OK I may or may not have failed a subject. This means that I need to re-take the exam. I'm not going to summer school because I didn't miserably fail but still, it was just below the mark. And while I'm already upset, my mom decides "why not make her feel fucking worse"
So she waltzes on over to me, and starts saying things like "it's your fault, you should've studied, you brought this on yourself" etc.
Like. Yeah thanks mom, I don't already feel bad or anything, no it's fine. No of course I'm giving you attitude just by expressing emotion, yeah that's how that works.
But to top it all off, add a nice thick layer of regret frosting on the badly baked cake of failure, she tops everything off by saying "I can say this stuff to you because I'm your mother."
...yes of course, logic states that since I came out of your vagina you now have the right to verbally abuse me. Thanks for the emotional invalidity mom. I sure wonder how I ever became depressed living under your wing.
well they won't control you when you move out. Parents shouldn't be abusing their power as parents like this. They don't own us, we're not property we're people.
I was just reminded of memories I wish I could forget.
Three times a friend of mine has almost died while I was there to watch. Two times of which were because of suicide.
The time-line is a bit messy, but the first time was some time in 6th grade. I was texting one of my school friends, she was like depressed, and we were on the group chat, me, her, our 3 other friends. And she just... left the group call suddenly, then started sending messages like "goodbye" and "I'm jumping out the window" and stuff like that. It ended up fine, we talked her out of it, but still. It was horrible. It was so bad. I was 10 or 11. I remember I was just thinking... "how could she do this to me... how could she leave me and just say goodbye like it wasn't a big deal." I just wished there was something I could say to her that would make her stop. I wondered if it was my fault, if I had done something. I was so confused. And upset. And angry. She was my closest friend at the time.
The next time was with Cabin. More than once. And it was the same feelings all over again. Confusion, anger and sadness. I couldn't tell which was which or what was happening. And every time they took time to reply I just kept wondering if they were gone, I was mad at myself for not saying something that made them stop. I couldn't bare it.
Now every time something happens, every time a friend says they did something or are going to do something, my mind immediately jumps to "they're gonna die" and it's horrible. I want to get rid of it. I want it to be over.
Now this was a few hours ago. With Crow. They passed out from hypoglycemia. It wasn't suicide but it still happened. And I asked if they were dead in one of my replies. So like... yeah.
And now I'm wondering if it's me. If it's my fault. Because people keep almost dying when I talk to them. Is there something wrong with me? Did I do something? Why does this keep happening?
I know it's not my fault. But I'm just so scared. I keep thinking it's gonna happen again. You wanna know how bad it is-
I missed replying to Auntie's vent by a few hours, just a few hours, no biggie, but as soon as I saw that she had vented and I missed it, my mind immediately jamp to conclusions. And Auntie ISN'T EVEN SUICIDAL!
I keep feeling like I have to help everyone so it doesn't happen again. I keep feeling like it's my responsibility to fix everything. And I don't wanna feel that anymore. But I don't wanna watch anyone hurt themselves again.
I just feel hopless. I can't even spell hopeless right. And my grades are slipping. And I can't focus. And I sleep in class. Even my eyes are bad. I'm just a stupid idiot who'll never get a job because she was never smart enough to graduate.
my life's like a flame, holding on for dear life. Every part of me aches, begging me to push through, but part of me cries, telling me it's hopeless. Even when I know it's wrong, I listen to that part of me. The one that wants to kill me. The one seeking to harm me. I only live because the cold embrace of death is far too uncomforting. Cold and lifeless.
What is one to do when joy becomes only a distant dream, a dream too far off from reality, a dream that is dead and buried with no hope of revival. The lack of joy leaves an empty hole in my heart, a hole I fill with things that could never matter. A hole I fill with regret and sorrow. But it never fills the hole. Just passes through it, as if crossing a bridge.
I breathe, walk and talk, yet somehow I feel not alive. It's as if nothing even matters. Like walking dead. Walking around aimlessly, eating everything in my path but never satisfied. What is satisfaction but a feeling of completion that comes just before emptiness. What are you to do now? You've completed your task. What is left for you after the war?
Nothing. Just a dizzy emptiness. Everything you've ever loved has left you alone, loneliness becomes your only friend.
Okay I vent every once in a blue moon and then instantly delete my vent if it’s too depressing because I have trouble talking about my problems! But imma try not to delete this.
Maybe I should talk about why I have trouble talking about my issues.
So my whole life, every time I tell someone that I’m sad or something, it’s always “don’t be sad. Other people have it far worse. You should be happy that you have a roof over your head, food and water and a loving family.” And that just makes me feel like “oh, so my emotions and feelings are wrong. They are invalid. I should not be feeling sad, I am a bad person for feeling sad.” And so I just… stopped talking. It’s like, the world’s smallest violin. Sure other people have it worse but that doesn’t make it hurt any less. It doesn’t make my feelings any less real or there. Eventually I just couldn’t find a way to be happy but being sad makes me a bad person so… nothing. I became depressed. Yay. I lost interest in… everything. I just didn’t care anymore.
And that’s the story of how I stopped talking about my problems and became depressed.
I want to vent about my family-like-my dad in general.
