He doesn't like me and I hate myself for it, I feel so dumb and idiotic, I felt even more dumb when I realized I still liked him, I'm so stupid and I hate it.
my friends will make me feel that way, when we thought he had a gf one of them asked me if I still liked him and I said "yes" then she said "wow..after all that?! Jeez..."
My friend keeps telling people who I like and then the people would come up to me and say things like "you really like him?! He's so ugly" it just makes me rlly insecure and it's common sense to not tell people who your friend likes..and I want to talk to her about it but I'm just scared she'll think I'm mad at her
I genuinely hate my own mother. She’s so fckn manipulative and abusive. I’ve told her on multiple occasions what I think she should improve on to make our relationship better and she told me what I should improve on but here’s the issue. The things she told me were things that had nothing to do with our relationship but rather making me “perfect” and she said she would try to be better but so far she hasn’t done a single one of the things I asked her to improve on while she’s out here giving me crap about not doing what she asked. Like how hypocritical is that. Gosh if she weren’t my mother I would slap her across the face with the mighty power of goddamn zeus. How do I get into that thick skull of hers that the way she’s treating me is not okay.
You know… that moment when… you’re doing whatever and… in that moment you feel… everything is perfect. You want to stay forever. It’s 3 am and I should be asleep. I’ve been trying to sleep. Right now my sister has music open and I’m playing rain sounds. She’s fast asleep. I’m laying on my bed and just… existing. This is one of the inly times in my life where I feel… something. A real emotion. I know it sounds so… r/im14andthisisdeep but… I haven’t really felt in such a long time that… it’s kind of weird. Feeling things. Like a baby walking for the first time. The only thing is… I feel… melancholy. Sadness with no explanation. It’s the only emotion I can feel. It’s the only emotion I’ve ever felt when I did feel something. A deep dark fear of mine is that I’ll never be happy again. I can’t fall asleep because… I feel like if I fall asleep. I’ll miss this moment. This point in time where I feel like the world as stopped turning and everything is just… peaceful…
Wow I rally am crazy huh. Oh well. That’s life isn’t it.
I know you told me to tell the person to not ask me to rp if they're not gonna rp with me but idk I don't wanna seem mean or smth, but like it happened again and it's annoying-
I want to sleep forever but I want to stay awake. I want to sit and do nothing and everything too. When I look in the mirror I just want to smash it to pieces. I want it to show someone else. Someone better. Someone smarter. Someone with better virtues. Someone who’s not me. I don’t like me, but it feels no matter how hard I try to change. I’ll never be good enough. I know I’m not going to make it to Heaven I mean come on. I’ve done so many bad bad things, things I can’t take back. Even if I try to make up for it and fix everything it never works. I feel like a broken tape stuck on loop. Sometimes I just want to shrivel up into a corner and disappear. I don’t even know who I am anymore. I don’t why. Where did it all go wrong. How could I let this happen. I wish it would all just go away. I wish I could wake up one day and feel better, happier. Feel like H truly mean something like the world means something like a blind man seeing for the first time. Sometimes I wish I’m dreaming and all of this is in my head. I wish that when I wake up I’ll be a child again. My uncle and aunt would still be there and my grandparents would be fine and healthy. Everything would be perfect like it was before. But this is no dream. It’s a nightmare so real it actually is. I just want it to end. But I don’t want to end me. I wanna live on. I don’t want to die I just… want to be free. I feel like everything’s holding me back and as soon as I tell someone else they’ll hate me just like I hate myself. I feel like all I can do is just smile through the pain. Just be okay in other’s eyes. My problems are my own who am I to burden them with my weight when I know they have their own. I just want to be saved…
Bascially my friend went through this big thing where this kid was bullying her, she was cutting herself,this girl was bothering her bc she liked her bf (also the girl doesn't go to our school) and she never told me..then two days later after I found out about the situation, she tells me that she started cutting herself again, I broke down in tears, and I am rlly mad at myself for not telling her mother but her mother is pretty mean to her and idk what to do, and me and my mother aren't getting along, I feel like my crush will never like me, I barely see my dad anymore,and I always feel like dying.
damn that’s a lot. Ok let’s start with your friend. You should talk to her. Maybe try and help her to stop or try to make her feel better. Maybe if you can try to get rid if the bully if not then just help her through it. It’s not much but it helps. Your mom well that’s really tough it depends on how long you’ve been arguing. Your dad try to get in contact with him a bit more. Try and call him as much as possible. Your crush, wasn’t he flirting with you before? Whatever that’s just how love kinda works. It kinda feels like it’s eating you up from the inside but love is a bit difficult you just need to push through I literally don’t know what else to say. And yeah feeling like that is really tough and sometimes you just want to stop it yeah. But you just need to keep fighting. Cause if you die now… what would your whole life have been for. You really might regret dying when it’s all said and done. I wouldn’t wish something like that on my worst enemy. You just have to push through I guess.
