My sister left..I'm so scared I've been trying not to cry a lot and I got into an argument with my friend for smth stupid..and they said "it didn't seem like we were arguing" and that they could give me space if they made me mad
I'm sick and tired of all of them. I just want to go back to time where I had 1 friend and we would just talk and I wasn't worried about my looks or body. I'm just mad and scared and I've been harming myself less but it's getting worse. I've been thinking about life and I don't know if I want to live it anymore.
please... I know you feel like shit right now and you wish you didn't have to feel that way anymore... but this isn't gonna stop it... it's not gonna fix anything... trust me it'll only make things a whole lot worse.
I'm trying..I rlly am
I’m not a professional so take what I say with a grain of salt and also please seek help from a real therapist because idk if this does more harm than good or what. But something that helps me when I think about that is to
just imagine the closest people to you. The ones who care the most about you. And how you would feel if they… left like that. I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy.
... so I got glasses recently. Along with my glasses came a special glasses cleaner from one of the companies that made the lens on my main glasses. So we recently traveled to some vacation place or whatever nd it was a disaster and all anyway we came back and my mom had my glasses cleaner. I didn't ask for it until now because I had another cheaper glasses cleaner and I'm lazy. So today I was talking with my mom and my sisters and I saw my glasses cleaner... or is it called a cloth... whatever, I saw it next to my mom so I asked for it and she gave me it but instantly said right after "hey that's mine." and I was like "what?" I kept telling her it wasn't hers it was mine and I know that for a fact because of the stains, but she kept on insisting it was hers, and I thought she was joking but she continued on about how it was her glasses cleaner and mine didn't look like that, mine looked different. She eventually told me to just get out of her room and I happily did with my sisters siding with her on the argument, I though at least one of my sisters would side with me because she saw me open the packet the glasses cloth was held in, she used that cloth and was amazed by the quality, she even asked for it a few times, but no, mom's always right apparently. Now I know, I KNOW it's my cleaner, but because of the years of doubt and insecurity that my mother has put on me, I'm starting to doubt myself. I keep checking the cloth, I keep wondering if my memories are failing me. I can't believe this. She's been gaslighting me since forever but this... it's just too far. She's not coming back from this. I can't wait to never have to see her face ever again.
Just had a great crying sesh...I almost threw up about 5 or 6 times... I'm not supposed to be on my phone right now but who cares? I feel like I make everything worse. When I was born my dad's birthday was practically forgotten, my sister's felt like the other choices and felt like I was the top priority, I always break things and I make people feel bad without even realizing. I just want to be happy...I want to feel safe..
Every time my father gets drunk he threatens to punch me..I know he's just messing around but every time he says it I get scared because what if he actually does it..I know he cares about me a lot..whenever I had a concert, dance, game, ect he was always there and my mother was always at work..I made my father my favourite and my mum thought it was a cute 'daddy's girl' thing..but soon I started disliking him, he started comparing me to my sister, saying homophobic things and keeping secrets.. of course I had one of my sister, I love her and she loves me too but she's leaving for college and holidays are gonna be so terrible without her and I'm scared and she can't protect me anymore..😕
...that's really bad. I'm so sorry you have to deal with that.
It's not ur fault
still, no one deserves that
I'm white and it's a problem. How is being white a problem? I'm "not supposed to be white."
I come from a generally black country, most of my family is black (not all, my mom as an example) and I was born white.
School was basically a nightmare. I was given nicknames like "ghost" or "vampire" and when people ask where I'm from and I tell them where they say "really? I thought you were from *insert place* because you're so white." or "what? But your skin is so light!"
These comments hurt me, they made me feel like I was wrong for being born the way I was, they made me feel like I didn't belong.
And when it really went too far was when I was playing an online game. I had made my character after me, so I made her white but I did give her rasta hair because I had always wanted it, it just never matched me, and when I had entered a game, a black girl walked up to me and said I was being offensive for wearing my hair in the game like that. She said I was disrespectful and I didn't deserve to wear her culture because I was white. I was heartbroken. I didn't know what to do so I left the game and cried.
I can no longer participate in my own culture because of my skin tone. I've been excluded from my own community because I look different.
I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore.
thanks. Also nice Steve 'The Hair' Harrington pfp
Steve is the best mom LMAO