So, my father has never been in my life. And he doesn't care about me at all really. He cares more about his stupid little girlfriends than his own kids. He has even told us how he doesn't want to spend money on us and how he doesn't want to feed us, he's just forced to. I mean, how screwed up can you be to say that? It's your own kid's dude...and he didn't even want kids. He was forced by mom 'cause he wanted to just have her body. My mother on the other hand WANTED kids and is very glad she has me and my sister. But the thing that pisses me off-like really really REALLY pisses me off is that he has the audacity to tell me about my grades-and that's it's MY responsibility to keep 'em up. But the thing is he has NEVER been involved in my school life-NEVER. And he tells me: "Listen to me Nataly, I'm not taking you to summer school-you'll just have to leave *school name.*" And like-he's never told me: "Hey Nat, do you need help with school?" or "Nat, I can help if you're struggling with science-" or "Nat, I can help you with algebra if you'd like!" like-he has NEVER EVER EVER FUCKING NEVER OFFERED TO HELP IN MY SCHOOL LIFE.
NEVER.
And he made me, my sisters, and my mother's life difficult over the court. The only reason why he wants us to live with him is for the money. And he doesn't pay ANYTHING for child support-nor school uniform. NOTHING.
And he knows that I hate being called Nataly in general, I've even told my mother to call me Natalia instead of Nataly-I really do hate that name.
THE LAW IS SHIT, children shouldn’t be with parents who literally don’t care for their own child’s existence. But oh no, he’s not abusing you, so it’s fine whatever blah blah, NO! SHUT UP! That’s how you get a messed up child. That child’s gonna grow up and they’re gonna have trust issues and attachment problems, GIVE THEM TO A PARENT THAT ACTUALLY FUCKING CARES YOU DUMB SHIT
Alr I'm here AGAIN :). This chick doesn't take no for an answer and if she doesn't get what she wants she gets mad at sw- anyways I almost cried today bc I was being left out and I was trying to talk to my friend and she ignored me. So I left and sat with other people and I almost started crying TWICE so yeah hah.
I texted this boy about a week ago and I had a good time texting him and I thought he liked texting me too. We ended our convo and then the next day my friend used my phone to text him to ask him to play Fortnite with her and he didn't respond but I still texted him and told him that my friend was texting him not me. He hasn't texted me for a while and I thought he really liked me but I guess not ..idk... I'm conflicted between the fact that he could've gotten his phone taken away (bc he was saying some weird stuff and might've punched his TV) or just is ignoring me
something I learned in therapy, never diagnose intentions. Until further evidence just assume he got his phone taken away or just can’t text you rn. But if he’s really ghosting you in the end, he is not worth your time and energy.
So...My friend got mad at me because he got rejected.. basically in our science class he liked a girl, he told me that he was gonna tell her and I was like "cool.." so ig he got rejected and I asked him if he needed anything or wanted to talk about it but he was like "Let me forget about it;!" And he yelled it and it made me feel really bad..and on top of that my friend was over reacting over a boy that she doesn't even like doesn't like her and called her an op for hanging out with a guy that we all don't like..she started "crying" and I rlly can't tell if she was or not but- anyway she kept telling me what to tell him and yeah... AND my sister's moving to Louisiana soon and everyone keeps telling me to be happy for her and I am but she's basically the only person I can talk to with no filter (other than you). And yeah...
Yikes. You need better friends. And I get it, my sister is leaving for college soon and ik I should be happy for her but I'm actually gonna miss her since she was kind of my therapist, even if I act like I won't care that she's gone. It's just that, that's life. Nothing's gonna stay the same. I honestly don't know what to say bc I'm still working through this myself. I wish I could help more, I really do. I'm sorry.
my mom and my therapist agreed that maybe the reason I don’t feel fulfilled is that I didn’t do my work. I just finished all my work. More depressed than I ever was in my life. Why am I not surprised?
I just remembered a time I laughed through tears to make people think I was okay even though it was so obvious that I was crying..
Anyway I'm jealous..the most jealous person ever, my friends have their little friends and stuff but I literally have no new friends...theyre practically acquaintances or using me for snacks..and this really cute guy on my bus likes my friend and she doesn't really like him back and we found out that he's gonna ask her out...I've been trying to be supportive but I don't think I'm doing enough..I also feel like you're the only person I can vent to because every time I try to vent either nobodies listening or they turn it into their problem...
I’m not exactly a prophet who knows everything but the longer you stay in toxic relationships the harder it is when you end up getting hurt. The only way you can find out if they mean it or not is to tell them “hey that comment kinda hurt me” or “hey can you stop doing that.” But not the issue anyway. If you don’t have any friends I’m not the right person to ask. I’m not exactly a wizard at making friends.
And I bet you’re being plenty supportive. You’re a great person Auntie. But I feel like you could be keeping the whole planet alive and you’d still think you’re not doing enough. Everyone is an idiot for passing up a friendship like yours. They’re all just blind dummies to think you are only a snack dispenser.
Give me their name so I can beat them up for you./j
He doesn't like me and I hate myself for it, I feel so dumb and idiotic, I felt even more dumb when I realized I still liked him, I'm so stupid and I hate it.
my friends will make me feel that way, when we thought he had a gf one of them asked me if I still liked him and I said "yes" then she said "wow..after all that?! Jeez..."