Ok I’m trash at giving advice and I’m really not good with words so I hope you understand what I mean haha.
like shit. I feel sick but my mom doesn’t care cause I didn’t go to school last week cause covid and she thinks I need this week. My eyes are like fully red. I have pe today and I also happen to have a thing called arthritis. I also have an exam I most definitely did not study for at all.
ye. But I’m pretty good at understanding things quickly. Like in 7th grade I had been vomiting so I got to stay home and when I came back I had no idea what a moment was or what density means but by the first 10 mins I had figured out both.
Soooo I came out to my parents like a month ago but I never went into detail about what happened. My dad said he would kick me out if I wasn’t straight and all about how I’m a girl and will never be a real man.
well… look as soon as you can just move out or tell you what go to like an orphanage or smthn and hope they’re oh so nice as to take you in just It worries me that you’re living in such a terrible household and I just wish I vould come and just take you and bring you here to a loving family.
My dad has a whole double standard, he hates gay men for some reason as if they'd try to hit on him and if they do he could say RESPECTFULLY "I'm straight, sorry though." Or smth different! But then he hangs out with his friends who are lesbians and enjoys females kissing, and I'm big boy peeved bc what if I get a gf or start dating sm who isn't male? Am I gonna show up to my family dinner with a person who's not male and be like "hi guys, this is my FRIEND..." I'm just rlly angry,peeved and sad ab this (also I read what you said, you can always come to me if you need help with anything)
I feel like I’m helping everyone feel better but no one wants to help me. Maybe I’m just getting too good at hiding it. I want to say something to my mom but she wouldn’t understand. I don’t think anyone will. I just feel so empty. Just a ticking time bomb waiting for it all to end. Just waiting for the day when I close my eyes and never open them, when I’m all old and wrinkly. Never telling anyone. Never taking action. Just living an empty life. No goals. No wants. No feelings. I feel like a zombie. I just want to leave. Leave everything and sit down. Take a breather. Just be happy. But I feel so tired so uninterested. It feels like I’m putting on a mask every morning and changing it through the day to act like a normal human. To act like someone fine. I don’t even know who I am. I’m not even sure what I want. I don’t want to die I just wish it would all end. It’s too much. It’s been too long. I was only 5 when all this started. Just a little kid. I’m 16. It’s been too long. Just too much weight. It all feels numb. Sometimes I wish I could just feel at peace. At this point I don’t even know what peace is. It feels like a brand new concept. Like something I’ve never heard of before. When it gets bad I feel like I’m suffocating but still breathing. I just feel so… nothing. I want to go home but what is home anymore. I don’t even know where I am.
Hey I’m sorry, I’ve been dumping all my feelings on you without thinking how you feel. I understand how your feeling, sometimes family members aren’t as understanding as you hope. People say home is where your family is but in this case YOURE my family and I hope you feel the same way. You are like the sister i never had. It seems like you’re just feeling empty. When I feel empty I talk to you guys and I feel at peace knowing that here is a safe place to talk to your friends, and I’m hoping you can feel that peace on mgm too! I’m sorry if this is writen out badly, I’m not good at this kinda stuff.
I just want to say thank you, you have helped me through so many things and I want to help you. You are the best person I’ve ever met, you are my best friend. I love you (As a friend) no matter what. You are special, and you are intelligent. You saved a LIFE Queen, You saved MY life, not even cops can do that. You will get through this depressed spot in life no matter what, even if I have to help. I said all of this because it’s true Queen, I need you to be happy, ACTUALLY HAPPY for me and the rest of your friends. If you need to vent, please talk to me.
I just realized, how long you were voicing your pain in this chat…and I did nothing. I just read these post from 7 DAYS S AGO. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there like you were for me. I wish I could hug you right now.
ok I really have to get this off my chest. Natalia you probably don't even remember but a long time ago we did an are pee. I used a mha oc named Mizuki. Yes I know. It was probably awkward for you... but I DIDN'T KNOW THAT. So I just continued no questions asked. Ever since then I've been obsessing over how awkward it was. How cringe I was being. How I could've fixed it. How I probably made you so uncomfortable. So I refused to even look at Mizuki because of that. I actually really liked her as a character. I felt close to her. But I couldn't bare the thought of making you uncomfortable. It was so difficult to keep quiet. I tried again and again to forget how bad of a friend I was but I couldn't. I just can't keep it inside and not say anything anymore. I thought you would think I was weird, creepy or like a stalker or smthn. But it's too much weight to bare. So that's it. You can never talk to me again if you like. You can act like I don't exist. You can even block me. I deserve it.