My friend keeps telling people who I like and then the people would come up to me and say things like "you really like him?! He's so ugly" it just makes me rlly insecure and it's common sense to not tell people who your friend likes..and I want to talk to her about it but I'm just scared she'll think I'm mad at her
I genuinely hate my own mother. She’s so fckn manipulative and abusive. I’ve told her on multiple occasions what I think she should improve on to make our relationship better and she told me what I should improve on but here’s the issue. The things she told me were things that had nothing to do with our relationship but rather making me “perfect” and she said she would try to be better but so far she hasn’t done a single one of the things I asked her to improve on while she’s out here giving me crap about not doing what she asked. Like how hypocritical is that. Gosh if she weren’t my mother I would slap her across the face with the mighty power of goddamn zeus. How do I get into that thick skull of hers that the way she’s treating me is not okay.
You know… that moment when… you’re doing whatever and… in that moment you feel… everything is perfect. You want to stay forever. It’s 3 am and I should be asleep. I’ve been trying to sleep. Right now my sister has music open and I’m playing rain sounds. She’s fast asleep. I’m laying on my bed and just… existing. This is one of the inly times in my life where I feel… something. A real emotion. I know it sounds so… r/im14andthisisdeep but… I haven’t really felt in such a long time that… it’s kind of weird. Feeling things. Like a baby walking for the first time. The only thing is… I feel… melancholy. Sadness with no explanation. It’s the only emotion I can feel. It’s the only emotion I’ve ever felt when I did feel something. A deep dark fear of mine is that I’ll never be happy again. I can’t fall asleep because… I feel like if I fall asleep. I’ll miss this moment. This point in time where I feel like the world as stopped turning and everything is just… peaceful…
Wow I rally am crazy huh. Oh well. That’s life isn’t it.
I know you told me to tell the person to not ask me to rp if they're not gonna rp with me but idk I don't wanna seem mean or smth, but like it happened again and it's annoying-
I want to sleep forever but I want to stay awake. I want to sit and do nothing and everything too. When I look in the mirror I just want to smash it to pieces. I want it to show someone else. Someone better. Someone smarter. Someone with better virtues. Someone who’s not me. I don’t like me, but it feels no matter how hard I try to change. I’ll never be good enough. I know I’m not going to make it to Heaven I mean come on. I’ve done so many bad bad things, things I can’t take back. Even if I try to make up for it and fix everything it never works. I feel like a broken tape stuck on loop. Sometimes I just want to shrivel up into a corner and disappear. I don’t even know who I am anymore. I don’t why. Where did it all go wrong. How could I let this happen. I wish it would all just go away. I wish I could wake up one day and feel better, happier. Feel like H truly mean something like the world means something like a blind man seeing for the first time. Sometimes I wish I’m dreaming and all of this is in my head. I wish that when I wake up I’ll be a child again. My uncle and aunt would still be there and my grandparents would be fine and healthy. Everything would be perfect like it was before. But this is no dream. It’s a nightmare so real it actually is. I just want it to end. But I don’t want to end me. I wanna live on. I don’t want to die I just… want to be free. I feel like everything’s holding me back and as soon as I tell someone else they’ll hate me just like I hate myself. I feel like all I can do is just smile through the pain. Just be okay in other’s eyes. My problems are my own who am I to burden them with my weight when I know they have their own. I just want to be saved…
Bascially my friend went through this big thing where this kid was bullying her, she was cutting herself,this girl was bothering her bc she liked her bf (also the girl doesn't go to our school) and she never told me..then two days later after I found out about the situation, she tells me that she started cutting herself again, I broke down in tears, and I am rlly mad at myself for not telling her mother but her mother is pretty mean to her and idk what to do, and me and my mother aren't getting along, I feel like my crush will never like me, I barely see my dad anymore,and I always feel like dying.
damn that’s a lot. Ok let’s start with your friend. You should talk to her. Maybe try and help her to stop or try to make her feel better. Maybe if you can try to get rid if the bully if not then just help her through it. It’s not much but it helps. Your mom well that’s really tough it depends on how long you’ve been arguing. Your dad try to get in contact with him a bit more. Try and call him as much as possible. Your crush, wasn’t he flirting with you before? Whatever that’s just how love kinda works. It kinda feels like it’s eating you up from the inside but love is a bit difficult you just need to push through I literally don’t know what else to say. And yeah feeling like that is really tough and sometimes you just want to stop it yeah. But you just need to keep fighting. Cause if you die now… what would your whole life have been for. You really might regret dying when it’s all said and done. I wouldn’t wish something like that on my worst enemy. You just have to push through I guess.
Ok I’m trash at giving advice and I’m really not good with words so I hope you understand what I mean haha.
like shit. I feel sick but my mom doesn’t care cause I didn’t go to school last week cause covid and she thinks I need this week. My eyes are like fully red. I have pe today and I also happen to have a thing called arthritis. I also have an exam I most definitely did not study for at all.
ye. But I’m pretty good at understanding things quickly. Like in 7th grade I had been vomiting so I got to stay home and when I came back I had no idea what a moment was or what density means but by the first 10 mins I had figured out both.
Soooo I came out to my parents like a month ago but I never went into detail about what happened. My dad said he would kick me out if I wasn’t straight and all about how I’m a girl and will never be a real man.
well… look as soon as you can just move out or tell you what go to like an orphanage or smthn and hope they’re oh so nice as to take you in just It worries me that you’re living in such a terrible household and I just wish I vould come and just take you and bring you here to a loving family.
My dad has a whole double standard, he hates gay men for some reason as if they'd try to hit on him and if they do he could say RESPECTFULLY "I'm straight, sorry though." Or smth different! But then he hangs out with his friends who are lesbians and enjoys females kissing, and I'm big boy peeved bc what if I get a gf or start dating sm who isn't male? Am I gonna show up to my family dinner with a person who's not male and be like "hi guys, this is my FRIEND..." I'm just rlly angry,peeved and sad ab this (also I read what you said, you can always come to me if you need help with anything)
I feel like I’m helping everyone feel better but no one wants to help me. Maybe I’m just getting too good at hiding it. I want to say something to my mom but she wouldn’t understand. I don’t think anyone will. I just feel so empty. Just a ticking time bomb waiting for it all to end. Just waiting for the day when I close my eyes and never open them, when I’m all old and wrinkly. Never telling anyone. Never taking action. Just living an empty life. No goals. No wants. No feelings. I feel like a zombie. I just want to leave. Leave everything and sit down. Take a breather. Just be happy. But I feel so tired so uninterested. It feels like I’m putting on a mask every morning and changing it through the day to act like a normal human. To act like someone fine. I don’t even know who I am. I’m not even sure what I want. I don’t want to die I just wish it would all end. It’s too much. It’s been too long. I was only 5 when all this started. Just a little kid. I’m 16. It’s been too long. Just too much weight. It all feels numb. Sometimes I wish I could just feel at peace. At this point I don’t even know what peace is. It feels like a brand new concept. Like something I’ve never heard of before. When it gets bad I feel like I’m suffocating but still breathing. I just feel so… nothing. I want to go home but what is home anymore. I don’t even know where I am.
Hey I’m sorry, I’ve been dumping all my feelings on you without thinking how you feel. I understand how your feeling, sometimes family members aren’t as understanding as you hope. People say home is where your family is but in this case YOURE my family and I hope you feel the same way. You are like the sister i never had. It seems like you’re just feeling empty. When I feel empty I talk to you guys and I feel at peace knowing that here is a safe place to talk to your friends, and I’m hoping you can feel that peace on mgm too! I’m sorry if this is writen out badly, I’m not good at this kinda stuff.
I just want to say thank you, you have helped me through so many things and I want to help you. You are the best person I’ve ever met, you are my best friend. I love you (As a friend) no matter what. You are special, and you are intelligent. You saved a LIFE Queen, You saved MY life, not even cops can do that. You will get through this depressed spot in life no matter what, even if I have to help. I said all of this because it’s true Queen, I need you to be happy, ACTUALLY HAPPY for me and the rest of your friends. If you need to vent, please talk to me.
I just realized, how long you were voicing your pain in this chat…and I did nothing. I just read these post from 7 DAYS S AGO. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there like you were for me. I wish I could hug you right now.
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ok upon further inspection, I am not over reacting about my mother. She's the root of my insecurities, I didn't actually create them in my own head.
"Why do I even bother with you?"
"She's so smart, she's just too lazy to try."
"Name one time I ever said anything mean."
"I'm sad, I feel like you don't love me, all I've ever done was love you."
"I didn't mean any of that, it's just jokes."
"How could you do that? You embarrassed us!"
"You're so dramatic, it's not a big deal."
"Why are you like this?"
"I'm your mother, I have a right to..."
"You know *other person accomplished this and that* at your age."
"If you tried harder, you could've done so much better."
"My parents did *this and that* so you can't complain."
"I don't have time for you right now!"
"Why didn't you get an A?"
"You need to try harder!"
"Because I said so!"
"what are people going to say?"
"what does that say about me as a parent?"
"I'm leaving and NEVER coming back!" (yes she said it, I'm not exaggerating)
"You never appreciate me."
"HOW COULD YOU DO THIS!?"
It's never said but it's heavily implied that it's her way or the highway.
OK I may or may not have failed a subject. This means that I need to re-take the exam. I'm not going to summer school because I didn't miserably fail but still, it was just below the mark. And while I'm already upset, my mom decides "why not make her feel fucking worse"
So she waltzes on over to me, and starts saying things like "it's your fault, you should've studied, you brought this on yourself" etc.
Like. Yeah thanks mom, I don't already feel bad or anything, no it's fine. No of course I'm giving you attitude just by expressing emotion, yeah that's how that works.
But to top it all off, add a nice thick layer of regret frosting on the badly baked cake of failure, she tops everything off by saying "I can say this stuff to you because I'm your mother."