Oh, Tbh- I had kinda fun doing the Mizuki RP cause im a person well- does anything cringe or weird stuff. I never thought it was cringe or weird, and no. Your an amazing friend. It wasn't awkward, Im a person that always did dumb stuff and still do that stuff. ..I mean it, I grew up in a veryyyy strange family. I really liked Mizuki- how she acted, how she looked. What would be the point to block you or not talk to you if the RP was fun. So im glad you got it off of your chest, cause now you get to see how I felt abt the rp!
Thank you. I'm glad you liked the rp. now I'm going to cry for two hours cause I overthink so much to the point where years of my life are affected by things that are only in my head and my whole life is probably a lie...
My aunt just said "what is wrong with you" and all I was doing was not being exact, sometimes I say nevermind when I can't form a sentence but she was asking for directions
THE GIRL BROKE UP WITH MY FRIEND AND SAID IT'S BC SHE LIKES THIS GUY! AND THEN MY FRIEND SAID "weren't you the one saying "how could you like men?" And then the girl said "well I meant the boys here" and then my friend looked at her weird and said "that's basically the same thing-"..BUT MORAL OF THE STORY, DON'T SAY THINGS LIKE "how can you like..." UNLESS THE THING IS RLLY BAD!
So basically there is this girl that is dating one of my friends (btw my friend wants to break up with the girl)
And I was talking to my friend about a crush I have and the girl was like "tbh, idk, how you can like men 😬" and I YELLED IN THE HALLWAY "Sorry I can't help it that I'm attracted to men" (and she knows that I'm openly pan)
BUT☝🏾 the girl is always downplaying mine and my friends emotions and whenever I talk about a crush the girl goes "he's probably ugly" and it really lowers my confidence so the next time she says that in gonna go off on her!
Look I know I said I would leave but… I kinda need to tell someone rn then I’ll be out the door never to return okay? Okay. So I was busy, getting my life together as I said I would. And I started thinking about some drawing ideas I really wanna do. For context I’m currently on vacation with a small portion of my family. No one my age there though. None of my friends either. Our favorite cafe got changed into a sushi place. The best place to go for pizza or a calzone had hired a new chef who had no idea what they were doing unlike the very professional old chef. Since there’s none of my friends I can’t go have fun or whatever because it’s more fun with someone else but everyone just wants to sit down and do jack sh1t. Now the best thing ever happened. I wake up at midnight and my underwear feels wet… “god fucking damn it.” I got my period. To add some ✨D E P R E S S E D✨ fondant on the cake of 💀B O R E D O M💀 iced with a big layer of 👽A N X I E T Y👽 here’s a fake convo and then thought process that actually happened for fuck’s sake 👹
“Do you remember when your grandma died.”
“Yes. I also remember my grandpa, my favorite uncle and my favorite aunt.”
“So every death that happened in your family since you were born correct?”
“Yes.”
“Can you explain them in detail?”
~short silence~
“…Yes.”
“Ok start with your grandma.”
“Well when I heard the news my mom was leaving because my grandma had died me and my sisters couldn’t keep it together at all. So we stayed together. I copied one of them thinking it could make me feel better… that plan backfired.”
“How so?”
“Well she ran into a room then ran out so I did too. Before I left the room I heard her talking about how I was annoying and how she… didn't like me.”
“Ok. I see and how did you react when your grandpa died?”
~silence~
“…I didn’t. I kinda… sat there. Same with my uncle. I just sat there feeling sorry for myself like some loser. I was heart broken of course but there was no actual reaction. When my aunt died I was just… angry.”
“Ok thank you that’s all.”
(Btw this all sounded like a tape recording in my head so ye and I was boutta go out with my sisters so they get up whisper a bit then walk out forgetting I exist. Here comes the thought process.)
Oh. I guess they forgot about me x4
I can still catch up with them if I go now and ask why they left. If they say I looked sad just roll your eyes at them. Whatever you do don’t mention anything.
(Insert me getting up and looking around)
What direction did they go? Doesn’t matter. i know their meeting place. There’s no one here they must have gone to do something… without me. I think my sister said she wanted a bagel earlier. Maybe they’re there.”
(Goes to bagel place)
Who am I kidding. They’re not coming. I should just go home. Don’t cry stop being a baby you're in public.
(Insert me going home laying on the bed and somehow not crying even though I really fricking wanted too.)
-and scene-
So there’s the context. And I’m thinking of drawing ideas so I can feel better.
not a vent but since it’s summer and the average temperature here is 50 degrees Celsius and my anxiety isn’t doing me any favors. I’m not feeling too hot. Well I am hot but I mean hot as in… you get what I mean. I feel like I’m gonna barf my whole lunch out and my messed up nerves keep coming back to haunt me giving me random pain at random moments. I have a headache and a crushing feeling in my chest. It’s kinda difficult to breathe but I’m okay. I know I don’t have covid cause my test came negative. I’m sweating grenades not bullets and I’m really itchy. I know I’m not sick cause this has happened before. I’m not sure how to explain it.
hello you reader! I haven’t actually done any venting here for a while! And this isn’t really a vent more of a “this happened” kind of situation. I was tasked with cleaning me and my sisters’ room and incase you didn’t know, that place is a dump. So I was looking through the stuff and I just started crying. No context I just sat kn the floor as tears started rolling down my face. Then my sister came in and here’s the part that really bothers me, I just stopped crying, rubbed my tears away and smiled… what the fuck. I mean I’d get it if I were younger and more naive but now… I went to therapy and I talked to people about my problems only to end up in the same place I was 2 years ago. I oh don’t get it. I just don’t understand why. I went through so much to be better only to end up worse. Isn’t that fucking great. What is wrong with me?
Nothing is wrong with you, its fine sometimes emotions will come in an overwhelming rate and that's fine! Queenie (can I call you queenie?) Sometimes therapy doesn't work. You might have just been overwhelmed at the time with the dump you where supposed to clean. Did you remember a sad memory or something?
I wasn’t overwhelmed in fact I was happy to clean the place. I just… I saw my old bracelet my sister bought for me. And then I saw a coaster J made with my other sister. And I think it was partly because I had “Night Changes” open and I guess I was kind of sad. I miss it back then. I never really noticed but I just wish I could change everything. Back then. My art was absolute trash. But I didn’t care and I loved it so much and now when I look at it all I see is mistakes and how it could be better. And I look at everyone else’s drawings and I think “why can’t my art be as good as that” and I wish I could change it to make me more confident in my art. Like I was before. And despite what most people think that being the youngest is so easy but it isn’t. I remember how back then me and my sisters were so close and we would always be together but after a while they became so uninterested and I was left alone while they were off with their friends or on their phones or doing literally anything else. It wasn’t as fun without them and being a highly impressionable child I thought they didn’t like me. I wish we could be closer again. Gosh this is long. I better leave everyone is getting worried cause I’m “acting weird” and I don’t want to make them worry too much. GOSH IM DOING IT AGAIN FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE CANT I JUST TELL THEM WHATS WRONG!
... why dont you try and talk with your sisters..? you could tell them that you miss what you guys did when you were kids. And for the drawings, thats just growing up i guess. You can keep them and look back on how you've grown in art, and everyone has their own art style as well.
I was walking to the chalkboard and my friend saw me and said "move move move move" and started writing on the chalk board and I went back to my seat, for a couple of minutes I couldn't really breathe and I just started crying.
I hate this. I hate all of this. I’m tired. And depressed. And I’m on my couch crying. And no one gives a shit. No one cares that I even left. It’s like I never existed. I’m done. I can’t take it. I try everyday to make others feel liked. But no one ever makes me feel liked. I feel like that’s all I am to everyone. Just an object. No feelings or emotions. Something no one could care less about. And I’ve had it. I never want to come back to mgm ever.
i think the reason that we dont reply when someone leaves or hasn't talked in a while is because we get that something might have happened so we respect their space- we dont mean in that way at all- it might annoy them
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He doesn't like me and I hate myself for it, I feel so dumb and idiotic, I felt even more dumb when I realized I still liked him, I'm so stupid and I hate it.
YOU'RE NOT STUPID FOR LIKING SOMEONE. You can't control it. You have to accept it That's the only way to move on.
my friends will make me feel that way, when we thought he had a gf one of them asked me if I still liked him and I said "yes" then she said "wow..after all that?! Jeez..."
Dam you friends the most toxic bunch I ever seen and I seen a lot.
My friend keeps telling people who I like and then the people would come up to me and say things like "you really like him?! He's so ugly" it just makes me rlly insecure and it's common sense to not tell people who your friend likes..and I want to talk to her about it but I'm just scared she'll think I'm mad at her
talk to her. I just wanna see smthng. Try to talk to her and tell me the outcome.
ok
I can talk to her tomorrow at school
ok
I forgot to update,sorry, anyway she said okay
Is that it? Just 'okay'
I genuinely hate my own mother. She’s so fckn manipulative and abusive. I’ve told her on multiple occasions what I think she should improve on to make our relationship better and she told me what I should improve on but here’s the issue. The things she told me were things that had nothing to do with our relationship but rather making me “perfect” and she said she would try to be better but so far she hasn’t done a single one of the things I asked her to improve on while she’s out here giving me crap about not doing what she asked. Like how hypocritical is that. Gosh if she weren’t my mother I would slap her across the face with the mighty power of goddamn zeus. How do I get into that thick skull of hers that the way she’s treating me is not okay.