...yes of course, logic states that since I came out of your vagina you now have the right to verbally abuse me. Thanks for the emotional invalidity mom. I sure wonder how I ever became depressed living under your wing.
uh... yikes. You don't have to do what they want. They don't control you.
well they won't control you when you move out. Parents shouldn't be abusing their power as parents like this. They don't own us, we're not property we're people.
yikes 2.
It's your life not theirs. You should be living for you not for other people.
I was just reminded of memories I wish I could forget.
Three times a friend of mine has almost died while I was there to watch. Two times of which were because of suicide.
The time-line is a bit messy, but the first time was some time in 6th grade. I was texting one of my school friends, she was like depressed, and we were on the group chat, me, her, our 3 other friends. And she just... left the group call suddenly, then started sending messages like "goodbye" and "I'm jumping out the window" and stuff like that. It ended up fine, we talked her out of it, but still. It was horrible. It was so bad. I was 10 or 11. I remember I was just thinking... "how could she do this to me... how could she leave me and just say goodbye like it wasn't a big deal." I just wished there was something I could say to her that would make her stop. I wondered if it was my fault, if I had done something. I was so confused. And upset. And angry. She was my closest friend at the time.
The next time was with Cabin. More than once. And it was the same feelings all over again. Confusion, anger and sadness. I couldn't tell which was which or what was happening. And every time they took time to reply I just kept wondering if they were gone, I was mad at myself for not saying something that made them stop. I couldn't bare it.
Now every time something happens, every time a friend says they did something or are going to do something, my mind immediately jumps to "they're gonna die" and it's horrible. I want to get rid of it. I want it to be over.
Now this was a few hours ago. With Crow. They passed out from hypoglycemia. It wasn't suicide but it still happened. And I asked if they were dead in one of my replies. So like... yeah.
And now I'm wondering if it's me. If it's my fault. Because people keep almost dying when I talk to them. Is there something wrong with me? Did I do something? Why does this keep happening?
I know it's not my fault. But I'm just so scared. I keep thinking it's gonna happen again. You wanna know how bad it is-
I missed replying to Auntie's vent by a few hours, just a few hours, no biggie, but as soon as I saw that she had vented and I missed it, my mind immediately jamp to conclusions. And Auntie ISN'T EVEN SUICIDAL!
I keep feeling like I have to help everyone so it doesn't happen again. I keep feeling like it's my responsibility to fix everything. And I don't wanna feel that anymore. But I don't wanna watch anyone hurt themselves again.
I just feel hopless. I can't even spell hopeless right. And my grades are slipping. And I can't focus. And I sleep in class. Even my eyes are bad. I'm just a stupid idiot who'll never get a job because she was never smart enough to graduate.
Maybe I feel like I need to fix everyone else because I can't fix myself.
thanks anyway. It was nice to talk to someone. Usually I wouldn’t get a reply on my vents.
I feel like a literal fucking monster
my life's like a flame, holding on for dear life. Every part of me aches, begging me to push through, but part of me cries, telling me it's hopeless. Even when I know it's wrong, I listen to that part of me. The one that wants to kill me. The one seeking to harm me. I only live because the cold embrace of death is far too uncomforting. Cold and lifeless.
What is one to do when joy becomes only a distant dream, a dream too far off from reality, a dream that is dead and buried with no hope of revival. The lack of joy leaves an empty hole in my heart, a hole I fill with things that could never matter. A hole I fill with regret and sorrow. But it never fills the hole. Just passes through it, as if crossing a bridge.
I breathe, walk and talk, yet somehow I feel not alive. It's as if nothing even matters. Like walking dead. Walking around aimlessly, eating everything in my path but never satisfied. What is satisfaction but a feeling of completion that comes just before emptiness. What are you to do now? You've completed your task. What is left for you after the war?
Nothing. Just a dizzy emptiness. Everything you've ever loved has left you alone, loneliness becomes your only friend.
why am I even here?
I’ve been kicked out of my own room. My sister’s got her exams, I’ve got mine too next week.
I mean I get it my sister needs to study right. Can’t have me bothering her. But why does it feel so bad?
Okay I vent every once in a blue moon and then instantly delete my vent if it’s too depressing because I have trouble talking about my problems! But imma try not to delete this.
Maybe I should talk about why I have trouble talking about my issues.
So my whole life, every time I tell someone that I’m sad or something, it’s always “don’t be sad. Other people have it far worse. You should be happy that you have a roof over your head, food and water and a loving family.” And that just makes me feel like “oh, so my emotions and feelings are wrong. They are invalid. I should not be feeling sad, I am a bad person for feeling sad.” And so I just… stopped talking. It’s like, the world’s smallest violin. Sure other people have it worse but that doesn’t make it hurt any less. It doesn’t make my feelings any less real or there. Eventually I just couldn’t find a way to be happy but being sad makes me a bad person so… nothing. I became depressed. Yay. I lost interest in… everything. I just didn’t care anymore.
And that’s the story of how I stopped talking about my problems and became depressed.
Okay queen-first time in a while I've vented-
I want to vent about my family-like-my dad in general.