Do you have any friends or adults that you trust that can help you out?
well yes but idk she feels a bit distant from me now. She's also really busy with college.
well maybe ask her if she has any free time if she could call you or text you or something
ok thanks
no problem
You know… that moment when… you’re doing whatever and… in that moment you feel… everything is perfect. You want to stay forever. It’s 3 am and I should be asleep. I’ve been trying to sleep. Right now my sister has music open and I’m playing rain sounds. She’s fast asleep. I’m laying on my bed and just… existing. This is one of the inly times in my life where I feel… something. A real emotion. I know it sounds so… r/im14andthisisdeep but… I haven’t really felt in such a long time that… it’s kind of weird. Feeling things. Like a baby walking for the first time. The only thing is… I feel… melancholy. Sadness with no explanation. It’s the only emotion I can feel. It’s the only emotion I’ve ever felt when I did feel something. A deep dark fear of mine is that I’ll never be happy again. I can’t fall asleep because… I feel like if I fall asleep. I’ll miss this moment. This point in time where I feel like the world as stopped turning and everything is just… peaceful…
Wow I rally am crazy huh. Oh well. That’s life isn’t it.
I know you told me to tell the person to not ask me to rp if they're not gonna rp with me but idk I don't wanna seem mean or smth, but like it happened again and it's annoying-
it's fine if you don't want to just try to say something about it.
but apparently they do that with other people
ROOD
I want to sleep forever but I want to stay awake. I want to sit and do nothing and everything too. When I look in the mirror I just want to smash it to pieces. I want it to show someone else. Someone better. Someone smarter. Someone with better virtues. Someone who’s not me. I don’t like me, but it feels no matter how hard I try to change. I’ll never be good enough. I know I’m not going to make it to Heaven I mean come on. I’ve done so many bad bad things, things I can’t take back. Even if I try to make up for it and fix everything it never works. I feel like a broken tape stuck on loop. Sometimes I just want to shrivel up into a corner and disappear. I don’t even know who I am anymore. I don’t why. Where did it all go wrong. How could I let this happen. I wish it would all just go away. I wish I could wake up one day and feel better, happier. Feel like H truly mean something like the world means something like a blind man seeing for the first time. Sometimes I wish I’m dreaming and all of this is in my head. I wish that when I wake up I’ll be a child again. My uncle and aunt would still be there and my grandparents would be fine and healthy. Everything would be perfect like it was before. But this is no dream. It’s a nightmare so real it actually is. I just want it to end. But I don’t want to end me. I wanna live on. I don’t want to die I just… want to be free. I feel like everything’s holding me back and as soon as I tell someone else they’ll hate me just like I hate myself. I feel like all I can do is just smile through the pain. Just be okay in other’s eyes. My problems are my own who am I to burden them with my weight when I know they have their own. I just want to be saved…
I'm always here if you wanna talk
I was like just about to delete this-
Tw harm (not sh but my friend is harming herself)
Bascially my friend went through this big thing where this kid was bullying her, she was cutting herself,this girl was bothering her bc she liked her bf (also the girl doesn't go to our school) and she never told me..then two days later after I found out about the situation, she tells me that she started cutting herself again, I broke down in tears, and I am rlly mad at myself for not telling her mother but her mother is pretty mean to her and idk what to do, and me and my mother aren't getting along, I feel like my crush will never like me, I barely see my dad anymore,and I always feel like dying.
damn that’s a lot. Ok let’s start with your friend. You should talk to her. Maybe try and help her to stop or try to make her feel better. Maybe if you can try to get rid if the bully if not then just help her through it. It’s not much but it helps. Your mom well that’s really tough it depends on how long you’ve been arguing. Your dad try to get in contact with him a bit more. Try and call him as much as possible. Your crush, wasn’t he flirting with you before? Whatever that’s just how love kinda works. It kinda feels like it’s eating you up from the inside but love is a bit difficult you just need to push through I literally don’t know what else to say. And yeah feeling like that is really tough and sometimes you just want to stop it yeah. But you just need to keep fighting. Cause if you die now… what would your whole life have been for. You really might regret dying when it’s all said and done. I wouldn’t wish something like that on my worst enemy. You just have to push through I guess.
Ok I’m trash at giving advice and I’m really not good with words so I hope you understand what I mean haha.
yeah I understand, thank you
Anytime!
I have a problem
My problem is that I have an amazing friend named QUEEN! But seriously how are you feeling Queeny?
like shit. I feel sick but my mom doesn’t care cause I didn’t go to school last week cause covid and she thinks I need this week. My eyes are like fully red. I have pe today and I also happen to have a thing called arthritis. I also have an exam I most definitely did not study for at all.