So, my father has never been in my life. And he doesn't care about me at all really. He cares more about his stupid little girlfriends than his own kids. He has even told us how he doesn't want to spend money on us and how he doesn't want to feed us, he's just forced to. I mean, how screwed up can you be to say that? It's your own kid's dude...and he didn't even want kids. He was forced by mom 'cause he wanted to just have her body. My mother on the other hand WANTED kids and is very glad she has me and my sister. But the thing that pisses me off-like really really REALLY pisses me off is that he has the audacity to tell me about my grades-and that's it's MY responsibility to keep 'em up. But the thing is he has NEVER been involved in my school life-NEVER. And he tells me: "Listen to me Nataly, I'm not taking you to summer school-you'll just have to leave *school name.*" And like-he's never told me: "Hey Nat, do you need help with school?" or "Nat, I can help if you're struggling with science-" or "Nat, I can help you with algebra if you'd like!" like-he has NEVER EVER EVER FUCKING NEVER OFFERED TO HELP IN MY SCHOOL LIFE.
NEVER.
And he made me, my sisters, and my mother's life difficult over the court. The only reason why he wants us to live with him is for the money. And he doesn't pay ANYTHING for child support-nor school uniform. NOTHING.
And he knows that I hate being called Nataly in general, I've even told my mother to call me Natalia instead of Nataly-I really do hate that name.
The list could go on but I'm too lazy.
Wow, uh your dad is an asshole.
VERY.
the lowest scum in history. I wish you could just ctrl+alt+delete him from your life but the law doesn’t work that way so-
OMG SAME DUDE
THE LAW IS SHIT, children shouldn’t be with parents who literally don’t care for their own child’s existence. But oh no, he’s not abusing you, so it’s fine whatever blah blah, NO! SHUT UP! That’s how you get a messed up child. That child’s gonna grow up and they’re gonna have trust issues and attachment problems, GIVE THEM TO A PARENT THAT ACTUALLY FUCKING CARES YOU DUMB SHIT
Alr I'm here AGAIN :). This chick doesn't take no for an answer and if she doesn't get what she wants she gets mad at sw- anyways I almost cried today bc I was being left out and I was trying to talk to my friend and she ignored me. So I left and sat with other people and I almost started crying TWICE so yeah hah.
dang.
I can’t believe your friends would do that. Like I knew they were shallow but I didn’t know they were that shallow.
Overall I wanted to die 👹
Our conclusion is, you need better friends
I'm trying
I texted this boy about a week ago and I had a good time texting him and I thought he liked texting me too. We ended our convo and then the next day my friend used my phone to text him to ask him to play Fortnite with her and he didn't respond but I still texted him and told him that my friend was texting him not me. He hasn't texted me for a while and I thought he really liked me but I guess not ..idk... I'm conflicted between the fact that he could've gotten his phone taken away (bc he was saying some weird stuff and might've punched his TV) or just is ignoring me
something I learned in therapy, never diagnose intentions. Until further evidence just assume he got his phone taken away or just can’t text you rn. But if he’s really ghosting you in the end, he is not worth your time and energy.
tysm, I'm currently thinking about ditching all my friends and just having a couple pals and a ton of online friends 🏃
judging by the stories you told me about your friends. That is a good idea.
I woke up and when I checked my phone I saw a message from him (tysm for giving me confidence and happiness, you truly are s great friend!)
It’s no problem!
Yikes. You need better friends. And I get it, my sister is leaving for college soon and ik I should be happy for her but I'm actually gonna miss her since she was kind of my therapist, even if I act like I won't care that she's gone. It's just that, that's life. Nothing's gonna stay the same. I honestly don't know what to say bc I'm still working through this myself. I wish I could help more, I really do. I'm sorry.
it's okay, I'm happy you're working on yourself
thank you
np
AJR songs: *exist*
Me: *through tears* HOW DARE YOU RECITE MY OWN FEELINGS BACK TO ME
my mom and my therapist agreed that maybe the reason I don’t feel fulfilled is that I didn’t do my work. I just finished all my work. More depressed than I ever was in my life. Why am I not surprised?
I just remembered a time I laughed through tears to make people think I was okay even though it was so obvious that I was crying..
Anyway I'm jealous..the most jealous person ever, my friends have their little friends and stuff but I literally have no new friends...theyre practically acquaintances or using me for snacks..and this really cute guy on my bus likes my friend and she doesn't really like him back and we found out that he's gonna ask her out...I've been trying to be supportive but I don't think I'm doing enough..I also feel like you're the only person I can vent to because every time I try to vent either nobodies listening or they turn it into their problem...
(This was so long oml-)
I’m not exactly a prophet who knows everything but the longer you stay in toxic relationships the harder it is when you end up getting hurt. The only way you can find out if they mean it or not is to tell them “hey that comment kinda hurt me” or “hey can you stop doing that.” But not the issue anyway. If you don’t have any friends I’m not the right person to ask. I’m not exactly a wizard at making friends.
And I bet you’re being plenty supportive. You’re a great person Auntie. But I feel like you could be keeping the whole planet alive and you’d still think you’re not doing enough. Everyone is an idiot for passing up a friendship like yours. They’re all just blind dummies to think you are only a snack dispenser.
Give me their name so I can beat them up for you./j
ty, like seriously, thank you
no problem!
He doesn't like me and I hate myself for it, I feel so dumb and idiotic, I felt even more dumb when I realized I still liked him, I'm so stupid and I hate it.
YOU'RE NOT STUPID FOR LIKING SOMEONE. You can't control it. You have to accept it That's the only way to move on.
my friends will make me feel that way, when we thought he had a gf one of them asked me if I still liked him and I said "yes" then she said "wow..after all that?! Jeez..."
Dam you friends the most toxic bunch I ever seen and I seen a lot.
My friend keeps telling people who I like and then the people would come up to me and say things like "you really like him?! He's so ugly" it just makes me rlly insecure and it's common sense to not tell people who your friend likes..and I want to talk to her about it but I'm just scared she'll think I'm mad at her
talk to her. I just wanna see smthng. Try to talk to her and tell me the outcome.
ok
I can talk to her tomorrow at school
ok
I forgot to update,sorry, anyway she said okay
Is that it? Just 'okay'
I genuinely hate my own mother. She’s so fckn manipulative and abusive. I’ve told her on multiple occasions what I think she should improve on to make our relationship better and she told me what I should improve on but here’s the issue. The things she told me were things that had nothing to do with our relationship but rather making me “perfect” and she said she would try to be better but so far she hasn’t done a single one of the things I asked her to improve on while she’s out here giving me crap about not doing what she asked. Like how hypocritical is that. Gosh if she weren’t my mother I would slap her across the face with the mighty power of goddamn zeus. How do I get into that thick skull of hers that the way she’s treating me is not okay.
Do you have any friends or adults that you trust that can help you out?
well yes but idk she feels a bit distant from me now. She's also really busy with college.
well maybe ask her if she has any free time if she could call you or text you or something
ok thanks
no problem
You know… that moment when… you’re doing whatever and… in that moment you feel… everything is perfect. You want to stay forever. It’s 3 am and I should be asleep. I’ve been trying to sleep. Right now my sister has music open and I’m playing rain sounds. She’s fast asleep. I’m laying on my bed and just… existing. This is one of the inly times in my life where I feel… something. A real emotion. I know it sounds so… r/im14andthisisdeep but… I haven’t really felt in such a long time that… it’s kind of weird. Feeling things. Like a baby walking for the first time. The only thing is… I feel… melancholy. Sadness with no explanation. It’s the only emotion I can feel. It’s the only emotion I’ve ever felt when I did feel something. A deep dark fear of mine is that I’ll never be happy again. I can’t fall asleep because… I feel like if I fall asleep. I’ll miss this moment. This point in time where I feel like the world as stopped turning and everything is just… peaceful…
Wow I rally am crazy huh. Oh well. That’s life isn’t it.
I know you told me to tell the person to not ask me to rp if they're not gonna rp with me but idk I don't wanna seem mean or smth, but like it happened again and it's annoying-
it's fine if you don't want to just try to say something about it.
but apparently they do that with other people
ROOD
I want to sleep forever but I want to stay awake. I want to sit and do nothing and everything too. When I look in the mirror I just want to smash it to pieces. I want it to show someone else. Someone better. Someone smarter. Someone with better virtues. Someone who’s not me. I don’t like me, but it feels no matter how hard I try to change. I’ll never be good enough. I know I’m not going to make it to Heaven I mean come on. I’ve done so many bad bad things, things I can’t take back. Even if I try to make up for it and fix everything it never works. I feel like a broken tape stuck on loop. Sometimes I just want to shrivel up into a corner and disappear. I don’t even know who I am anymore. I don’t why. Where did it all go wrong. How could I let this happen. I wish it would all just go away. I wish I could wake up one day and feel better, happier. Feel like H truly mean something like the world means something like a blind man seeing for the first time. Sometimes I wish I’m dreaming and all of this is in my head. I wish that when I wake up I’ll be a child again. My uncle and aunt would still be there and my grandparents would be fine and healthy. Everything would be perfect like it was before. But this is no dream. It’s a nightmare so real it actually is. I just want it to end. But I don’t want to end me. I wanna live on. I don’t want to die I just… want to be free. I feel like everything’s holding me back and as soon as I tell someone else they’ll hate me just like I hate myself. I feel like all I can do is just smile through the pain. Just be okay in other’s eyes. My problems are my own who am I to burden them with my weight when I know they have their own. I just want to be saved…
I'm always here if you wanna talk
I was like just about to delete this-
Tw harm (not sh but my friend is harming herself)
Bascially my friend went through this big thing where this kid was bullying her, she was cutting herself,this girl was bothering her bc she liked her bf (also the girl doesn't go to our school) and she never told me..then two days later after I found out about the situation, she tells me that she started cutting herself again, I broke down in tears, and I am rlly mad at myself for not telling her mother but her mother is pretty mean to her and idk what to do, and me and my mother aren't getting along, I feel like my crush will never like me, I barely see my dad anymore,and I always feel like dying.
damn that’s a lot. Ok let’s start with your friend. You should talk to her. Maybe try and help her to stop or try to make her feel better. Maybe if you can try to get rid if the bully if not then just help her through it. It’s not much but it helps. Your mom well that’s really tough it depends on how long you’ve been arguing. Your dad try to get in contact with him a bit more. Try and call him as much as possible. Your crush, wasn’t he flirting with you before? Whatever that’s just how love kinda works. It kinda feels like it’s eating you up from the inside but love is a bit difficult you just need to push through I literally don’t know what else to say. And yeah feeling like that is really tough and sometimes you just want to stop it yeah. But you just need to keep fighting. Cause if you die now… what would your whole life have been for. You really might regret dying when it’s all said and done. I wouldn’t wish something like that on my worst enemy. You just have to push through I guess.