Oh, im sorry. I wish I could help. Why would your mom do that?
she thinks my grades are gonna slip-
Is it paper work?
ye. But I’m pretty good at understanding things quickly. Like in 7th grade I had been vomiting so I got to stay home and when I came back I had no idea what a moment was or what density means but by the first 10 mins I had figured out both.
Soooo I came out to my parents like a month ago but I never went into detail about what happened. My dad said he would kick me out if I wasn’t straight and all about how I’m a girl and will never be a real man.
how old are you?
I’m a minor.
well… look as soon as you can just move out or tell you what go to like an orphanage or smthn and hope they’re oh so nice as to take you in just It worries me that you’re living in such a terrible household and I just wish I vould come and just take you and bring you here to a loving family.
But I’ll miss my mom, kinda.
…try to keep in contact with her maybe? I don’t know I’m not good at this I never actually got a degree in psychology or giving advice.
My dad has a whole double standard, he hates gay men for some reason as if they'd try to hit on him and if they do he could say RESPECTFULLY "I'm straight, sorry though." Or smth different! But then he hangs out with his friends who are lesbians and enjoys females kissing, and I'm big boy peeved bc what if I get a gf or start dating sm who isn't male? Am I gonna show up to my family dinner with a person who's not male and be like "hi guys, this is my FRIEND..." I'm just rlly angry,peeved and sad ab this (also I read what you said, you can always come to me if you need help with anything)
Uhm that is just not cool. Like what logic... where is the logic in you dad's thinking????? (Also thanks :D)
like, I'm srsly ab to show up to dinners with a gf or another partner and be like "yeh, I'm dating them"
do it do it do it!
I feel like I’m helping everyone feel better but no one wants to help me. Maybe I’m just getting too good at hiding it. I want to say something to my mom but she wouldn’t understand. I don’t think anyone will. I just feel so empty. Just a ticking time bomb waiting for it all to end. Just waiting for the day when I close my eyes and never open them, when I’m all old and wrinkly. Never telling anyone. Never taking action. Just living an empty life. No goals. No wants. No feelings. I feel like a zombie. I just want to leave. Leave everything and sit down. Take a breather. Just be happy. But I feel so tired so uninterested. It feels like I’m putting on a mask every morning and changing it through the day to act like a normal human. To act like someone fine. I don’t even know who I am. I’m not even sure what I want. I don’t want to die I just wish it would all end. It’s too much. It’s been too long. I was only 5 when all this started. Just a little kid. I’m 16. It’s been too long. Just too much weight. It all feels numb. Sometimes I wish I could just feel at peace. At this point I don’t even know what peace is. It feels like a brand new concept. Like something I’ve never heard of before. When it gets bad I feel like I’m suffocating but still breathing. I just feel so… nothing. I want to go home but what is home anymore. I don’t even know where I am.
Hey I’m sorry, I’ve been dumping all my feelings on you without thinking how you feel. I understand how your feeling, sometimes family members aren’t as understanding as you hope. People say home is where your family is but in this case YOURE my family and I hope you feel the same way. You are like the sister i never had. It seems like you’re just feeling empty. When I feel empty I talk to you guys and I feel at peace knowing that here is a safe place to talk to your friends, and I’m hoping you can feel that peace on mgm too! I’m sorry if this is writen out badly, I’m not good at this kinda stuff.
it's fine. Yes you're my family to me too. Thank you. This really helped
:D
😊
I just want to say thank you, you have helped me through so many things and I want to help you. You are the best person I’ve ever met, you are my best friend. I love you (As a friend) no matter what. You are special, and you are intelligent. You saved a LIFE Queen, You saved MY life, not even cops can do that. You will get through this depressed spot in life no matter what, even if I have to help. I said all of this because it’s true Queen, I need you to be happy, ACTUALLY HAPPY for me and the rest of your friends. If you need to vent, please talk to me.
Thank you. A lot.
I just realized, how long you were voicing your pain in this chat…and I did nothing. I just read these post from 7 DAYS S AGO. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there like you were for me. I wish I could hug you right now.
It's fine. You didn't know.
and my mom is really not helping
i am crap
life is crap
this is crap
ahahhahahhahhahahaha I hate everything.
that moment when you realize you can't cry cause you don't feel sad you just feel nothing.
Just some vent art.
alr keep those healthy coping mechanisms and stay away from sharp objects
Okay. Thank you.
anytime
ok I really have to get this off my chest. Natalia you probably don't even remember but a long time ago we did an are pee. I used a mha oc named Mizuki. Yes I know. It was probably awkward for you... but I DIDN'T KNOW THAT. So I just continued no questions asked. Ever since then I've been obsessing over how awkward it was. How cringe I was being. How I could've fixed it. How I probably made you so uncomfortable. So I refused to even look at Mizuki because of that. I actually really liked her as a character. I felt close to her. But I couldn't bare the thought of making you uncomfortable. It was so difficult to keep quiet. I tried again and again to forget how bad of a friend I was but I couldn't. I just can't keep it inside and not say anything anymore. I thought you would think I was weird, creepy or like a stalker or smthn. But it's too much weight to bare. So that's it. You can never talk to me again if you like. You can act like I don't exist. You can even block me. I deserve it.
Oh, Tbh- I had kinda fun doing the Mizuki RP cause im a person well- does anything cringe or weird stuff. I never thought it was cringe or weird, and no. Your an amazing friend. It wasn't awkward, Im a person that always did dumb stuff and still do that stuff. ..I mean it, I grew up in a veryyyy strange family. I really liked Mizuki- how she acted, how she looked. What would be the point to block you or not talk to you if the RP was fun. So im glad you got it off of your chest, cause now you get to see how I felt abt the rp!
Thank you. I'm glad you liked the rp. now I'm going to cry for two hours cause I overthink so much to the point where years of my life are affected by things that are only in my head and my whole life is probably a lie...
Oh dont cry- :((((
It's fine
oty
My aunt just said "what is wrong with you" and all I was doing was not being exact, sometimes I say nevermind when I can't form a sentence but she was asking for directions
That must have been terrible.
THE GIRL BROKE UP WITH MY FRIEND AND SAID IT'S BC SHE LIKES THIS GUY! AND THEN MY FRIEND SAID "weren't you the one saying "how could you like men?" And then the girl said "well I meant the boys here" and then my friend looked at her weird and said "that's basically the same thing-"..BUT MORAL OF THE STORY, DON'T SAY THINGS LIKE "how can you like..." UNLESS THE THING IS RLLY BAD!
Honestly I would've just slapped her across the face by now. The suspention would be sooo worth it.
So basically there is this girl that is dating one of my friends (btw my friend wants to break up with the girl)
And I was talking to my friend about a crush I have and the girl was like "tbh, idk, how you can like men 😬" and I YELLED IN THE HALLWAY "Sorry I can't help it that I'm attracted to men" (and she knows that I'm openly pan)
BUT☝🏾 the girl is always downplaying mine and my friends emotions and whenever I talk about a crush the girl goes "he's probably ugly" and it really lowers my confidence so the next time she says that in gonna go off on her!
you beat her dumb ass!
I’m being cyber bullied. That’s all I’ll say for now.
I’m sorry. I was angry. Please excuse my behavior. I’ll try to be better in the future.
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck-
I’m in pain. No it’s not my period. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.
Look I know I said I would leave but… I kinda need to tell someone rn then I’ll be out the door never to return okay? Okay. So I was busy, getting my life together as I said I would. And I started thinking about some drawing ideas I really wanna do. For context I’m currently on vacation with a small portion of my family. No one my age there though. None of my friends either. Our favorite cafe got changed into a sushi place. The best place to go for pizza or a calzone had hired a new chef who had no idea what they were doing unlike the very professional old chef. Since there’s none of my friends I can’t go have fun or whatever because it’s more fun with someone else but everyone just wants to sit down and do jack sh1t. Now the best thing ever happened. I wake up at midnight and my underwear feels wet… “god fucking damn it.” I got my period. To add some ✨D E P R E S S E D✨ fondant on the cake of 💀B O R E D O M💀 iced with a big layer of 👽A N X I E T Y👽 here’s a fake convo and then thought process that actually happened for fuck’s sake 👹
“Do you remember when your grandma died.”
“Yes. I also remember my grandpa, my favorite uncle and my favorite aunt.”
“So every death that happened in your family since you were born correct?”
“Yes.”
“Can you explain them in detail?”
~short silence~
“…Yes.”
“Ok start with your grandma.”
“Well when I heard the news my mom was leaving because my grandma had died me and my sisters couldn’t keep it together at all. So we stayed together. I copied one of them thinking it could make me feel better… that plan backfired.”
“How so?”
“Well she ran into a room then ran out so I did too. Before I left the room I heard her talking about how I was annoying and how she… didn't like me.”
“Ok. I see and how did you react when your grandpa died?”
~silence~
“…I didn’t. I kinda… sat there. Same with my uncle. I just sat there feeling sorry for myself like some loser. I was heart broken of course but there was no actual reaction. When my aunt died I was just… angry.”
“Ok thank you that’s all.”
(Btw this all sounded like a tape recording in my head so ye and I was boutta go out with my sisters so they get up whisper a bit then walk out forgetting I exist. Here comes the thought process.)
Oh. I guess they forgot about me x4
I can still catch up with them if I go now and ask why they left. If they say I looked sad just roll your eyes at them. Whatever you do don’t mention anything.