Ok I’m trash at giving advice and I’m really not good with words so I hope you understand what I mean haha.
yeah I understand, thank you
Anytime!
I have a problem
My problem is that I have an amazing friend named QUEEN! But seriously how are you feeling Queeny?
like shit. I feel sick but my mom doesn’t care cause I didn’t go to school last week cause covid and she thinks I need this week. My eyes are like fully red. I have pe today and I also happen to have a thing called arthritis. I also have an exam I most definitely did not study for at all.
Oh, im sorry. I wish I could help. Why would your mom do that?
she thinks my grades are gonna slip-
Is it paper work?
ye. But I’m pretty good at understanding things quickly. Like in 7th grade I had been vomiting so I got to stay home and when I came back I had no idea what a moment was or what density means but by the first 10 mins I had figured out both.
Soooo I came out to my parents like a month ago but I never went into detail about what happened. My dad said he would kick me out if I wasn’t straight and all about how I’m a girl and will never be a real man.
how old are you?
I’m a minor.
well… look as soon as you can just move out or tell you what go to like an orphanage or smthn and hope they’re oh so nice as to take you in just It worries me that you’re living in such a terrible household and I just wish I vould come and just take you and bring you here to a loving family.
But I’ll miss my mom, kinda.
…try to keep in contact with her maybe? I don’t know I’m not good at this I never actually got a degree in psychology or giving advice.
My dad has a whole double standard, he hates gay men for some reason as if they'd try to hit on him and if they do he could say RESPECTFULLY "I'm straight, sorry though." Or smth different! But then he hangs out with his friends who are lesbians and enjoys females kissing, and I'm big boy peeved bc what if I get a gf or start dating sm who isn't male? Am I gonna show up to my family dinner with a person who's not male and be like "hi guys, this is my FRIEND..." I'm just rlly angry,peeved and sad ab this (also I read what you said, you can always come to me if you need help with anything)
Uhm that is just not cool. Like what logic... where is the logic in you dad's thinking????? (Also thanks :D)
like, I'm srsly ab to show up to dinners with a gf or another partner and be like "yeh, I'm dating them"
do it do it do it!
I feel like I’m helping everyone feel better but no one wants to help me. Maybe I’m just getting too good at hiding it. I want to say something to my mom but she wouldn’t understand. I don’t think anyone will. I just feel so empty. Just a ticking time bomb waiting for it all to end. Just waiting for the day when I close my eyes and never open them, when I’m all old and wrinkly. Never telling anyone. Never taking action. Just living an empty life. No goals. No wants. No feelings. I feel like a zombie. I just want to leave. Leave everything and sit down. Take a breather. Just be happy. But I feel so tired so uninterested. It feels like I’m putting on a mask every morning and changing it through the day to act like a normal human. To act like someone fine. I don’t even know who I am. I’m not even sure what I want. I don’t want to die I just wish it would all end. It’s too much. It’s been too long. I was only 5 when all this started. Just a little kid. I’m 16. It’s been too long. Just too much weight. It all feels numb. Sometimes I wish I could just feel at peace. At this point I don’t even know what peace is. It feels like a brand new concept. Like something I’ve never heard of before. When it gets bad I feel like I’m suffocating but still breathing. I just feel so… nothing. I want to go home but what is home anymore. I don’t even know where I am.
Hey I’m sorry, I’ve been dumping all my feelings on you without thinking how you feel. I understand how your feeling, sometimes family members aren’t as understanding as you hope. People say home is where your family is but in this case YOURE my family and I hope you feel the same way. You are like the sister i never had. It seems like you’re just feeling empty. When I feel empty I talk to you guys and I feel at peace knowing that here is a safe place to talk to your friends, and I’m hoping you can feel that peace on mgm too! I’m sorry if this is writen out badly, I’m not good at this kinda stuff.
it's fine. Yes you're my family to me too. Thank you. This really helped
:D
😊
I just want to say thank you, you have helped me through so many things and I want to help you. You are the best person I’ve ever met, you are my best friend. I love you (As a friend) no matter what. You are special, and you are intelligent. You saved a LIFE Queen, You saved MY life, not even cops can do that. You will get through this depressed spot in life no matter what, even if I have to help. I said all of this because it’s true Queen, I need you to be happy, ACTUALLY HAPPY for me and the rest of your friends. If you need to vent, please talk to me.
Thank you. A lot.
I just realized, how long you were voicing your pain in this chat…and I did nothing. I just read these post from 7 DAYS S AGO. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there like you were for me. I wish I could hug you right now.
It's fine. You didn't know.
and my mom is really not helping
i am crap
life is crap
this is crap
ahahhahahhahhahahaha I hate everything.