(Insert me getting up and looking around)
What direction did they go? Doesn’t matter. i know their meeting place. There’s no one here they must have gone to do something… without me. I think my sister said she wanted a bagel earlier. Maybe they’re there.”
(Goes to bagel place)
Who am I kidding. They’re not coming. I should just go home. Don’t cry stop being a baby you're in public.
(Insert me going home laying on the bed and somehow not crying even though I really fricking wanted too.)
-and scene-
So there’s the context. And I’m thinking of drawing ideas so I can feel better.
not a vent but since it’s summer and the average temperature here is 50 degrees Celsius and my anxiety isn’t doing me any favors. I’m not feeling too hot. Well I am hot but I mean hot as in… you get what I mean. I feel like I’m gonna barf my whole lunch out and my messed up nerves keep coming back to haunt me giving me random pain at random moments. I have a headache and a crushing feeling in my chest. It’s kinda difficult to breathe but I’m okay. I know I don’t have covid cause my test came negative. I’m sweating grenades not bullets and I’m really itchy. I know I’m not sick cause this has happened before. I’m not sure how to explain it.
hello you reader! I haven’t actually done any venting here for a while! And this isn’t really a vent more of a “this happened” kind of situation. I was tasked with cleaning me and my sisters’ room and incase you didn’t know, that place is a dump. So I was looking through the stuff and I just started crying. No context I just sat kn the floor as tears started rolling down my face. Then my sister came in and here’s the part that really bothers me, I just stopped crying, rubbed my tears away and smiled… what the fuck. I mean I’d get it if I were younger and more naive but now… I went to therapy and I talked to people about my problems only to end up in the same place I was 2 years ago. I oh don’t get it. I just don’t understand why. I went through so much to be better only to end up worse. Isn’t that fucking great. What is wrong with me?
Nothing is wrong with you, its fine sometimes emotions will come in an overwhelming rate and that's fine! Queenie (can I call you queenie?) Sometimes therapy doesn't work. You might have just been overwhelmed at the time with the dump you where supposed to clean. Did you remember a sad memory or something?
I wasn’t overwhelmed in fact I was happy to clean the place. I just… I saw my old bracelet my sister bought for me. And then I saw a coaster J made with my other sister. And I think it was partly because I had “Night Changes” open and I guess I was kind of sad. I miss it back then. I never really noticed but I just wish I could change everything. Back then. My art was absolute trash. But I didn’t care and I loved it so much and now when I look at it all I see is mistakes and how it could be better. And I look at everyone else’s drawings and I think “why can’t my art be as good as that” and I wish I could change it to make me more confident in my art. Like I was before. And despite what most people think that being the youngest is so easy but it isn’t. I remember how back then me and my sisters were so close and we would always be together but after a while they became so uninterested and I was left alone while they were off with their friends or on their phones or doing literally anything else. It wasn’t as fun without them and being a highly impressionable child I thought they didn’t like me. I wish we could be closer again. Gosh this is long. I better leave everyone is getting worried cause I’m “acting weird” and I don’t want to make them worry too much. GOSH IM DOING IT AGAIN FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE CANT I JUST TELL THEM WHATS WRONG!
... why dont you try and talk with your sisters..? you could tell them that you miss what you guys did when you were kids. And for the drawings, thats just growing up i guess. You can keep them and look back on how you've grown in art, and everyone has their own art style as well.
please. They’d call me stupid.
ok- well- um- ummmm- idk what to say-
I was walking to the chalkboard and my friend saw me and said "move move move move" and started writing on the chalk board and I went back to my seat, for a couple of minutes I couldn't really breathe and I just started crying.
that's terrible! I know what happened but it's kind of difficult to explain.
This person on itch always says they wanna rp with me and then don't
tell them if they’re going to rp with they then actually do it instead of just leaving
alr ty
I hate this. I hate all of this. I’m tired. And depressed. And I’m on my couch crying. And no one gives a shit. No one cares that I even left. It’s like I never existed. I’m done. I can’t take it. I try everyday to make others feel liked. But no one ever makes me feel liked. I feel like that’s all I am to everyone. Just an object. No feelings or emotions. Something no one could care less about. And I’ve had it. I never want to come back to mgm ever.
I care about you and so do many other people, I didn't notice that you left, I do care about you though.
Thank you. So much.
i think the reason that we dont reply when someone leaves or hasn't talked in a while is because we get that something might have happened so we respect their space- we dont mean in that way at all- it might annoy them
it wasn't just me leaving. It was everything else as well.
im confused
the only time people talked to me was once in a blue moon.
oh well i just reply to random things if i have response to it-
I’ve poured out my heart and soul to help others but no one seems to want to help me.